reformed father's day hater

i was originally going to sit down and write something semi-depressing about father's day. but then i thought better of it because there's nothing to be depressed about. life is packed with all sorts of experience and the best we can do is make the best of what we're given. i was given a hand that wasn't exactly chocked full of me purchasing, "world's best dad," mugs. but that's ok. it helped me to appreciate the value of my friends' dads who would get those on father's day. it helped me to believe that just because i didn't get the ideal situation growing up doesn't mean that all dads are bad. 

over the past several years, i've built a new relationship with my dad. i call it new because it's never going to be what it once was. at this point, i think the best we can get is him being my friend who can give me life advice (on anything except how to be a good dad or husband). he lives far, thousands of miles away, but we make the best of it. every couple of years we get together and we hang for a week or so and it's cool. i go into it with a positive attitude. i could easily be lazy about it and accuse him of bad things and blame every bad thing in my life on him, but i don't wanna do that. my life's not bad and i'm happy that we still have time to work on our bond together. 

and i got me an awesome mom. and sometimes i wonder if i'd know the full depths of her awesomeness if she wasn't thrown this challenge. she took it head on and never cracked. she's my hero and favorite human being. i'm a momma's boy. i'm grateful for our bond, i'm grateful for her, and i'm grateful for all she did for me and my brother over the years. i think about that more deeply on father's day than most other days and it fills me with gratitude. 

don't give the trophy to a horse

triple crown races. kentucky derby. the preakness. belmont stakes. it's usually around this time of year when i'll hear certain experts, and sometimes not even experts, chime in and say something like, "winning the triple crown is the biggest achievement in all of sports." and i couldn't disagree any more with that statement. i don't think horses should even be under consideration to be compared to other athletes, the biggest reason being that sports is man made. we made up these silly contests and the silly rules that make someone a winner. all these trophies and medals are things we pull out of thin air. they're like money in that if you think about it in the abstract, it only means as much as we put behind it.

and horses don't get that. horses don't know why a trophy is a good thing. horses prefer carrots to trophies. at the end of any given horse race, i'm pretty certain that the first place horse and the last place horse both get fed and enjoy it just the same. neither feels glory or shame. they eat, poop, and follow blindly to the next place where the people who domesticated them like them to run real fast.

fortunes are made and lost on horse racing. people either sing a horse's praise or curse it dead. either way, that horse doesn't care. horses don't know about your crippling gambling addiction. horses don't know about your mortgage or how you were gonna spend the winnings on an awesome birthday party for your six year old. any and all pageantry has been added on by our imaginations. your fortune lost, all because collectively we imagined this thing together. bummer.

so next time you wanna give someone a trophy, or throw around a hefty sports related accolade, give it to someone who at the least can show some form of appreciation in return. what good is throwing greatness around if it can't be claimed? how can athletes like tom brady or lebron james be expected to sleep at night if they know no matter how hard they work for a goal they're absolutely conscious of, they'll be defeated by a majestic creature that will show the ultimate indifference in the end?

an underground music paradox

i have a tendency to enjoy bands that have smaller followings and play smaller venues, the bands that not everyone knows about. they're usually a little bit underground, but not too underground that they can't get their gigs on to ticketmaster.com. it's always sorta been this way and sometimes i can't help but wonder if it's the music that draws me to them or is it my personality that draws me to lesser known acts?

i'm pretty passionate about the music i listen to. when i discover a band, i get all into their complete library and drown myself in their material. i feel pretty secure in saying that i don't force myself to like certain bands for any reason other than it sounds good to my ears. and i'm sure a certain part of it has to do with me discovering new bands through the bands i already like, whether it's because they tour together, share a label, or pandora tells me they're similar. it's no stretch to figure that any band i learn about through this method would be on a similar level of fame as the band that drew me to them in the first place.

but sometimes i wonder if the roles were reversed and it was the bands that were on the radio that tour the nation via sports arenas switching places with the bands i love to go see live, would my tastes change? am i more prone to enjoy a band because i can see them at a venue like irving plaza in nyc where it's small enough for me to feel like i'm really in the same room with the band? when it comes to checking out live music in arenas (or stadiums), i can't help but feel separated from the band on stage. it feels more like a televised event than a live experience. the prices are usually more outrageous as well. i'll always feel closer to a band when they're able to offer me the opportunity to see them live at a reasonable price.

i like to think if bands like nickelback and mumford and sons toured smaller venues, i'd still have no interest in seeing them and my opinion of their music wouldn't change. but if a band like rancid forced me to see them in an arena for $60, would i still go? i'm not certain i would. i like to think i'd still like rancid, but it probably wouldn't be the same because i wouldn't have intimate live experiences to back up my passion for them.

so i suppose bands that aren't as famous and have to resort to smaller venues have an advantage in getting me to be a fan of theirs. i won't see just any band because it's affordable and intimate, but i'm also way less likely to invest in seeing a band live in a large, expensive setting. and there's a part of me that feels selfish for that. i'm glad a lot of my favorite bands aren't famous enough to sell out arenas. i'm glad not everyone is into them. i'm glad most of the bands i enjoy don't get airtime on the radio. it's because of these factors that i'm able to see my favorite bands in smaller, awesome venues. but i'm sure that's not so comforting for the bands in question. i'm sure most bands would like to get a taste of that worldwide, arena tour money. and if they were able to make the leap to that level, i'd be less likely to see them but that'd be more than okay for them. someone would take my place and they'd find themselves making a lot more profit.

