during my very brief semester and a half in college, i once attended the play, 'waiting for godot.' i had to do it for a theater class that i would eventually drop out of. i wasn't very interested in theater but not knowing yet that i would eventually stop going to all my classes altogether in a couple weeks, i bought a ticket for the play. it's possible that it went over my head or maybe i just wasn't very interested.... but i'm pretty sure that it's about a dude who waits for something that never comes. i'm pretty sure it's some kinda metaphor for waiting for god or you could replace god with any other existentially heavy concept i suppose.
what i personally walked away with was that you shouldn't waste your time waiting for stuff that's never gonna materialize, or worse yet, don't wait for something you can't define. and i've come to realize that half the time i go to bars, that's exactly what i'm doing. i'm standing around waiting for something. i can't define it exactly. maybe it's the next conversation or the next drink or i'm just waiting for a good time to be had. but many times when i'm in a bar, i feel like all i'm doing is waiting. and that's pretty boring.
i find bars to be fun if you go in with a purpose. maybe it's karaoke or open mic night. maybe you're gonna play pool or arcade games. maybe there's a band or it's a friend's birthday celebration. i find that when the terms are defined before going into a bar, a good time is more likely to happen.
but most times when i end up at a bar to kill time, i'm seriously killing time. like i could be found guilty in a court of law for the murdering of minutes. there's gotta be a better way to spend the hours that keep on creeping by no matter how bad i want them to slow down. whenever i find myself in these situations, i always find myself existentially unfulfilled at the end of the night. what did i just accomplish? why did i blow all that money on waiting around? and then i usually do something really dumb to fill the void that's left inside of me... like eat white castle.
and maybe this is just a me thing and maybe i'm just a boring person in a bar and that's why it's happening. either way, the realization is a bit of a bummer for me personally. most times when i end up in a bar with no other intention but to fill time, it's cuz i'm bored. but all i'm really doing is trading one form of boring for another. i'm taking a risk.
it's not all doom and gloom. sometimes i go to a bar to kill time and i have a blast. but that's usually the exception, not the standard.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Saturday, July 27, 2013
i'm not a creep
i'm not a creep. i might be a weirdo, but i'm not a creep.
i can't help but think that sometimes radiohead's hit song, 'creep,' is what's wrong with my generation. i can't help but think that sometimes the song, 'creep,' is also what's wrong with generations after. i don't find any reason whatsoever to celebrate being a creep. i just don't think it's something to shoot for.
'creep,' came out into the world at the exact time in history you'd think it would. it was a time when it seemed cool to be down and depressed and sad. it was a time when a lot of our heroes were kinda bummers. and, 'creep,' sorta perfectly captured that spirit. you could probably single out, 'creep,' and beck's, 'loser,' as the anthems for that time (at least, 'loser,' was sorta upbeat musically). that's how we felt, like losers and creeps. at the time when i was a stupid teenager, that seemed cool. but looking back at age 33, i want no part of that.
to this day it sorta bums me out to be in a bar and hear, 'creep,' come on the jukebox when suddenly everyone around me is singing the chorus in unison. and hey, i get it. i've been there. i've been that dude. i guess at some point in our lives, we all play the roll of the loser creep that no one's attracted to. so the song gives people some form of catharsis and that's always a pretty rad feeling, even if it's focused on something negative.
but no one's ever gonna be attracted to the loser creep who thinks of themselves as such. if you wanna rock out to this song, go ahead. but don't live it. don't hear it and think, 'this is about me.' cuz being a creep is not a good thing. i don't wanna be around creeps. it's in the name, they creep me out.
it's okay to be weird. and it's fine to be different. we should all be different. break molds. be unique. march to your own damn drumbeat. and if you find yourself misunderstood by most, that's cool. just like who you are. there's no joy in taking a look in the mirror and thinking, 'what a creep.' do whatever you gotta do to stop thinking that about yourself.
and for the record, i'm a radiohead fan. i even think, 'creep,' is a good song. but i think that it became too popular. and it's rise to popularity and it's lasting power for damn near 20 years says something about the listeners who keep that song popular. radiohead has a pretty expansive library. go dig around in it. stop replaying the song that makes you feel okay for being down on yourself. in fact, stop replaying anything that makes you feel okay for being down on yourself.
i can't help but think that sometimes radiohead's hit song, 'creep,' is what's wrong with my generation. i can't help but think that sometimes the song, 'creep,' is also what's wrong with generations after. i don't find any reason whatsoever to celebrate being a creep. i just don't think it's something to shoot for.
