what the fuck's the big deal about, 'stairway to heaven'

okay, i get it... it's an epic song... it has ups and downs... slow parts, fast parts... and all that jazz. it just so happens to be created by led zeppelin, a band that tons of people think are the greatest thing to ever happen to human beings.

and i'll give led zep their due.... they're a fucking awesome band. they own this epic spot in rock history that's almost christ like in the sense that you can divide rock's history into 'before zeppelin,' and, 'after zeppelin,' and it would make total fucking sense. you can see rock take this great big change at around that same time.

i get all this and yet i just don't think, 'stairway' is THE song. i don't think it's their best song... i don't even keep it in my top 5 list of zep tunes. most times when that song comes on the radio, i mess around with the tuner to see if i can find something better. 'stairway' inspires me to be daring and go look for an upgrade on another station.

now i know i date myself with all this talk of radio, but you all know what the radio is and i to a certain extent still listen to it... mostly around the house... i like the idea of someone else playing music for me... it takes the thinking out of it. i don't need to use my decision making skills to pick a next song, someone else does that and then i either approve or disapprove. disapproval sends me on a mission to find something better... and sometimes i don't find anything better and i have to go back to 'stairway' and settle... but sometimes when i'm home doing stuff, that's a lot better than having to think about what i wanna choose next.

anyways... the reason i talk to such extent of radio is cuz i blame radio for 'stairway' being the popular song it is. there's no such thing as a top 100 or 500 countdown of all time rock songs without 'stairway' taking one of the top 3 spots (most times the #1 spot). and yet i find most top 100 or 500 countdowns to be total anarchy. i don't even think all that much thought is put into it. they make sure they get the top 20 somewhere near correct and respectable, but other than that i think it's mostly people looking through record collections saying, 'yea this song here, this is a good one, play that in spot #147.'

i think 'stairway' always makes it so high on the list cuz the song is like a best friend to radio dj's. it's looooong. so while this song is on, you can use the bathroom. if you're a dj in sudden need of a bathroom break, fuck it... put on some 'stairway.' gives you enough time to get your business accomplished and when you come back everyone's telling you, 'fuckin a man! thanks for gettin the led out!!' you're a hero and all you did was try and find an 8 minute ballad to cover you while you poop.

dj's don't forget this sorta thing... this is their secret weapon. all the rock dj's of history owe a debt of gratitude to 'stairway.' as a result, they give it a lot more love than it probably deserves... ask a dj who's been in a tight bathroom related predicament what their favorite song is, it'd make all the sense in the world for them to say, 'stairway.' it's the only song that does them any favors, the only song that gives anything back to the dj. it's a gift from led zep to radio dj's.... a gift that just keeps on giving...

so here we are 30 something years after the fact... over 3 decades of radio dj's all around the world giving 'stairway' it's more than abundant share of spins and praise. we eat that shit up cuz if you repeat anything enough, it gets more popular and we start to like it more (even if you personally disagree with that statement, you're on the outside looking in. think about the 5-10 songs you hear on radio over and over and over and look around you and see what everyone is listening to. everyone but you is listening to those same 5-10 songs that the radio repeats over and over... it's a very slight form of brainwashing... so if you don't agree with the statement i just made, congrats, you're not mildly brainwashed... all at the cost of being an outsider who everyone calls an elitist douche when you're not around).

you've been told, convinced, and damn near forced to agree that 'stairway to heaven' is the greatest song of all time. don't feel too bad about it though. at least it's not a meatloaf song.

(the author would like to note at this time that no science, research, or actual knowledge of the radio industry was used in the creation of this blog. but if you came to my blog looking for that sorta thing, i'm pretty sure i lost your attention a long time ago anyways.)

fame's only cool if you're alive to enjoy it

i don't want to get famous after i die. if i'm gonna achieve any fame at all, i wanna be alive to enjoy it. what good is providing enjoyment or inspiration for people if you don't personally know that you had that affect?

i don't wanna spend my life struggling and unknown if i have this potential to be appreciated by a shitload of people. i don't wanna die typing away at this blog for the enjoyment of 2 other people besides myself... and then some time after i die, all of the sudden motherfuckers wanna start reading my blog. all of the sudden it gets tons of hits and goes viral and everybody wants to know everything about this josh wells character.

and they'll all say, 'if i only knew about him when he was alive. i love his work.' yea, fat lot of good that does me. now you're gonna tell all your friends about this stuff you just have to read. now i'll be talked about in social circles of people i'll never know on the other side of the world.

i don't even think this is a selfish way of thinking. if anyone has that potential and ability to create something so awesome that it makes them famous, then why can't it happen when that person is alive? even if it changes the world in a positive way... i wouldn't wanna hear, 'well he died before getting famous but look at all the good it brought to the world.' if it brings so much good to the world, then it should've been able to do the same during my lifetime.