i'm well beyond the age to accuse bands of "selling out." in the end, we all gotta make a living. if the chance comes that you can make more money doing something you love, why not make it happen? i'm more of a "sell out" than any band. i go to a job where i don't do what i love for a living. who am i to judge what a band does or how successful they're allowed to be?

and yet, knowing all this, i still can't help but wonder that if the whole music universe did a giant flip flop, would i still be a fan of the bands i'm a fan of now? i don't think i'll ever know for certain. i just gotta keep bopping my head to the music and hoping that the experience is completely honest, devoid of any other factor besides how much pleasure the music brings to my ears.

leave lebron james alone!

or don't.

hey, i get it. i was on the hate wagon a few years back. i couldn't stand the idea of the greatest player in the game turning his back on a perennial underdog city such as cleveland to go make an all star team with his buddies in the miami sunshine. lebron james decided to bring his decision to prime time tv effectively breaking the heart of an entire city in front of millions of people.

but time heals all wounds and i got over it. lebron james is the greatest player in the world. as a fan of the game, i knew that, historically speaking, i had to sit back and appreciate the era of king james. over time i realized that if i kept my hate torch lit too long, i'd grow into one of these old sticks in the mud who talks about how much he hated the greatest player in the game in his prime. i just don't wanna be that dude. i wanna enjoy this. why else am i a fan of the sport?

and i thought for the most part, a lot of fans were a lot like me. they let their lebron hate subside and they sat back and decided to live and let live and enjoy the game again. but then the 'ac game,' happened, game one of the spurs/heat finals in san antonio where something went wrong and the arena's air conditioning system stopped working. throughout the game we were given temperatures to explain how hot it was in the arena and saw glimpses of fans fanning themselves... and then at some point late in the game, lebron caught leg cramps and had to sit out. and just like that, a big ol' can of lebron james hate was reopened worldwide.

as we await game two of these finals, fans have gone into a frenzy over lebron's legs. memes and tweets are coming from all directions taking jabs at the king. fans are questioning his toughness and using words like, 'weak,' and, 'soft.' comparisons are being made. what would jordan do? (the answer is: no one will ever know because jordan NEVER found himself in this situation so it's a moot point).

no one in the history of the game has ever found themselves in this situation. game one of the finals, the ac goes out, and now they're playing in a 90 degree environment. lebron james is the best player in the nba. no one's out there hustling or working harder than he is. no one else gives what he gives to the game. no one knows what it's like to be on that level because there's only room for one. no other nba player, coach, analyst, or fan can claim to know what to do in that situation. if your legs cramp up, you can't run. if you can't run, you can't contribute. no one else experienced this cramping probably because no one else was putting as much intensity into the game to begin with. there's only one lebron james and it's impossible for anyone else to fathom what it takes to be that good.

lebron james is a monster. he won't tell you that. and now that he let a leg cramp sideline him, fans will have a harder time believing it. and lebron james won't argue with you. he isn't one to talk much smack off the court. he's gonna let his game do the talking. all this hate is provoking a sleeping dragon who's gonna wait till he gets his next chance on the court to show the world who's soft. if i was any member of the spurs, i'd plead with the outside world to keep it down, don't make too much noise. if you've projected any negativity towards lebron james in the past few days, you're going to be partially to blame for the massacre when he decides it's time.

whether you love or hate lebron james, it really is just best if you leave him alone.

a company (5k) man

yesterday i found myself running with the rest of the cubicle prisoners. we were branded by our employers with t-shirts made specifically for this momentous occasion. we ran (some walked, get out of my way walkers) through parts of central park and at the end was the promise of water, bananas, and another t-shirt with the branding of, 'j. p. morgan,' the corporation behind this event, or as they entitled it, corporate challenge.

as i made my way through, i couldn't help but notice that i was surrounded by my brethren and yet felt so alone. why was that? here i am, finally surrounded by thousands of people who i share two major aspects of my life with, working in cubicles and a love for running (or walking, get out of my way walkers). but this isn't what or who i run for. i don't run for or because of my job. i run for me. doesn't everyone else? why have we decided to come together under these conditions? why do we take something we love, throw ourselves under a shirt that strips away what makes us unique, and challenge ourselves only to let our employers' brand name shine on the other side of the finish line?

when did i become this guy? i don't want your shirt. i appreciate the employment but now i'm on my time and i'd like to wear a shirt that screams, "JOSH!!" at high decibels. why did i think this would be fun? was it the free shirt? was it for the bonding that i ended up not doing? much like every other run of my life, i lost myself in my ipod and ran to my own handpicked soundtrack. that's where i wanna be when i run, lost in the middle of my own musical universe.

i don't need anyone else to run. i don't need companions, buddies, opponents, coworkers, or people that work in other office environments. this is about me and i'm selfish and demand all of it to myself. i'm not willing to share the glory. there is no team, there is only me. there are no trophies, no records, no fans in the bleachers. there is only me and my feet and the distance between then and now.