'creep,' came out into the world at the exact time in history you'd think it would. it was a time when it seemed cool to be down and depressed and sad. it was a time when a lot of our heroes were kinda bummers. and, 'creep,' sorta perfectly captured that spirit. you could probably single out, 'creep,' and beck's, 'loser,' as the anthems for that time (at least, 'loser,' was sorta upbeat musically). that's how we felt, like losers and creeps. at the time when i was a stupid teenager, that seemed cool. but looking back at age 33, i want no part of that.
to this day it sorta bums me out to be in a bar and hear, 'creep,' come on the jukebox when suddenly everyone around me is singing the chorus in unison. and hey, i get it. i've been there. i've been that dude. i guess at some point in our lives, we all play the roll of the loser creep that no one's attracted to. so the song gives people some form of catharsis and that's always a pretty rad feeling, even if it's focused on something negative.
but no one's ever gonna be attracted to the loser creep who thinks of themselves as such. if you wanna rock out to this song, go ahead. but don't live it. don't hear it and think, 'this is about me.' cuz being a creep is not a good thing. i don't wanna be around creeps. it's in the name, they creep me out.
it's okay to be weird. and it's fine to be different. we should all be different. break molds. be unique. march to your own damn drumbeat. and if you find yourself misunderstood by most, that's cool. just like who you are. there's no joy in taking a look in the mirror and thinking, 'what a creep.' do whatever you gotta do to stop thinking that about yourself.
and for the record, i'm a radiohead fan. i even think, 'creep,' is a good song. but i think that it became too popular. and it's rise to popularity and it's lasting power for damn near 20 years says something about the listeners who keep that song popular. radiohead has a pretty expansive library. go dig around in it. stop replaying the song that makes you feel okay for being down on yourself. in fact, stop replaying anything that makes you feel okay for being down on yourself.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
battle of the sexes: one-upmanship
based on my experiences and what i've seen in the world around me, i find it almost completely safe to assume that when it comes to the art of one-upmanship between men and women, women will almost always get the last laugh. they're just plain ol' better at it. they're in it to win it and their will alone allows them to outlast any random dude's desire to come out on top in this sorta contest. the only thing a dude is usually better at in this competition is waving the white flag. so my advice to all the dudes of the world is this, get your white flag out early. you may be delusional enough to think you've got the strategy that's gonna break the mold on this, but you don't and your sense of vanity will only crumble into a pile of embarrassment. give it up, women rule at this.
unless.....
there's really only one form of one-upmanship that can clinch the victory for a dude. but it's a big risk and you may lose it all. but if winning this contest is what you wanna do, and you feel you must win at all costs, this is what you do. write a song about her. but if you're gonna do this, it better be a big fucking hit. the kinda hit the radio can't avoid. the kinda hit that's so catchy that all her female friends are singing it all the time. make a song that has the whole world bopping their heads in unison to your final one up, the last one up you'll ever need. cuz if it's a hit song, there's no coming back from this. you won.
but woe is you if you half ass this. if you end up with a song that sucks and goes nowhere, you've effectively lost the one up battle in the most excruciating way possible. you took yourself out of the competition. you were so bad that all she had to do was sit back, relax, and watch you crash and burn.
so dudes of the world, if you don't have a hit song up your sleeve (spoiler alert: you probably don't and even if you do, remember you might risk it ALL), leave this game alone. when it comes to one-upmanship, women rule.
unless.....
there's really only one form of one-upmanship that can clinch the victory for a dude. but it's a big risk and you may lose it all. but if winning this contest is what you wanna do, and you feel you must win at all costs, this is what you do. write a song about her. but if you're gonna do this, it better be a big fucking hit. the kinda hit the radio can't avoid. the kinda hit that's so catchy that all her female friends are singing it all the time. make a song that has the whole world bopping their heads in unison to your final one up, the last one up you'll ever need. cuz if it's a hit song, there's no coming back from this. you won.
but woe is you if you half ass this. if you end up with a song that sucks and goes nowhere, you've effectively lost the one up battle in the most excruciating way possible. you took yourself out of the competition. you were so bad that all she had to do was sit back, relax, and watch you crash and burn.