not that i'm trying to say that i do anything that brings good to the world or that i should be famous. i'm just saying, if fame for some reason at all comes to me, i wanna be able to enjoy it. i wanna be able to make a living off of it. i don't even have to be rich... just make enough to live comfortably without having a "real" job. i want the validation. that's what people do shit for. they wanna hear someone say, 'hey man, good shit.' no one's making art to remain anonymous.

so if i'm dead and you're reading this, do me a favor.... don't name a street, building, library, bar, sports arena, sports team, concert hall, city, state, country, planet, star, or alternate universe after me. it's not much of an honor to me if i can't show up to bask in the glow and give a 5-6 minute acceptance speech.

if i die unfamous, may i remain that way for all of eternity.

gwar blog

so i saw gwar last night and it was a unique experience to say the least. if you're unfamiliar with gwar, they're a band that dresses up like space monsters of some sort. they play wicked heavy metal and put on a blood soaked show. in between songs they introduce new characters in crazy costumes and pretty much kill them all off. as characters are killed, parts of their bodies or guts shoot blood onto the crowd. towards the end of the night, practically all attendees and the whole floor are covered in fake blood.




when we first walked in, i wasn't too sure what to expect. i'd heard a lot about their live shows. i figured i had to see them live at least once. other than what i've heard from other people about their live shows, i don't know a whole lot about gwar. i can't sing a lyric, name an album, or tell you any of the alien names of any of the members of the band.

when the show first started, i thought, wow, someone could have a seizure up in here. they had this crazy light sequence going on with fast paced heavy metal blasting and streams of blood being fired into the crowd from hoses carefully crafted inside the guts of their latest outer space enemy/victim.

my brain settled into the groove a couple songs into the set. i was starting to get a kick out of the whole show. the plot was ridiculous, but they never ran out of reasons to kill some new character so that character can bleed onto the crowd.

i stood toward the side and to the back. i admit i was letting the inner old man in me get the best of me. i didn't want any part of the 'moshing while blood rained onto me' experience. once i got there and looked around me, i saw people there moshing, and gyrating, and screaming lyrics as if these songs i couldn't understand a word to were sing-a-longs in their world. i felt like chances were that there was at least one serial killer in the crowd that night. and the moshing was viscous. i've been to a fair share of shows and i've been inside a fair share of mosh pits... but this was different. there was a lot of anger. i saw what was bumping into each other a lot turn into a lot of fists flying and people throwing other people around like rag dolls. all of this was taking place on a floor that increasingly became more slippery due to the fake blood raining onto the crowd.

even though i hung out on the sidelines, i had a helluva time at the show. i found myself getting into it... especially when they brought out snookie (not the real snookie, but y'know, another disposable character for gwar to kill) and killed her. i got a kick out of that. it was such cartoonish horror going on in front of us. i'll give it up to gwar, they put on a fucking show!

i found myself thinking about the actual members of the band, the dudes under these crazy ass costumes. i couldn't imagine all the planning and plotting that goes into their show. there's probably a small army of people behind the scenes busting their asses to make it all happen. somewhere in the gwar camp was probably a dude who's sole responsibility was to make sure they always had enough fake blood (i can't imagine how much is enough. i can't even begin to describe how much fake blood pours onto the crowd. think about a shit load of blood and then multiply it by a shitload). i couldn't help but think that this might possibly be the hardest working group of motherfuckers in the game. it sure looked like a lot of hard work.

and i can't imagine what the security staff thought of gwar. you had your typical dude stationed in front of the stage to catch people who are crowd surfing. that dude was wearing a poncho. he's right in front of the stage the whole time with his back to the bloodfest that's going on for an hour and a half, fake blood pouring down all over him... and he has to stand there and make sure the kids don't hurt themselves crowd surfing.

there was another security dude who spent a good amount of time in the middle of the mosh pit breaking shit up. every now and again i'd catch a glimpse of him yelling at someone, telling people to separate, threatening to kick people out. all the while it's raining blood in the club. it's just an insane scene. probably as good a day as any to rock a sick day.

gwar fans, i don't know what's wrong with you. you scare me. but it's all good and i'd probably check gwar out again.... if there is a next time, hopefully i'll do the right thing, a thing a lot of people seem to do at gwar shows, dress all in white.

interesting side notes:

great fucking show to go to this close to halloween.

there was one point into the set where 3 songs went by and no new characters were introduced and killed, so i was all like, "this is bullshit!"

they were selling bottled water called, "gwater." i don't know if that's gwar making money or someone else just being opportunistic off their name. either way, it was $4 so i didn't buy any.