so long anne (or is it annie??) nice to know you

ok, so who's anne?

first off, i'm pretty sure that's her name. it could be annie, it could be something else not even close to anne... i don't know, i just go by what candice (my awesome friend and neighbor) tells me. she seems to be way more informed on the facts and happenings in this apartment complex than i am.

so i'm gonna call her anne and you're just gonna accept that so that we can get on with the story telling.

anne's a nice little old lady who lives in the same apartment building as me. i think she's 94 or 95, but who knows, cuz she always says a different age, pretty sure she doesn't even know how old she is.

apparently her memory was slipping on her and she was accusing other people in the building of breaking into her apartment and robbing her. but they weren't. anne was just losing it. and she had their number and called them accusing them of such and i suppose it got out of hand. word got to anne's daughter who made the decision to get her out of here.

before i go on, i do think anne is an awesome old lady. if she is 94, she's a vibrant, lively 94. she's always walking and hanging out. she has her spots like the dunkin donuts or the porch across the street (her sister lives there... i think it's her sister). she isn't one of these older folk that just sits around and watches the wheel of fortune spin till her eyes decide to close and never open up again. she's still out there trying to be active and live life. and props to her for all that.

but she bothered me a lot!!! she would ask me to help her with things around her apartment... like hang curtains and what not. and i didn't want none of it! i know i sound like a bastard, but when i wake up on a saturday, i can think of a million things i'd rather do than hang curtains. i don't even believe in curtains!

and i wasn't all cruel either! i was up in her apartment a few times. and it was scary! one time me and oneyda were hanging out and we decided to enjoy some bong hits. so oneyda hits it first, and then anne comes a' knockin before i can even take my turn with the bong. i run to the door and there she is asking me to help her with something. i told her i was kinda tied up but she insisted that i go up there and at least look at the bad paint job the super put on her bedroom walls. then she asked if someone else was in my apartment. soooo i introduced her to oneyda. she almost demanded that we both go up to her apartment that second. me and oneyda looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and followed her.

open up the door and bam, the smell of old person and pictures of jesus and crosses everywhere! she was showing us her apartment, telling us stories about her children (who are also old) and what not. then she complained about the super a lot and at one point oneyda was like, 'ummm, we gotta go.' and like that, we were out. and i don't think i'll ever forget that experience. it was weird, surreal, a little scary and semi-uncomfortable.

there was also the time that she asked me to bring a package up to her apartment, which i did. and when we got up there, we talked a bit (or she talked a bit, and i nodded and listened). then she offered me a drink. she opened her fridge and said she had beer or ginger ale if i liked. she actually asked, "do you like beer?" and of course i said i did. she explained how her niece brought beer over to drink but she couldn't stand beer herself. she went to grab me one, reached for the ginger ale and i quickly said, 'no, the other one (heineken and ginger ale are both in green bottles, i understand the confusion).' and then she said, 'see, i told you! i don't even know what it looks like! i can't stand the stuff!' i then took my beer, said my good bye and was on my way.

but besides those two experiences, it's pretty much all awkwardness. i'd see her out and about and try to dodge her. the reason being is that every time i'd see her, she'd have another chore in mind for me to do. kinda negative reinforcement if you ask me.

but she'd get me every now and again. she'd corner me in the hall or at the dunkin donuts. tell me about curtains that need hanging. i think she had a thing for hanging curtains.

she'd also leave me food. but usually when i wasn't home. i'd come home to plastic bags on my door knob with either a half eaten sandwich, a half eaten tasty cake, or a single dunkin donut in it. kinda weird and i'd always throw it out cuz i just don't like half eaten stuff, freaks me out...

and that was actually an upgrade. when i first moved in, she'd leave plastic bags with stacks of the national enquirer in it. i still have some of the stack cuz i use it for wrapping paper. nothing says merry x-mas like a tabloid story about tom cruise from 2003.

in hindsight, now that she's gone, it's time for me to reflect. and the first thought is that i feel bad that i didn't help her more. kinda douche of me. i try to think of myself as a nice dude, a dude with a good moral compass. but whenever i thought of her, i thought about how i dodged her and it'd make me think, 'am i really as nice a dude as i think i am?' when candice used to drive me to work, we'd talk about dodging the old people (cuz there's a few of them in the building) and candice would always say, "we're going to hell!" i don't know... i hope not, but if i go first, i'll try to save good seats for everyone.

and my second thought on the topic is now i can chill out. yeah, selfish i know. but i now know i can go outside at any time and not have to worry about being asked to do chores i just don't wanna do.

anne, if you're reading this, you're a nice old lady. and you deserve better neighbors. you don't deserve neighbors who pull ninja-like stunts to avoid you. you deserve good, friendly, most likely authentic christian neighbors. i hope the best for you. as for the rest of this building, we'll now rot in our own selfish jerkness. no more curtains, no more false robbery accusations, no more awkward dunkin donut run-ins.