so dudes of the world, if you don't have a hit song up your sleeve (spoiler alert: you probably don't and even if you do, remember you might risk it ALL), leave this game alone. when it comes to one-upmanship, women rule.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
celebrate ugly
i think it's time to stop looking our best. it's time to stop taking the pictures that make us look awesome. it's time to stop pretending that beast you happen to be when you wake up in the morning isn't the real you. that is the real you. that's the realest you. that's the realest you're ever gonna get. take a picture of that you. put it on your facebook page.
i don't understand why people try to look their best in certain social situations. whether it's something as casual as social networking or more serious stuff like dating, job interviews, meeting the significant other's family... y'know all those types of situations where standard operating procedure up to this point has been, "look your best," "dress to impress," and all that other nonsense. if these interactions go your way, they're eventually gonna see you in the rugged for who you really are anyways. why start it all off with some facade? give 'em the goods right up front.
cuz if you don't do that, all you're doing is putting yourself into a situation where you're raising everyone else'e expectations of you. and that's not fair. here you were, just trying to do your best to get people to like you and now they're probably gonna expect more of you than you can possibly offer. how much better would it be if we all agreed to stop doing that?
and you should only want people to like you for you. if all you can get out of people is for them to like you cuz of the way you look in a certain fancy suit or dress, then you're probably just a sucky person in said suit or dress. work on who you are, not what you wear. your focus is in all the wrong places.
and as an added bonus to all of this, we'd all be more comfortable. imagine a world where everyone dressed for comfort. whatever it may be, pajamas, a potato sack... as long as you got your naughty parts covered up, who cares what you wear? the uptightness of the human race would drop down several ticks. many sticks would suddenly be removed from the nether regions of many asses.
i don't understand why people try to look their best in certain social situations. whether it's something as casual as social networking or more serious stuff like dating, job interviews, meeting the significant other's family... y'know all those types of situations where standard operating procedure up to this point has been, "look your best," "dress to impress," and all that other nonsense. if these interactions go your way, they're eventually gonna see you in the rugged for who you really are anyways. why start it all off with some facade? give 'em the goods right up front.
cuz if you don't do that, all you're doing is putting yourself into a situation where you're raising everyone else'e expectations of you. and that's not fair. here you were, just trying to do your best to get people to like you and now they're probably gonna expect more of you than you can possibly offer. how much better would it be if we all agreed to stop doing that?
and you should only want people to like you for you. if all you can get out of people is for them to like you cuz of the way you look in a certain fancy suit or dress, then you're probably just a sucky person in said suit or dress. work on who you are, not what you wear. your focus is in all the wrong places.
and as an added bonus to all of this, we'd all be more comfortable. imagine a world where everyone dressed for comfort. whatever it may be, pajamas, a potato sack... as long as you got your naughty parts covered up, who cares what you wear? the uptightness of the human race would drop down several ticks. many sticks would suddenly be removed from the nether regions of many asses.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
cold world
george zimmerman was found not guilty of murdering trayvon martin. the words seem insane as i type them out. i mean, frame it however you want to... but a bullet took trayvon martin's life. he was murdered by a gun, by george zimmerman's gun. the whole thing seems insane. if george zimmerman didn't murder trayvon martin, then how did trayvon martin die? the logic seems flawed at the most basic level.
and then i'm reminded that this is the cold world we live in. fairy tales are lies. bad stuff is happening all the time and life in general is not a fair game. me personally, i don't think it's fair that zimmerman gets to walk away from this. i don't think it's fair that a life was taken and no one's gonna pay any legal consequences for it whatsoever. but i also think life's not fair and i had sorta been preparing myself mentally for a george zimmerman acquittal.
justice isn't fair. the american justice system is probably one of the top justice systems in the world (this is an assumption on my part, i know nothing of the justice systems in other countries). when i take a look at our justice system from afar, i figure we could do a lot worse. sure there's room for improvement. it's not perfect. but it never will be. we'll always be victim to a system that usually favors the better lawyer. to a certain extent, it's like any other form of competition. if the lebron james of lawyers goes one on one with the brian scalabrene of lawyers (love ya red mamba), lebron's gonna dominate. that's a law of the cold world we live in.
and let's not forget the jury process. most people i know don't like jury duty, don't wanna be selected to be on a jury, are sometimes willing to lie or connive their way out of jury duty. we're told it's a civic duty but that concept doesn't resonate in any serious fashion with most people i know. it's like my good friend kevin said last night, "smart people don't get selected to juries." sure, there's probably random exceptions to that statement, but for the most part i assume most smart people are trying to outsmart their way out of being on a jury in the first place. what does that leave us with? i'll let you do the math. just another sad part of the cold world we live in.
