bill hicks died 20 years ago yesterday. when bill hicks died, i had no idea who he was. at the time, i didn't even know he was dead because i never knew that he lived. now, all these years later, i can't imagine not knowing who bill hicks was. his legacy looms large in my own personal hall of heroes. he was more than just a comic to me but i'm not gonna sit here and write how great i think he is. a ton of other people have done that already. i'm just gonna share my own cluttered brain corner of bill hicks related thoughts.
my introduction to bill hicks is probably not one of the more usual ways one becomes acquainted with bill hicks. i was first introduced to him in a graphic novel called, 'preacher.' the main character, jesse custer, at some point ends up in a bar where bill hicks is telling jokes and his performance blows jesse custer away. i didn't close the book and immediately seek out all things bill hicks. but that was the moment the name got dropped and i made a note of it.
it probably took a few years before i actually followed through and checked any of his stuff out. there was no youtube at this time, so it still took time, effort, and/or money to seek out what you were looking for. and i was never one for exerting much effort. i constantly have a list of names of bands, comics, authors, and what have you, that i need to check out. i'm sure i'll get to them all eventually because i eventually got to bill hicks.
i dropped a bill hicks dvd in my dvd player and things were never the same. sure, i've seen/heard carlin and thought the world of his stuff. but there was something different about hicks. i can't quite put my finger on it exactly, but he was doing something with the comedy art form that drove me to dive into the deep end. hicks is probably the first dude i saw that made me think to myself, "i wanna be a stand up comic."
but sometimes being overly influenced by someone can be a bad thing. it didn't help that we have the same birthday (dec 16th). here i am, a dude who has absolutely no belief in horoscopes or anything like that and i suddenly wanted our shared birthday to mean something. i know it doesn't, but in the back of my head, i kinda want it to. the thing with hicks (or any comic) is you can't just get on a stage and be like him (actually, you can't be like anybody. i've found the hardest part of stand up so far is being yourself). even if you could, it'd be an insult to all the hard work he put in over the years to be as good as he was. you have to earn that the hard way. i can't get on a stage and hope that my best impersonation will somehow allow me to be as effective as he was.
so i took a break from bill hicks. i took a break from most stand up comics to try and break myself from the influence they had on me. and that was tough. i really enjoy bill hicks and i wasn't taking a break because i was tired of his stuff or because i thought it was bad or didn't enjoy it. i had to force myself not to watch, listen, or read hicks.
i'm a few years into the comedy thing now and i'm just sorta starting to enjoy watching established stand up comedians again. i feel like i have a better grasp of who i am which is good, because as a fan of stand up comedy, i missed it. that's why i got into it... i was a fan first. i wanna always be a fan. and i wanna always be a fan of bill hicks.
he is still tough to watch at times though.... only because it's so damn good. i'll still write some stupid joke here or there that i can't stand and i'll wonder why i wrote it at all and i'll try to use it and i'll be mad at myself for trying it and underneath it all, a part of me will think, 'bill hicks would never tell a joke like that.' i'm not measuring myself up to the man... but if he were alive, i'd like him to be a fan of my material. and that seems to be an intimidating enough thought to think.
lot of rambling going on here.... to try and wrap this up with a bow tie of some sort.... bill hicks made it cool to be thought provoking and challenging. he's probably the closest thing comedy has to a, 'rage against the machine.' as i attempt my own adventure into stand up comedy, i don't even like to mention the name, 'bill hicks,' because i don't want people to know i'm a fan. it's too intimidating. the worst thing a person could probably ever say to me is, 'bill hicks would hate your stuff.' and in some odd way, i feel like that's the biggest compliment you can pay a man and his legacy.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
complaining vs. the internet
complaining used to be such a beautiful thing. sure, complaining can be annoying, but that's the point. complaining leads to change... usually. if you complain about something long enough, you're bound to do something to get rid of whatever it is that's causing you to complain in the first place. it's one of the great advantages of being a human being. we have this amazing ability to find something that bothers us, bitch about it, and then do something to change it. if the complaining leads to something being done, then i say no harm, no foul. it's a justified means to an end.
