finally got around to seeing the movie, 'slap shot,' thanks of course to netflix. i just hopped on the netflix wagon a few weeks ago and so far it's been awesome. i think that's largely due to me being the king of, 'i haven't seen that movie.' this is a good chance for me to try to get caught up with any movie my peers shamed me for not seeing over the years. so far, anytime i scroll through my choices, there's definitely more stuff i haven't seen than have. 'slap shot,' was a lot like, 'major league,' in that i enjoyed, 'major league,' more than watching baseball and i enjoyed, 'slap shot,' more than most hockey games i've ever watched (to be fair, i haven't watched a bunch of them). i have seen a few exciting hockey games in my life, but for the most part i have a hard time keeping my interest peaked for the average hockey game. it also provides me with a new answer to the question, 'who is your favorite hockey player?' to which my answer from now on will be, the hanson brothers, duh.
i've been so reluctant to get netflix over the years because i feared it would kill my productivity. and yea, i probably could've done something better with my time today than sit around and watch a movie... but i can't beat myself up too much for slacking off. i've kept myself busy lately and i'm kinda tired. i think i needed a little time to slack off by myself. besides, i'm having financial issues. i don't have a debit card at the moment (reference my previous post for an explanation as to why), and the atm card my bank gave me doesn't work and i can't inquire about it till tomorrow. so i have no cash on me at the moment. i'm experiencing what it's like to be broke even though i'm not broke. so leaving the house was futile. there's not much i could do without spending a little cash.
i do cohost an open mic tonight at the wild rover in guttenberg so that'll be my getting out of the house excursion. luckily it's close to home and i can pay my tab another day so cash won't be absolutely necessary. and it's a win/win because i get to keep my stand up muscles warm for another day.
i cut my hair today. i think it makes my beard look more fierce... like it suddenly seems to stick out more now that my hair's short and it doesn't blend in to it. at first i was a little on edge about how i looked and a part of me was seriously contemplating shaving the beard. but i think i got used to it over these past few hours and i think the beard will live on until further notice.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
stuff about today
i have a cough. but just a cough, nothing else. no runny nose.no watery eyes. the cough is the only symptom i have. it's odd cuz when i get sick, it's usually more than that. i don't know if i should be grateful that i'm only sorta sick or if i should be miserable cuz sick is sick regardless. cuz being sick usually makes me miserable. it brings out the baby in me. but in a way, it also helps me appreciate life more... not life at the moment, but life when i'm not sick. when i'm feeling good, life's okay and having a persistent cough reminds me of that and leaves me impatient for the next time i'll wake up, "feeling good."
my bank cancelled my debit/credit card on me yesterday. i found out because my card declined at the vending machine at work. my bank called me two hours after that to inform me that my information was included in some kinda fraud situation and they had to cancel my card immediately. and while i'm glad that my bank took swift action so that i wouldn't find myself a victim (it was precautionary. nothing was ever charged to my account), i'm a little unimpressed with their game plan after they cancelled my card. i won't get a new one for another 7-10 business days.
so this morning i wake up to find out my phone's been shut off because i have my account on an auto pay system that's connected to the card my bank cancelled on me yesterday. not wanting to get stuck not having a phone until my next debit card arrives, i decided to go to my local bank and get an atm card so i can withdraw cash and a visa gift card so i can pay for things online. i used said gift card to pay for my cell phone online but that declined at first. i had to call customer service to get it resolved which didn't take long, but still, the whole thing's been sorta annoying.
i was late to work as a result but that didn't matter because my job's a mess as of late and it's like no one even notices when i'm not around. i have to go out of my way to tell superiors i was late today. and it's not like i was trying to get one over on them. it's just that my phone was disconnected. i actually had no way to get in touch with them. so i just strolled in ten minutes after i was supposed to be there.
i'm sure there was some kinda karma in play though because eventually one of my "favorite" managers gave me a project at 5pm. i leave at 6:30pm. it's friday. at 5pm the office has pretty much gone on full slacker mode and here i was working on a project harder than i've been working on anything all week. i'm not mad that i have to work. i'm just mad that i'm stuck doing a project that probably could've been handed to me two days ago to give me more time. but whatever... i didn't finish it. i have to finish it monday. and i hate that... i hate walking away knowing i left something unfinished, but i had no choice. so i told myself that i can't leave work thinking about it all weekend. i gotta walk out the door and completely forget about the place.