but what's great about living in a cold world is that nobody's immune to it. we all have to deal with it. and so will george zimmerman. his life outside of prison will probably be better than a life inside prison or having to face the death penalty. but his life's gonna suck. george zimmerman will have to live the remainder of his life knowing that a large faction of the country he lives in despises him. he'll have to live with death threats and constant danger. he blamed gaining an excessive amount of weight on the anxiety of the past year or so. that's just the preface of the next chapter of his life. there won't be a free person in america that'll want to trade places with george zimmerman. everything george zimmerman does from now till eternity will be a suckier experience for him... anything ranging from facebook to grocery store shopping, hitting the beach to taking in a ballgame. zimmerman's free but he's not as free as the rest of us. he'll be imprisoned by a public that found him guilty a little over a year ago.
it's a cold world for all of us, but starting today, it'll be a little colder for george zimmerman.
and then i'm reminded that this is the cold world we live in. fairy tales are lies. bad stuff is happening all the time and life in general is not a fair game. me personally, i don't think it's fair that zimmerman gets to walk away from this. i don't think it's fair that a life was taken and no one's gonna pay any legal consequences for it whatsoever. but i also think life's not fair and i had sorta been preparing myself mentally for a george zimmerman acquittal.
justice isn't fair. the american justice system is probably one of the top justice systems in the world (this is an assumption on my part, i know nothing of the justice systems in other countries). when i take a look at our justice system from afar, i figure we could do a lot worse. sure there's room for improvement. it's not perfect. but it never will be. we'll always be victim to a system that usually favors the better lawyer. to a certain extent, it's like any other form of competition. if the lebron james of lawyers goes one on one with the brian scalabrene of lawyers (love ya red mamba), lebron's gonna dominate. that's a law of the cold world we live in.
and let's not forget the jury process. most people i know don't like jury duty, don't wanna be selected to be on a jury, are sometimes willing to lie or connive their way out of jury duty. we're told it's a civic duty but that concept doesn't resonate in any serious fashion with most people i know. it's like my good friend kevin said last night, "smart people don't get selected to juries." sure, there's probably random exceptions to that statement, but for the most part i assume most smart people are trying to outsmart their way out of being on a jury in the first place. what does that leave us with? i'll let you do the math. just another sad part of the cold world we live in.
but what's great about living in a cold world is that nobody's immune to it. we all have to deal with it. and so will george zimmerman. his life outside of prison will probably be better than a life inside prison or having to face the death penalty. but his life's gonna suck. george zimmerman will have to live the remainder of his life knowing that a large faction of the country he lives in despises him. he'll have to live with death threats and constant danger. he blamed gaining an excessive amount of weight on the anxiety of the past year or so. that's just the preface of the next chapter of his life. there won't be a free person in america that'll want to trade places with george zimmerman. everything george zimmerman does from now till eternity will be a suckier experience for him... anything ranging from facebook to grocery store shopping, hitting the beach to taking in a ballgame. zimmerman's free but he's not as free as the rest of us. he'll be imprisoned by a public that found him guilty a little over a year ago.
it's a cold world for all of us, but starting today, it'll be a little colder for george zimmerman.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
meeting chuck klosterman
actually, i didn't really meet chuck klosterman. sure, we said a few polite things to each other and he signed the book i just purchased. but i had just waited in a line behind a crowd of klosterman maniacs who were all there for the same reason. it's a book signing, something i've never participated in before because i'm weird about autographs.
i don't put a whole lot of value into autographs. i'm not the type of person that goes to conventions or other events so i can wait in line and get things signed by celebrities who i happen to be a fan of. i am a big klosterman fan, and it was cool to be in his presence and it was cool to get his autograph and he was a waaaay nice dude about it, thanking me for being there and hoping i like the new book.
but the reason i was there was cuz he did a reading and a q&a after. i was there really just to hear him speak to a crowd. to me it's the author equivalent of going to see a band or a comedian live. and in those instances, i'm there cuz i enjoy whoever it is that's on the bill. but i never wait around after the show. i never try to get anything signed. i'm not there for that. i'm there to watch/hear/most importantly enjoy whatever it is they do. and i enjoyed the hell out of listening to the words of chuck klosterman that night.