however, with the internet, complaining has taken on a different role. people find stuff that annoys them and then bitch about it on the internet (i understand i'm also guilty of this). you can find this sorta thing anywhere on the internet really, but especially in the comments section. and for some awful reason, every corner of the internet has one. as soon as people drop their complaint online, they walk away feeling as if they accomplished something. sure you have left your imprint on cyberspace with a finished tweet, blog post, youtube video, etc... but you haven't accomplished anything to change what you were complaining about in the first place. it's no longer about a means to an end. the complaining has become the end and that's no good for anybody.
however, with the internet, complaining has taken on a different role. people find stuff that annoys them and then bitch about it on the internet (i understand i'm also guilty of this). you can find this sorta thing anywhere on the internet really, but especially in the comments section. and for some awful reason, every corner of the internet has one. as soon as people drop their complaint online, they walk away feeling as if they accomplished something. sure you have left your imprint on cyberspace with a finished tweet, blog post, youtube video, etc... but you haven't accomplished anything to change what you were complaining about in the first place. it's no longer about a means to an end. the complaining has become the end and that's no good for anybody.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
in defense of kristen stewart's poetry
kristen stewart wrote a poem and recently shared it with a magazine and the internet went and did what it does best, destroy things with words. anonymous vitriol aimed at her poetic attempts can be googled easily. it's what we do. a celebrity tries something new, funky, different and we trash it. bloggers put on their know-it-all hats and tear her poem to shreds... cuz y'know, they were all reviewing poems before this ever happened so they know best what makes for good or bad poetry.
i'm of the opinion that most of the hate towards her poem is coming from people who don't know shit about poetry. they never reviewed a poem, wrote a poem, can't even give you a solid answer if you ask them the question, "what's your favorite poem?" if you're not into poetry at all, then you pretty much eliminate yourself from having any right at all to criticize anyone else's attempts at it cuz at this point, kristen stewart has proven that she knows more about poetry than you do just by trying to write one herself. you need to put your hate for 'twilight,' or whatever else it might be that she did that bothers you, and put it aside. you're not an expert at poetry, you're just an expert at not liking kristen stewart.
and applaud yourself if you own that expertise proudly. it must be great to focus your disdain at an actress in a world filled with real villains. whatever your grudge may be against her, is it so unbearable that you're proud to be an anti-fan, a full fledged hater, a person who decides to use their tiny little corner of the internet to crap on any attempt she makes at anything ever?
the idea of some actress writing poetry doesn't hurt you in any personal way. you have a deeper issue that needs to be explored. maybe you hate her acting and that's gotta suck because it looks like the hollywood market disagrees with you. it's gotta burn that she gets paid millions of dollars to do something that annoys you personally. go ahead, keep on bloggin', i'm sure hollywood will put out a memo any day now saying you were right all along.
and maybe you just happen to be some kind of authority on poetry and you read it and genuinely didn't like it and to that i say, "good to be you." not liking stuff is important. i don't like eggplant, i don't care how your grandma prepares it. but why do you need to write something tearing it apart and put it out in the world? you are a disservice to any and all forms of creativity and art.
even if her poem wasn't up to your standards, at least she tried. trying is important. people need to try things... especially creative things. the world needs more art. you shitting on art is the enemy of art. someone somewhere will read your harsh assessment of her attempt at branching out and expressing herself in different ways and think to themselves, "fuck, i don't wanna try to write poetry ever. i'll probably suck at it which will lead to people saying mean things."
what we should be doing is encouraging more poetry, more writing, more expression. when you shut it down on your choice of public forum, you're sending a message that if you're gonna try at all, it better be good. but what you fail to realize is that when it comes to most, if not all, forms of art, people need to write, paint, create sucky stuff first to get to the goods. the best artists all created something that sucked along the way (not that i'm saying her poem sucked, but if that's your opinion, i'm not here to wrestle that away from you).
besides, poetry is totally subjective. there is no universal, 'good,' or, 'bad.' it's just what YOU like and what YOU don't like. it's a personal preference and you can't force your artistic tastes onto other people because we're all unique individuals and the world would be a totally boring place if we all were constantly in agreement with what you found to be good and bad.