lucky for me, i was on my way to tell jokes at a cafe in hoboken. stand up is a great distraction. i have to focus so much on what i'm gonna say, how i'm gonna say it, and so on and so forth. gotta have a solid plan before attacking a stage. just one of the many benefits of stand up comedy. semi-awesome thing happened during my set... i started talking about god in a not so flattering way, and the door of the cafe was open and suddenly you could hear the rain start coming down waaaaaay harder. if there's a man upstairs, he was heckling me. if that's the case, i guess that's sorta okay... it's a sign on a sense of humor. it's hard enough for me to believe in a god at all... i don't wanna think of the possibility of a grand creator of everything that doesn't have a sense of humor.
my bank cancelled my debit/credit card on me yesterday. i found out because my card declined at the vending machine at work. my bank called me two hours after that to inform me that my information was included in some kinda fraud situation and they had to cancel my card immediately. and while i'm glad that my bank took swift action so that i wouldn't find myself a victim (it was precautionary. nothing was ever charged to my account), i'm a little unimpressed with their game plan after they cancelled my card. i won't get a new one for another 7-10 business days.
so this morning i wake up to find out my phone's been shut off because i have my account on an auto pay system that's connected to the card my bank cancelled on me yesterday. not wanting to get stuck not having a phone until my next debit card arrives, i decided to go to my local bank and get an atm card so i can withdraw cash and a visa gift card so i can pay for things online. i used said gift card to pay for my cell phone online but that declined at first. i had to call customer service to get it resolved which didn't take long, but still, the whole thing's been sorta annoying.
i was late to work as a result but that didn't matter because my job's a mess as of late and it's like no one even notices when i'm not around. i have to go out of my way to tell superiors i was late today. and it's not like i was trying to get one over on them. it's just that my phone was disconnected. i actually had no way to get in touch with them. so i just strolled in ten minutes after i was supposed to be there.
i'm sure there was some kinda karma in play though because eventually one of my "favorite" managers gave me a project at 5pm. i leave at 6:30pm. it's friday. at 5pm the office has pretty much gone on full slacker mode and here i was working on a project harder than i've been working on anything all week. i'm not mad that i have to work. i'm just mad that i'm stuck doing a project that probably could've been handed to me two days ago to give me more time. but whatever... i didn't finish it. i have to finish it monday. and i hate that... i hate walking away knowing i left something unfinished, but i had no choice. so i told myself that i can't leave work thinking about it all weekend. i gotta walk out the door and completely forget about the place.
lucky for me, i was on my way to tell jokes at a cafe in hoboken. stand up is a great distraction. i have to focus so much on what i'm gonna say, how i'm gonna say it, and so on and so forth. gotta have a solid plan before attacking a stage. just one of the many benefits of stand up comedy. semi-awesome thing happened during my set... i started talking about god in a not so flattering way, and the door of the cafe was open and suddenly you could hear the rain start coming down waaaaaay harder. if there's a man upstairs, he was heckling me. if that's the case, i guess that's sorta okay... it's a sign on a sense of humor. it's hard enough for me to believe in a god at all... i don't wanna think of the possibility of a grand creator of everything that doesn't have a sense of humor.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
a running relapse
a couple weeks ago i quit running. not forever, but i was going to take a break. it was for all the wrong reasons and in hindsight it all seems stupid. but caught up in that moment, it made perfect sense. anyone who knows me at least semi-well knows that i'm a runner. i run frequently and i enjoy it. and yet, i had suddenly found myself in an odd mood that was a departure from the usual run-lovin' josh.
i got caught up in body image. i started running about six years ago, and about six months in, i'd started to hear people tell me i was looking skinny. sometimes people would tell me i was too skinny. i've even been called sickly a few times. i never let it get to me, ever. i always figured if i felt great and i felt healthy, then who cares about how others outside of this body perceived me?