but did i meet him? scientifically i suppose i did. but a real meeting happens whenever two or more people encounter each other for whatever reason and walk away feeling like they got to know all other involved parties better. that didn't happen. i know of chuck. but i don't really know chuck the person. and chuck seriously don't know josh. at the end of the day, i figure all the autograph signing blends all the faces together into some sorta gelatinous blur... this goes for all those in the business of giving autographs. i imagine that's just the way it is.
but by all means, if that's your thing, and you get something out of it, go for it. i can't deny that it holds some value for me. but usually not enough value for me to exclusively seek out autographs. but in this instance, it seemed to be included with the package that was going to see chuck klosterman at barcade in jersey city, nj.
what kinda value? this book is now on a short list of things i will try to quickly grab, if i can, if i ever find myself in a situation where my apartment is on fire and i need to leave asap. cuz if i have to start a new library, might as well be with a book that's signed.
while i'm on the topic of chuck klosterman... i'm a huge fan. he's in this odd sorta classification of author for me. i have a few authors, klosterman and vonnegut most notably, who i enjoy immensely. or at least, have enjoyed immensely so far. i've enjoyed the books that i have read so far by them so much, that i make it a point not to burn through all their books too quickly. i don't ever wanna read two klosterman/vonnegut books in a row, ever. i wanna always have one waiting for me in the future somewhere. with klosterman, it's a little easier to maintain cuz he's still alive and writing. but vonnegut... ugh, i'm gonna be really bummed when i finish reading everything he's ever written.
i don't put a whole lot of value into autographs. i'm not the type of person that goes to conventions or other events so i can wait in line and get things signed by celebrities who i happen to be a fan of. i am a big klosterman fan, and it was cool to be in his presence and it was cool to get his autograph and he was a waaaay nice dude about it, thanking me for being there and hoping i like the new book.
but the reason i was there was cuz he did a reading and a q&a after. i was there really just to hear him speak to a crowd. to me it's the author equivalent of going to see a band or a comedian live. and in those instances, i'm there cuz i enjoy whoever it is that's on the bill. but i never wait around after the show. i never try to get anything signed. i'm not there for that. i'm there to watch/hear/most importantly enjoy whatever it is they do. and i enjoyed the hell out of listening to the words of chuck klosterman that night.
but did i meet him? scientifically i suppose i did. but a real meeting happens whenever two or more people encounter each other for whatever reason and walk away feeling like they got to know all other involved parties better. that didn't happen. i know of chuck. but i don't really know chuck the person. and chuck seriously don't know josh. at the end of the day, i figure all the autograph signing blends all the faces together into some sorta gelatinous blur... this goes for all those in the business of giving autographs. i imagine that's just the way it is.
but by all means, if that's your thing, and you get something out of it, go for it. i can't deny that it holds some value for me. but usually not enough value for me to exclusively seek out autographs. but in this instance, it seemed to be included with the package that was going to see chuck klosterman at barcade in jersey city, nj.
what kinda value? this book is now on a short list of things i will try to quickly grab, if i can, if i ever find myself in a situation where my apartment is on fire and i need to leave asap. cuz if i have to start a new library, might as well be with a book that's signed.
while i'm on the topic of chuck klosterman... i'm a huge fan. he's in this odd sorta classification of author for me. i have a few authors, klosterman and vonnegut most notably, who i enjoy immensely. or at least, have enjoyed immensely so far. i've enjoyed the books that i have read so far by them so much, that i make it a point not to burn through all their books too quickly. i don't ever wanna read two klosterman/vonnegut books in a row, ever. i wanna always have one waiting for me in the future somewhere. with klosterman, it's a little easier to maintain cuz he's still alive and writing. but vonnegut... ugh, i'm gonna be really bummed when i finish reading everything he's ever written.
Monday, July 8, 2013
thanks for the feedback
after my set last night at the wild rover open mic, a patron at the bar gave me her feedback before leaving the bar for the night. i'm not posting this for pity. and i'm not posting this because i think i'm great. i'm comfortable with the idea that not everyone's gonna like me or laugh at my jokes. that's cool. and it's even cool for people to let me know if they think i'm not funny. i got no problems with that, just look at the name of my blog (or my twitter handle @joshaintfunny). it's just that this chick went overboard on me last night. and it was the sorta ridiculousness i'd like to share it with the world.
for the record, i never got her name.
as she's leaving with a dude (husband, boyfriend?? not sure, never got told the specifics) she comes up to me as i'm sitting down enjoying a beer and exclaims, "hey! i'm funnier than you!"
my immediate response was, "ok, that's great. how about you sign up and perform then?"
to which she replied, "i can't. he (points at the dude she's with who's practically one foot out the door and seems to have no interest in being at this bar anymore) doesn't like it when i perform. but i perform at the improv in new york. i have some feedback for you, something i thought of that you could add to your set."
it is at this point where i sorta tune out on people. this sorta thing unfortunately happens too often, especially when dealing with people of the drunk variety. my go to stance at this point is to politely nod and humor whatever it is they have to say. so i reply with an, "oh yea? what cha got?"
