chemtrail guy

I thought my biggest pet peeve about convenience stores was when I got stuck behind some lottery jerk who thinks Quick Check is their personal Atlantic City. But today I got stuck behind a dude who spent an extra 2 minutes after his transaction explaining to the cashier that the change in weather is due to chemtrails. The poor cashier was too nice to move him along. I'm a passive dude so I did nothing.

So anyways, I'm woke now and onto the gov't who obviously wanted today to be 5 degreess cooler than yesterday because that's how you control people, I guess? We now live in an age where changes in weather patterns are huge gov't conspiracies. We're doomed and time is limited. So please, keep it moving chemtrail guy and let me pay for my coffee.

Adam Sandler and why SNL is special

watching Adam Sandler host SNL reminded me of why I love watching SNL so much. Despite being fired and saying in interviews he'd never host, he ended up doing it eventually and telling the world how much SNL meant to him and doing something special.

SNL is always gonna be special to its cast members. Even when SNL is bad, it's still sorta special. It's still a collection of heavy hitting funny people giving their heart to a shared thing. We're constantly watching a cast that will end up representing comedy for the next 20-30 years blossom right in front of us. Sometimes they're trying things and failing, but a lot of times it's working and funny and you're too busy comparing it to 1977 to just sit back and enjoy.

Rest in power Peter Mayhew

This is a sad loss not only for the Star Wars community, but for the tall community as well. Being Chewbacca is probably as famous as a tall person can get without being really good at basketball. Chewbacca is the best Star Wars character and it's kinda cool knowing this dude was able to quit his job and make an honest living out of being Chewbacca.

Chewbacca forever. What a wookie.

Port Authority

Over the weekend me and Dani were in Port Authority and she was talking about how much Port Authority sucks and how she always tries to avoid it and I started thinking about how I hear a lot of people trash it and I wanted to play the contrarion and defend what I think is an important transportation hub for getting around NYC and beyond. Just as I was about to speak in this terminal's defense, I looked up to see a man peeing on the floor. He was in plain sight of everyone, not even trying to hide. I knew before the words ever had a chance to leave my mouth that my argument was defeated.

Two Boneheads

BACK IN THE DAY:

About age 16, I was going through this weird pseudo-intellectual phase where I'd do things like quote Nietzsche or make fun of religion. Y'know, super edgy and condescending. Me and my friends used to hang with this older dude Bill from time to time and Bill used to read a ton of philosophy books and I thought he was super cool because of it.

So anyways, there was this one time at White Castle (because that's where super deep, philosophical people go to eat), we were sitting down, eating some sliders and talking about Sartre or Descartes or post modernism or something. Super cool stuff. Then these two boneheads sat down at the table next to us. They were ratty looking relics from the age of glam rock. They seemed highly intoxicated and started naming hair metal bands from the 80's. They went back and forth, taking turns, laughing and whoa-ing and wow-ing after every band they mentioned. We thought we were so much better than them. Bill looked at them with disdain and me and my friends followed suit. I wanted to look cool in front of my philisophy crew but deep down inside I also knew that neither bonehead mentioned Skid Row yet and I'd be a fucking hero if I said it out loud.

Instead, I said nothing. But I look back on that day as a real turning point. I don't know what happened to the two boneheads but I bet they left White Castle and had more fun than we did. We talked philosophy but those dudes lived it. They didn't need to know about nihilism to know that we only got one life to live so you might as well live it well. You might as well pal around in a denim vest and live loud. They were living in the moment while we discussed Schopenhauer. What a bummer we were.

That was a long time ago. I don't know what happened to Bill and I don't know what happened to the two boneheads, but I hope they're still out there, way over the hill, going to see cover bands, drinking cheap beer, and naming all the bands they know on a podcast somewhere. That'd add much more value to the world than anything written by Hegel.

(some of the names in this story have been changed to protect identities)

The book review of the Beastie Boys Book none of you asked for

I just finished the Beastie Boys book and it could be the most I've ever enjoyed a book. It's like a mix tape, paces really well, with Adam and Mike going back and forth with short chapters. It feels like the book form of a goddamn Beastie Boys song. It's wild. There's a ton of guest contributors too that keeps it fresh. Lot of great pictures spread throughout the book instead of sticking them all in the middle. It's bittersweet that it's over. It's about 600 pages and usually I don't enjoy books that long. I don't trust a story that can't be told under 300 pages. But this was different. It went by fast, too fast. I wish it was the size of Infinite Jest, maybe more. I want more! I wish MCA was still with us. I wish the Beastie Boys were still writing silly rap songs in their 50's. I don't think I'll ever be over the death of a Beastie Boy. That shit will be sad forever, but in a good way I guess. Better to have had the Beastie Boys than not at all.

Beastie Boys forever. Thanks for the book.

Warped Tour

I was going to wax emo poetic about how this past weekend was the last Warped Tour on NJ soil, a punk-ish rock festival I haven't attended in well over a decade. I was gonna lament over the end of an era and succumb to the heavy nostalgia thinking about Warped does to me. But Warped hasn't put together a line up I wanted to see in a long time. And that's okay, it shouldn't. It should be geared towards young people, not me. Things are changing and as time passes, things become old and tired. Warped will be gone by the end of the summer and that's okay because that means it won't hang around and try to exist well past its own suggested expiration date. The kids will figure something out. CBGB's closed and rock and roll is still alive and well any night of the week in NYC. Something will always come along. The kids will be alright. I'll reflect on the past with fond memories but also accept my own wear and tear. I'm 38 and can no longer hang out in the hot sun for 8 hours and mosh all day. You can find me at the back of an indoor venue now, wondering if I'm the same age as the parents of some of these young punks, rockers, and moshers, just happy to know that even though it may not seem like it in the mainstream, rock and roll is alive and young people are still tearing shit up.