A Lazy Dude's Guide to Running a Half Marathon

Last weekend, after running a half marathon, I found myself in a nearby diner waiting patiently to chow down on what would be a big ol' breakfast. The diner was nearly spitting distance away from the finish line for the half marathon. While waiting for a table, I ended up chatting with another participant and we talked about our times. Mine was 2 hours and 2 minutes. She did it in 2 hours and 10 minutes. Then we talked about how there's one point where you're running into this park and the way it loops around, you can see the front runners who were probably gonna win this thing miles ahead of you, running like gazelles. She said, "we could do that, we just have to put in the right training for it." And she's right. But it also felt like it belittled our accomplishment, as if we did nothing to deserve what we got... like we didn't train for this or put forth any effort (and for all I know, maybe she didn't, but I did).

Here's the thing, I'm a lazy dude. I'm a lazy dude who just happens to enjoy running. I run because I'm a lazy dude. About six years ago, I was being my usual lazy self and watching tv after work. I'd usually watch tons of tv after work. I always figured I earned the right because I put in a full day at the office. But my tv watching habit started to bother me. I started thinking about how my cycle for many weekdays in a row would be work, tv, sleep, repeat. And that realization felt awful. So I got up and ran. It's all I could think to do at the time to try and combat my lazy lifestyle.

The first time out, I told myself I'd run as far as I could go which wasn't very far at all. When I got home, I figured I'd do the same thing again tomorrow and the next day and so on. And here we are six years later, and I've now run the Jersey City half marathon twice. In between, I worked my way up. The endurance comes with time. It was a slow build, but I've always pretty much kept the same goal... I'll run as far as I can go and that's about it.

When I think back to day one and how I couldn't even run a full mile nonstop, I think about what I would've thought in that moment about the idea of running 13.1 miles nonstop. Or if present me could go back in time and tell 24 year old me (four years before I started running), "Hey, you just ran a half marathon. Thought you'd like to know." 24 year old me wasn't about that. He would've scoffed or not cared or told me to get out of the way because I'm blocking his view of Seinfeld reruns.

I'm not the fastest runner out there. I'm never gonna be that. I'm always going to be that lazy dude who decided the only logical solution to try and combat his own laziness was to get up and run. I'm never going to win the race. But that's okay. I didn't do this for racing. I did this to not be lazy or be less lazy. That alone is good enough for me. Always has been. Get off my ass and run till I can't run anymore. That's always been the objective. And if that's landed me at 2 hours and 2 minutes for a half marathon, I'm pretty proud of that.

That One Time I Sorta Didn't Tip

So recently LeSean McCoy, running back for the Philadelphia Eagles, left a 20 cent tip at a restaurant and that restaurant in turn posted the receipt on facebook and it, of course, went viral. And while I always condemn no/shitty tipping, this whole thing reminded me of the one time I broke my own code and left a dude a 5 cent tip.

That's right, 5 cents. A nickel. I tipped a dude a nickel. It was at Johnny Rocket's (years ago). When you go to Johnny Rocket's, the server gives you a nickel to put in the jukebox. Free song on the house. And that's the exact amount I tipped him. Cold blooded, I know.

I went with a few friends. It was in that strange era of young adulthood where only one friend is allowed to have a job at a time so he/she ends up paying for everyone else whenever they wanna do something. I was said dude with the job and I wanted some Johnny Rocket's. To this day, I still love me some Johnny Rocket's. Just the mere mention of going there pumps me up. What's not to like? 50's/60's rock music, dancing staff, burgers, fries, shakes, cherry soda, and maybe most importantly, the apple pie... the perfect finisher.

On this particular occasion, things were going well. We didn't have a bad waiter. We got what we ordered in a timely fashion. There were no mistakes. Everyone enjoyed their meal. Once the main course was over, it was time for apple pie. This was a certainty in my head. I knew that's how this whole thing was gonna end. When I went to order the apple pie, our waiter told us it was too late and they couldn't serve us apple pie. Apparently the apple pie station was closed and opening it back up for business was not an option.

I was pissed! But I was Josh pissed. I didn't yell or shout. I think I just gave a quick, "aww, c'mon man!" which got me nothing. He left us our check. I paid it, went back to the table and left a nickel on the table. I was making a point and I was scared. When I dropped the nickel on the table, I turned to my friends and said, "let's go! let's go! let's go!" I sped walked out of there, not wanting to have an encounter with our waiter after he realized I only left him a nickel because I am a total coward.

I got out of there with no ruckus. But I'm not proud of that moment. I wish I had thought it over a bit more. I'm sure our waiter was just following protocol handed down to him from some other guy who probably had a key for Apple Pie Town but didn't wanna use it. If I saw that waiter today (and if I remembered anything about him, like his name or what he looked like), I'd probably give him $20 and write the words, "sorry for being a douche," on it (in fact I'd have those words coming out of Andrew Jackson's mouth because then it'd have double the meaning because Andrew Jackson was sorta a douchebag. Don't believe me, google it! He did way worse things than leave nickel tips, although a nickel was probably something in his time).

Anyways, point is, I think you should always leave a tip, even if the service sorta sucked or you're not getting that apple pie you were banking on. Yes, I realize what a hypocrite I am. I did wrong and I'm sorry. My saving grace is that social networking was in its infancy at the time so there was no way for this dude to publicly shame me online, even if I pretty much deserved it. Current day me now tips 15% for bad service. That's right, even if they suck, I still throw something down for their effort or time. Waiting tables is tough business. Don't be a douche. Do the right thing, and leave a tip.