"well, i have this bit about butt fucking, y'know a dude fucking another dude in the ass. it's funny. you can add it to the part about obama (cuz i did have a joke about obama but it was short, not graphic, and doesn't get close to the topic of "butt fucking" in any way... but anyways....). you see obama's right hand man went to duke. and that's who tells him who's gonna win the final 4 tournament every year. they're like best friends (she mentioned the dude by name but it has slipped from my memory). you can do a bit about them fucking each other."
and that was it. that was her great, funny idea that would make my set so much better. but anyways, she bantered on a little more... with not much encouragment from me, but i went, "okaaaaay...."
and then she continues with, "like i said, i perform at the improv. but i'm 44. i don't perform that much anymore."
i butt in, "you should perform tonight!" (cuz i really wanted her to get up there and bomb at this point).
"no, no i can't. we're leaving and like i said, he doesn't like it when i do this stuff."
and then she left.
two things i've walked away with:
1- next time you see me perform, you can feel 100% at ease that i will NOT in any way have a butt fucking obama bit in my repertoire
and
2- if you're lucky, maybe you can hit the improv in nyc and catch her sometime.
for the record, i never got her name.
as she's leaving with a dude (husband, boyfriend?? not sure, never got told the specifics) she comes up to me as i'm sitting down enjoying a beer and exclaims, "hey! i'm funnier than you!"
my immediate response was, "ok, that's great. how about you sign up and perform then?"
to which she replied, "i can't. he (points at the dude she's with who's practically one foot out the door and seems to have no interest in being at this bar anymore) doesn't like it when i perform. but i perform at the improv in new york. i have some feedback for you, something i thought of that you could add to your set."
it is at this point where i sorta tune out on people. this sorta thing unfortunately happens too often, especially when dealing with people of the drunk variety. my go to stance at this point is to politely nod and humor whatever it is they have to say. so i reply with an, "oh yea? what cha got?"
"well, i have this bit about butt fucking, y'know a dude fucking another dude in the ass. it's funny. you can add it to the part about obama (cuz i did have a joke about obama but it was short, not graphic, and doesn't get close to the topic of "butt fucking" in any way... but anyways....). you see obama's right hand man went to duke. and that's who tells him who's gonna win the final 4 tournament every year. they're like best friends (she mentioned the dude by name but it has slipped from my memory). you can do a bit about them fucking each other."
and that was it. that was her great, funny idea that would make my set so much better. but anyways, she bantered on a little more... with not much encouragment from me, but i went, "okaaaaay...."
and then she continues with, "like i said, i perform at the improv. but i'm 44. i don't perform that much anymore."
i butt in, "you should perform tonight!" (cuz i really wanted her to get up there and bomb at this point).
"no, no i can't. we're leaving and like i said, he doesn't like it when i do this stuff."
and then she left.
two things i've walked away with:
1- next time you see me perform, you can feel 100% at ease that i will NOT in any way have a butt fucking obama bit in my repertoire
and
2- if you're lucky, maybe you can hit the improv in nyc and catch her sometime.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
compact discs as coasters
as far as listening to music goes, cd's are the worst. any cd ever created in all of history was doomed to become scratched up eventually. and there's not much that's more annoying than the skipping of a scratched cd while you're trying to enjoy some tunes. it would've been way cooler if we could've gone from cassette tapes to mp3's. the whole cd phase was useless and all that's left behind is stacks of old cd's with scratches on them that people try to play in cars that don't have any sort of mp3 technology in them.
beyond that, cd's ruined our attention span. cd's made it too easy to skip songs. if you wanted to skip to the next song on a tape, you had to really want it. you had to press down on the fast forward button and wait a bunch of seconds. then you had to press play, realize you went too far, and rewind it, and end up in the previous song again. it was a mess and most of the time it was better to just let the damn thing play. and to me that's a good thing.