odds are that if you had something harsh to say about her poem (or any poem for that matter, this is a universal thing that goes way beyond kristen stewart), then you're probably just some miser who has to share their displeasure with the rest of the world cuz y'know, misery loves company. that's why trashing things is such a popular past time on the internet. you're kinda part of the problem and the rest of us are waiting with baited breath for your first shitty attempt at poetry so we can all say, "hey, not so bad. keep at it."
i'm of the opinion that most of the hate towards her poem is coming from people who don't know shit about poetry. they never reviewed a poem, wrote a poem, can't even give you a solid answer if you ask them the question, "what's your favorite poem?" if you're not into poetry at all, then you pretty much eliminate yourself from having any right at all to criticize anyone else's attempts at it cuz at this point, kristen stewart has proven that she knows more about poetry than you do just by trying to write one herself. you need to put your hate for 'twilight,' or whatever else it might be that she did that bothers you, and put it aside. you're not an expert at poetry, you're just an expert at not liking kristen stewart.
and applaud yourself if you own that expertise proudly. it must be great to focus your disdain at an actress in a world filled with real villains. whatever your grudge may be against her, is it so unbearable that you're proud to be an anti-fan, a full fledged hater, a person who decides to use their tiny little corner of the internet to crap on any attempt she makes at anything ever?
the idea of some actress writing poetry doesn't hurt you in any personal way. you have a deeper issue that needs to be explored. maybe you hate her acting and that's gotta suck because it looks like the hollywood market disagrees with you. it's gotta burn that she gets paid millions of dollars to do something that annoys you personally. go ahead, keep on bloggin', i'm sure hollywood will put out a memo any day now saying you were right all along.
and maybe you just happen to be some kind of authority on poetry and you read it and genuinely didn't like it and to that i say, "good to be you." not liking stuff is important. i don't like eggplant, i don't care how your grandma prepares it. but why do you need to write something tearing it apart and put it out in the world? you are a disservice to any and all forms of creativity and art.
even if her poem wasn't up to your standards, at least she tried. trying is important. people need to try things... especially creative things. the world needs more art. you shitting on art is the enemy of art. someone somewhere will read your harsh assessment of her attempt at branching out and expressing herself in different ways and think to themselves, "fuck, i don't wanna try to write poetry ever. i'll probably suck at it which will lead to people saying mean things."
what we should be doing is encouraging more poetry, more writing, more expression. when you shut it down on your choice of public forum, you're sending a message that if you're gonna try at all, it better be good. but what you fail to realize is that when it comes to most, if not all, forms of art, people need to write, paint, create sucky stuff first to get to the goods. the best artists all created something that sucked along the way (not that i'm saying her poem sucked, but if that's your opinion, i'm not here to wrestle that away from you).
besides, poetry is totally subjective. there is no universal, 'good,' or, 'bad.' it's just what YOU like and what YOU don't like. it's a personal preference and you can't force your artistic tastes onto other people because we're all unique individuals and the world would be a totally boring place if we all were constantly in agreement with what you found to be good and bad.
odds are that if you had something harsh to say about her poem (or any poem for that matter, this is a universal thing that goes way beyond kristen stewart), then you're probably just some miser who has to share their displeasure with the rest of the world cuz y'know, misery loves company. that's why trashing things is such a popular past time on the internet. you're kinda part of the problem and the rest of us are waiting with baited breath for your first shitty attempt at poetry so we can all say, "hey, not so bad. keep at it."
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
saved by the ramones
it happens sometimes. i get home from work and i'm in a rut. i'm bumming hard. i can't even quite put my finger on what exactly is causing said internal crisis, but it's bringing me way down. that happened tonight. i squandered around my apartment, wrote shitty things on pieces of paper i'd later throw out and finally i went to my computer and pressed play. it was the ramones. it was exactly what i needed.
the ramones are almost always a fail safe, go to maneuver to pick me back up. before i knew it, i was bopping around my apartment like a maniac, singing and raising my fists in the air. the ramones had delivered me one more time to my happy place. they're clutch like that.
