i don't wanna be 'ahead of my time'

don't ever tell me i'm 'ahead of my time.'

it's a phrase i hear thrown around, for artists mostly. painters, musicians, writers, and so on die poor, miserable, and unknown only to be celebrated and loved years down the line. what a rip! what good is appreciation and adulation when you're dead?

if someone ever tells me i'm ahead of my time, i'm going to change all my material. all i'll ever write and talk about is how much people in the future suck. so fuck you people of the future that yet to exist! i'm not scared of you! you're all a bunch of no good motherfuckers!! and you can't do anything about it, cuz i'm dead! you can't argue and tell me i'm wrong. i win you bunch of incestuous bastards.

and if you even think of trying to bother me on a ouija board, i will pee on your board from the great beyond.

hats off to NASCAR

I spent a good portion of my life thinking low of NASCAR. I'm not sure if it's the 'yankee' in me who simply don't get it or maybe it's the idea of setting a fair amount of my time to the side to watch cars drive around in circles all day. The only excitement i could ever imagine coming from that would be an accident of some sort... which is an awful thing to sit around and hope for.

and much like country music, i get sick of hearing how it's the most popular thing in the country. they say country music's more popular than rock and roll and NASCAR's more popular than football. even if the facts back it up, i just don't wanna hear it. enjoying either can sometimes seem like such an alien concept to me. my stubbornness takes over and i refuse to accept it.

but i've decided to try and put the hate away. ok, so i don't enjoy it. but i don't gotta piss on everyone else that does. and from here on in i won't.

and if you think about the roots of NASCAR and stock car racing in general, it's hard not to dig the hell out of it, at least for its historical importance.

stock car racing comes from the times of Prohibition. alcohol's illegal so someones gotta supply the illegal juice to the masses. those were bootleggers. bootleggers would tweak their cars so they could drive faster. this would help when they would find themselves being chased by those dastardly, booze-hating, buzz kill cops.

at some point, people decided to have a little fun and race these cars against one another. who's got the faster car? who's better at the artful skill of outrunning the cops?

fast forward many decades. multiply the fans many times over. find advertisers and multiply them many times over and it turns into the major conglomerate that NASCAR happens to be today.

i don't think it's any coincidence that today we see beer companies pour tons of money into advertising with NASCAR to get their names and logos on race cars and uniforms. NASCAR and alcohol couldn't have a closer relationship unless the drivers were allowed to drink while on the job.

hats off to you NASCAR. a sport rich in tradition, built upon the foundation of America's love for booze. God bless America and God bless NASCAR. but most importantly, God bless booze!

why i'll never own a dog

i saw this dude walking his dog yesterday. it was raining a bit, a light drizzle really. the dude's dog does his business... poops on the sidewalk. instead of tending to it, the dog's owner just keeps walking, leaving a big ol' steaming pile of dog poop to melt in the rain.

i wanna say i can see where this dude's coming from, that i can see why he didn't pick the poop up. but i just don't. this dude should not own a dog if he's not ready to play by the rules.

the main reason owning a dog doesn't appeal to me is the maintenance issue. they're so much work. i know this sounds lazy... but i am what i am, and knowing that, i can't deal with no dog.

but the difference between me and this dude is that i at least had the foresight to know that i would end up being just like him. getting lazy, thinking, 'eh, forget it.' especially when it's raining.

and that's just not cool. i know poop sucks. there's no joy in it. but it's part of the sacrifice. if you're not willing to pick up poop off the floor in all sorts of weather and circumstances, then owning a dog is not for you.

the buzzcocks don't seem to be very punk rock these days

old school flyer:















TICKETMASTER INFO FOR A SHOW TOMORROW IN NYC:

Buzzcocks
The Fillmore New York at Irving Plaza, New York, NY
Thu, May 13, 2010 08:00 PM

Section
Description GA
PRICE LEVEL 1
STANDING RM ONLY*NO SEATING! TypeFull Price TicketTicket PriceUS $29.50 x 1 Price Details Convenience ChargeUS $12.00 x 1
SUBTOTALUS $41.50


THAT'S MINUS THE DEAD KENNEDYS!!!
i rest my case.

the 'take a nap' manifesto (join the revolution!)

there's not enough napping anymore in society, and that's a major problem. we live in a world that's always on your back pressuring you to do more and get more accomplished. dig more holes! crunch more numbers! multitask! overtime! go the extra mile! and when you're totally tapped, exhausted, and ready to quit for the sake of your own sanity, go chug down one of them there energy drinks that the market is overflowing with at the moment. a whole section of your local corner store is dedicated to beverages to support your overworked, sleep deprived lifestyle.

and doing more always somehow seems to be the answer. can't pay the bills? get a second job! unforeseen medical expenses? work overtime! don't feel good about your status at the work place? spend every waking hour there busting your hump! and whatever you do, don't ever let your boss(es), teacher(s), superior(s), peers, and significant other(s) ever get the impression that your plate is full. always ask for more! you gotta be the most productive worker bee you can be for the queen of whatever hive you may be in at the moment. it might be work, school, home, etc..... bottom line:

sleep less! do more!

there's something not very comforting about this concept.

take the power back!! JOIN THE REVOLUTION!!! TAKE A NAP!!!

don't think a nap will do the trick? i DARE you to prove me wrong! i dare you to take a nap in the middle of the day and wake up and NOT feel good about it!

TAKE A NAP!! and go home on time, maybe even leave early! forget about the extra mile, get reacquainted with your bed.

some people say, 'i don't need to sleep, i'll sleep when i'm dead.' i say you'll be dead a lot sooner than you think if you don't sleep right. you need sleep. you and everyone else. no one is above this law! NO ONE!!

take a nap and take it easy!! you're in control of shit here!! don't let everyone else set your schedule for you. fuck 'em all over and take a nap.

for any soul who feels overworked, stressed out, or just plain ol' tired.... the fix is there! it's waiting for you!

i envision a future of napping humans. a way more relaxed, easy going humanity. change is possible. the future can be great. it all starts with you.

GO!!! TAKE A NAP... NOW!!!