i prefer to listen to music by the album. i like to play entire albums from beginning to end without skipping any tracks. albums have a feel to them. it's like the album is greater than the sum of its songs. when i was younger i used to like to listen to whole albums. but i got lost somewhere along the way. cd's had me skipping ahead to the songs i liked better. i was so trained in that mindset, that by the time mp3 players came around, i was consuming music on shuffle mode almost all the time. it took me a few years to get back to a place where i was listening to whole albums again. and now that i do, it's enhanced listening to music in general for me. i'm not gonna say there's anything scientific or factual to back me up here... it's just the feel of the whole thing. plus, artists work so hard to put an album together, it just seems like the way it's supposed to be. like skipping through an album or just picking one or two songs out is some kinda injustice that negates their artistry and hard work.
another advantage tapes had over cd's was portability. portable cd players sucked. they always skipped. it took them years to invent "skip proof" cd players and even then those weren't perfect. walkmen for cassette tapes however were fucking awesome. you didn't lose anything in the experience. you pressed play and it played with no issues.
also, blank tapes are better than blank cd's. sure, blank cd's were easier to mess with once we were able to throw mp3's on them, but making a blank tape was an experience. you had to spend time with it and really think out your game plan. was your tape going to have a theme? were you gonna give it to someone, like a friend or a crush? were you gonna try and record songs straight off the radio or borrow tapes from a friend's collection? you had to time things out so you didn't end side a in the middle of a song cuz that was a bummer. it took work and when you were done you had a sense of pride. blank cd's never could give you quite the same joy.
now we're knee deep into the digital stuff. and i'm happy with it. i like mp3's. i like being able to carry around a boatload of music on a handheld device. long gone are the days of cassette tapes and they're probably never coming back. but i'll always look back on the days of rocking cassettes as an awesome time. cd's on the other hand... i'll probably always remember trying to entertain people at a party with my awesome music selection only to be foiled by a cd that skips so much, it ends up annoying everyone in the room. or how i was really bummed out that one day and all i needed to hear was that one song to lift my spirits and i'd have to put up with a bunch of skipping to get through it. not every song on every cd skipped, but it happened frequently enough to qualify as a legitimate pain in the ass.
so long cd's. i'm glad you're no longer the most accepted form of music listening format. besides inadvertently tarnishing our attention spans by allowing us the convenience to skip through tracks, your only good purpose these days are as a coaster for beverages i drink while listening to music i downloaded off the internet at home.
beyond that, cd's ruined our attention span. cd's made it too easy to skip songs. if you wanted to skip to the next song on a tape, you had to really want it. you had to press down on the fast forward button and wait a bunch of seconds. then you had to press play, realize you went too far, and rewind it, and end up in the previous song again. it was a mess and most of the time it was better to just let the damn thing play. and to me that's a good thing.
i prefer to listen to music by the album. i like to play entire albums from beginning to end without skipping any tracks. albums have a feel to them. it's like the album is greater than the sum of its songs. when i was younger i used to like to listen to whole albums. but i got lost somewhere along the way. cd's had me skipping ahead to the songs i liked better. i was so trained in that mindset, that by the time mp3 players came around, i was consuming music on shuffle mode almost all the time. it took me a few years to get back to a place where i was listening to whole albums again. and now that i do, it's enhanced listening to music in general for me. i'm not gonna say there's anything scientific or factual to back me up here... it's just the feel of the whole thing. plus, artists work so hard to put an album together, it just seems like the way it's supposed to be. like skipping through an album or just picking one or two songs out is some kinda injustice that negates their artistry and hard work.
another advantage tapes had over cd's was portability. portable cd players sucked. they always skipped. it took them years to invent "skip proof" cd players and even then those weren't perfect. walkmen for cassette tapes however were fucking awesome. you didn't lose anything in the experience. you pressed play and it played with no issues.
also, blank tapes are better than blank cd's. sure, blank cd's were easier to mess with once we were able to throw mp3's on them, but making a blank tape was an experience. you had to spend time with it and really think out your game plan. was your tape going to have a theme? were you gonna give it to someone, like a friend or a crush? were you gonna try and record songs straight off the radio or borrow tapes from a friend's collection? you had to time things out so you didn't end side a in the middle of a song cuz that was a bummer. it took work and when you were done you had a sense of pride. blank cd's never could give you quite the same joy.