but over the years i suppose it got to me. here i was spending a lot of time in gyms, surrounded by dudes with a lot more muscle mass than myself, wondering to myself that maybe i am supposed to look more like them. maybe i'm doing this wrong. maybe i'm running too much. and once i had collected enough self doubt to bury myself under, i quit running.
i was only gonna take a short break. i figured i'd quit for a bit but still keep up with my other exercise routines and the muscle mass would fly on. i'd look bigger and meaner and people would take notice and then i'd go back to running. then i'd be okay.
but as a few days of the new routine passed, i began to feel silly. i missed running. i missed what it was for me. every run was a test of my own inner strength. every run was a chance to drop everything and get away and come back stronger. every run was a chance to be in my own perfect solitude. even though i was still exercising, i still left lazy and incomplete... which is pretty much exactly how i felt the first time i lifted myself off my couch and went for my first run six years ago.
i'm a runner. i want to run until i die or at least until the point where my body won't allow it anymore. i hope i never find myself in this situation again because i felt utterly compromised by the world outside of me. it's my fault for not being strong enough to fight off the noise, but once i caved in, i felt like a hack, a sellout, a quitter. i don't run for anyone else. i do this for me. that's the way it's been since day one, that first day when i came back from a run out of breath and drenched in sweat and all i could think was, 'i can't wait to do this again tomorrow.'
i don't know if i'm running too much. i don't know if there's a such thing. maybe i am supposed to have more muscle mass. what i learned over the course of a couple weeks is that a lot of that stuff doesn't matter to me. i dove into a trove of internet articles. all i found were articles that supported all sides of any debate. if my research proved anything, it's that nobody seems to know for sure what's right when it comes to a fitness routine or a diet plan. but i do know this, i feel better as a runner. it makes me feel like a better and healthier person. it brings me a sense of satisfaction that i can't get anywhere else. that's all the science i need.
i got caught up in body image. i started running about six years ago, and about six months in, i'd started to hear people tell me i was looking skinny. sometimes people would tell me i was too skinny. i've even been called sickly a few times. i never let it get to me, ever. i always figured if i felt great and i felt healthy, then who cares about how others outside of this body perceived me?
but over the years i suppose it got to me. here i was spending a lot of time in gyms, surrounded by dudes with a lot more muscle mass than myself, wondering to myself that maybe i am supposed to look more like them. maybe i'm doing this wrong. maybe i'm running too much. and once i had collected enough self doubt to bury myself under, i quit running.
i was only gonna take a short break. i figured i'd quit for a bit but still keep up with my other exercise routines and the muscle mass would fly on. i'd look bigger and meaner and people would take notice and then i'd go back to running. then i'd be okay.
but as a few days of the new routine passed, i began to feel silly. i missed running. i missed what it was for me. every run was a test of my own inner strength. every run was a chance to drop everything and get away and come back stronger. every run was a chance to be in my own perfect solitude. even though i was still exercising, i still left lazy and incomplete... which is pretty much exactly how i felt the first time i lifted myself off my couch and went for my first run six years ago.
i'm a runner. i want to run until i die or at least until the point where my body won't allow it anymore. i hope i never find myself in this situation again because i felt utterly compromised by the world outside of me. it's my fault for not being strong enough to fight off the noise, but once i caved in, i felt like a hack, a sellout, a quitter. i don't run for anyone else. i do this for me. that's the way it's been since day one, that first day when i came back from a run out of breath and drenched in sweat and all i could think was, 'i can't wait to do this again tomorrow.'
i don't know if i'm running too much. i don't know if there's a such thing. maybe i am supposed to have more muscle mass. what i learned over the course of a couple weeks is that a lot of that stuff doesn't matter to me. i dove into a trove of internet articles. all i found were articles that supported all sides of any debate. if my research proved anything, it's that nobody seems to know for sure what's right when it comes to a fitness routine or a diet plan. but i do know this, i feel better as a runner. it makes me feel like a better and healthier person. it brings me a sense of satisfaction that i can't get anywhere else. that's all the science i need.
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