i remember when i first really got into the ramones. it was around the same time in high school when two of my best friends were getting really into kiss (this was the 90's, not the 70's... guess it's kinda odd we all got on a retro kick of some sort around the same time) and i just couldn't get down with kiss. this was around the time kiss started touring again and they'd go see them and i'd never get in on that cuz i just wasn't interested.
lucky for me, my mom had recently received one of those, '12 cd's for $1,' deals that you'd get through the mail with columbia house back in the day. one of the cd's she bought was the ramones, 'loco live' (if you read my blog on a regular basis, you'll know that my mom has some awesome musical taste, especially when it comes to rock and roll). i "borrowed" that cd (borrowed is such a loose term. i'm 34 and live on my own and am certain that cd's in a stack somewhere around here. sorry mom) and listened to it incessantly. i was hooked from the first, "1,2,3,4." it was simple, it was joyous, it was loud, and it was something to raise a fist in the air and sing along to.
i consider the ramones to be one of the more important rock and roll bands of all time. sometimes we forget that this is all supposed to be fun... all of it. rock and roll, life, existence. sometimes we need to stop with the over thinking and the trying too hard. leave that for pink floyd (disclaimer: i love [roger waters era] pink floyd, there's a time and place for everything). keep it loud, simple, and fun... that'll usually get me out of any funk.
the ramones are almost always a fail safe, go to maneuver to pick me back up. before i knew it, i was bopping around my apartment like a maniac, singing and raising my fists in the air. the ramones had delivered me one more time to my happy place. they're clutch like that.
i remember when i first really got into the ramones. it was around the same time in high school when two of my best friends were getting really into kiss (this was the 90's, not the 70's... guess it's kinda odd we all got on a retro kick of some sort around the same time) and i just couldn't get down with kiss. this was around the time kiss started touring again and they'd go see them and i'd never get in on that cuz i just wasn't interested.
lucky for me, my mom had recently received one of those, '12 cd's for $1,' deals that you'd get through the mail with columbia house back in the day. one of the cd's she bought was the ramones, 'loco live' (if you read my blog on a regular basis, you'll know that my mom has some awesome musical taste, especially when it comes to rock and roll). i "borrowed" that cd (borrowed is such a loose term. i'm 34 and live on my own and am certain that cd's in a stack somewhere around here. sorry mom) and listened to it incessantly. i was hooked from the first, "1,2,3,4." it was simple, it was joyous, it was loud, and it was something to raise a fist in the air and sing along to.
i consider the ramones to be one of the more important rock and roll bands of all time. sometimes we forget that this is all supposed to be fun... all of it. rock and roll, life, existence. sometimes we need to stop with the over thinking and the trying too hard. leave that for pink floyd (disclaimer: i love [roger waters era] pink floyd, there's a time and place for everything). keep it loud, simple, and fun... that'll usually get me out of any funk.
Monday, February 3, 2014
heroes for sale
my heroes are for sale. it was all over the superbowl last night. they are all their own people and they don't owe me anything. but sitting there, watching 'em peddle stuff on tv, it was a clear reminder that i should never allow myself to invest too heavily in heroes. if i want to set up my own standards in life, i can only hold myself accountable and can't measure others on how i think life should be lived. everyone's gotta figure their own rules out.
i'm not mad at you bob dylan. you're in the business of selling cars on tv now and wasn't that one of your songs in that yogurt ad as well? you doubled down on yourself on superbowl sunday and i'm sure the pay out was significant. you even stared at a younger you on the cover of a magazine in said car commercial. it's like you knew (as you always have) that the critics would be there to criticize your decision so you gave 'em all the grand 'fuck you.' you know who you are and who you were and it was all our fault for thinking you were something you're not.
i'm not mad at you hulk hogan. when did you ever have integrity? you told me as a kid to say my prayers and eat my vitamins and that was good enough i suppose. you were a cathartic hero for a kid who just wanted to see someone slay the giant. you did all that a long time ago. you fulfilled the prophesy. so wear that yellow and red and let the world take notice as the pythons run wild all over us as they hold up products that can be purchased at your local radioshack... brother.