now we're knee deep into the digital stuff. and i'm happy with it. i like mp3's. i like being able to carry around a boatload of music on a handheld device. long gone are the days of cassette tapes and they're probably never coming back. but i'll always look back on the days of rocking cassettes as an awesome time. cd's on the other hand... i'll probably always remember trying to entertain people at a party with my awesome music selection only to be foiled by a cd that skips so much, it ends up annoying everyone in the room. or how i was really bummed out that one day and all i needed to hear was that one song to lift my spirits and i'd have to put up with a bunch of skipping to get through it. not every song on every cd skipped, but it happened frequently enough to qualify as a legitimate pain in the ass.
so long cd's. i'm glad you're no longer the most accepted form of music listening format. besides inadvertently tarnishing our attention spans by allowing us the convenience to skip through tracks, your only good purpose these days are as a coaster for beverages i drink while listening to music i downloaded off the internet at home.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
in memorium of matt osbourne, aka doink the clown
i'm not sure when i started rooting for bad guys in wrestling. but i clearly remember getting a kick out of doink the clown. doink the clown debuted in the wwf as a villainous bad guy. he would use stupid clown tricks like spraying someone in the eyes with water to cheat and win. sometimes they'd dress up another dude as a second doink the clown and he would come in and help the first doink win his match. but maybe the most memorable aspect of doink the clown as a heel was his entrance. they'd play this creepy music when he'd come out from the backstage area and children would cry. wwf would actually catch close ups of children crying on camera. pretty sweet stuff if you're rooting for villainy. children crying is like the bad guy equivalent of a standing ovation. the only thing that could possibly top that is a death threat.
it might've been cause i've always dug clowns. when i was a kid, i thought clowns were cool. they were the only grown ups who were allowed to act completely ridiculous at all times. as a child, that seemed awesome. and on top of that, a lot of people fear clowns. and i don't really understand the psychology behind it but i know it's a thing. so here was this thing that i seemed to dig that scared the living crap out of other people. it was like my heavy metal. it made me feel cool. in hindsight, probably wasn't as cool as i thought, but hey, i was a dweeb who needed something over other people. i wasn't gonna start playing sports or kissing girls anytime soon.
doink was originally portrayed by matt osborne. matt osborne died a few days ago. he left wwf on bad terms and to make matters worse, they would continue to dress other dudes up like doink and use the character. so it was like he was never gone. and who can blame wwf? i'm sure the story lines at the time were in high demand for a wrestling clown. the show MUST go on, even if it's a clown who squirts water in the faces of his opponent to cheat, right?
i watched monday night raw last night and i had hoped that wwf (now wwe) was going to do some kinda tribute for matt osbourne, but they didn't. he didn't even get a picture on the screen at the end of the show. and i find that sad (queue a picture of a kid crying to doink's entrance). doink represented a different side of wwf. among all these serious grapplers and tough guys were some silly characters that bordered on the line of cartoonish. and i think doink will always represent that silly side of wwf that is still fairly represented to this day. but as far as silly goes, nothing may ever be as silly as doink the clown, who at times would roll with several other doinks or even several mini-doinks.
thanks for the laughs/tears matt osbourne. cya at the crossroads.
it might've been cause i've always dug clowns. when i was a kid, i thought clowns were cool. they were the only grown ups who were allowed to act completely ridiculous at all times. as a child, that seemed awesome. and on top of that, a lot of people fear clowns. and i don't really understand the psychology behind it but i know it's a thing. so here was this thing that i seemed to dig that scared the living crap out of other people. it was like my heavy metal. it made me feel cool. in hindsight, probably wasn't as cool as i thought, but hey, i was a dweeb who needed something over other people. i wasn't gonna start playing sports or kissing girls anytime soon.
doink was originally portrayed by matt osborne. matt osborne died a few days ago. he left wwf on bad terms and to make matters worse, they would continue to dress other dudes up like doink and use the character. so it was like he was never gone. and who can blame wwf? i'm sure the story lines at the time were in high demand for a wrestling clown. the show MUST go on, even if it's a clown who squirts water in the faces of his opponent to cheat, right?
i watched monday night raw last night and i had hoped that wwf (now wwe) was going to do some kinda tribute for matt osbourne, but they didn't. he didn't even get a picture on the screen at the end of the show. and i find that sad (queue a picture of a kid crying to doink's entrance). doink represented a different side of wwf. among all these serious grapplers and tough guys were some silly characters that bordered on the line of cartoonish. and i think doink will always represent that silly side of wwf that is still fairly represented to this day. but as far as silly goes, nothing may ever be as silly as doink the clown, who at times would roll with several other doinks or even several mini-doinks.
thanks for the laughs/tears matt osbourne. cya at the crossroads.
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