i'm not mad at the red hot chili peppers. maybe their performance was prerecorded. maybe the instruments weren't plugged in. maybe they only played a part of a song that was a huge radio hit damn near twenty years ago. play the hits, or in this instance, the hit. i don't know if this was a torch passing of some sort or just an easy chance to scream out, 'hey, we're still here and we're still a cooler alternative to listening to u2.' seriously... i fucking love the red hot chili peppers. and maybe what they did was good for bruno mars, who i personally think fucking killed it last night. i'm just sorta confused about the peppers role in all of this and would've much preferred a 4-5 song set of theirs where they cram one new one in there to the dismay of everyone but me, cuz i think the new album is pretty cool.
joe namath, put the fur coat away. can't you just admit that you got old? phil simms seems to be okay with it. way to botch the coin toss. also, get out of this blog post, you're not a hero. you're just the only quarterback to lead my favorite football team to a superbowl.
hey muppets. i know, you're muppets. you always light up the screen and make things at least twice as enjoyable as they were than before you showed up. but i can't see the spirit of jim henson in all of this. i recently read that jim henson's goal when he created, 'fraggle rock,' was to end all wars. he may have been a little heavy on the idealism, but the world needs a bit of that.... it needs it now just as much as it needed it back then. i'd rather see electric mayhem put a single out with tom morello than attempt to use their groovy tunes to sell cars. don't be such a bob dylan.
much love and respect to the beastie boys. goldieblox had their big superbowl commercial. there was recently much controversy over goldieblox using a parody of the beastie boys track, 'girls,' and the beastie boys seeking legal action against them because of it. the beastie boys don't play that shit. don't matter what it is, even if the product seems wholesome enough. their integrity is not for sale. it's in mca's will. he lived and died on that principle. if you're looking for sellouts, i hear quiet riot comes cheap.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
philip seymour hoffman's death and the cracking of the illusion of fame
philip seymour hoffman died today of an apparent drug overdose. he was famous, talented, well respected, and beloved. he was a man of substance, an attribute that is lacking in many of our celebrities in this era of internet fame. and yet that wasn't enough to keep hoffman away from needles. hoffman's fame could not defend him against whatever demons lurked inside that drove him to drugs. all the accolades and all the support of fans could not stop hoffman from making a dark decision that took him off this earth.
fame is not an end all solution to life. and some things are more important than being famous. for all the fans that will show their outpouring of love in the upcoming days/weeks/months/years, it will never be enough to bring him back. and i'm sure there's an inner circle, a circle of people who really knew and loved hoffman for who he was outside of just being a famous actor/director, whether it be family or friends, who would trade in all the fame and recognition just to have him back here with the rest of us.
fame won't make anyone invincible. it's important to have your shit together in life. it's important to seek out things like happiness and love. without the right frame of mind, we're all as susceptible to disaster whether we're famous or not. there's no shame in being unknown. the real shame is in not knowing the real joys in life. imagine not knowing love. that's shame. that's pain. that's a void that all the red carpets and needles in the world can't fill.
i don't know if it was a lack of love or anything else that specifically drove hoffman to drugs. i really shouldn't assume. but what i do know is that whatever it was, fame didn't stop it. fame wasn't enough. being famous is worthless if it can't stop you from destroying yourself.
fame is not an end all solution to life. and some things are more important than being famous. for all the fans that will show their outpouring of love in the upcoming days/weeks/months/years, it will never be enough to bring him back. and i'm sure there's an inner circle, a circle of people who really knew and loved hoffman for who he was outside of just being a famous actor/director, whether it be family or friends, who would trade in all the fame and recognition just to have him back here with the rest of us.
fame won't make anyone invincible. it's important to have your shit together in life. it's important to seek out things like happiness and love. without the right frame of mind, we're all as susceptible to disaster whether we're famous or not. there's no shame in being unknown. the real shame is in not knowing the real joys in life. imagine not knowing love. that's shame. that's pain. that's a void that all the red carpets and needles in the world can't fill.
i don't know if it was a lack of love or anything else that specifically drove hoffman to drugs. i really shouldn't assume. but what i do know is that whatever it was, fame didn't stop it. fame wasn't enough. being famous is worthless if it can't stop you from destroying yourself.
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