99 things about me, from my facebook page

1- i think instead of everyone "wang chung"

tonite, it should be everyone josh wells tonite.

2- there's no greater story ever told than pulp fiction

3- if they made a movie about my life, i'd want samuel l. jackson to play me

4- i talk to my cats

5- i'm always playing with my hair

6- my mp3 player changed my life

7- i'm a 1/4th owner of an independant record label
"t'welv-step records"

8- i perform stand up comedy

9- i think i should be considered an 80's baby, i only
missed the mark by 15 days.

10- i used to own hammer pants

11- at one time in my life, i knew all the words to vanilla
ice's first album

12- but i never like the new kids

13- listening to nirvana changed EVERYTHING

14- i switched to miller lite when i go out cuz i don't want
a beer gut, but for a lite beer, it is pretty damn tasty.

15- i like myspace better than facebook

16- i miss road trips and weird nj adventures

17- i miss kevin's farm

18- i miss the ol' days of drinking 40 oz's in chilltown

19- i want to own a gun

20- i like explosives

21- i like bonfires

22- i like breaking stuff

23- i consider myself a pacifist

24- being a pacifist is tough cuz i can think of several
instances in the past when i should've just punched people in the face.

25- i have absolutely no beliefs about the afterlife.

26- i love blasting music and rocking out!

27- i love catching bands live, prefer the smaller venues
where you can feel the love and the sweat.

28- i'm an ordained minister with the Universal Life
Church

29- i married people (LaTosha and Gus!)

30- i wouldn't mind performing more marriage ceremonies.

31- i love karaoke

32- i dream of being a lead singer of an awesome punk rock
band

33- i'm pretty sure i'm tone deaf

34- i'm a momma's boy

35- bbq's rule! and there should be more of them!

36- i'm foolish enough to believe we all can get along

37- conan o'brein rules! but i hope the move to the tonight
show doesn't mess it up.

38- i won 2 cats, gizmo and mittens

39- i try not to drink coffee, but i think it's a staple for
all diner runs

40- i enjoy sleeping till noon if i can

41- i'm a night owl, and definitely not a morning person

42- i'm always down for a game of spades

43- my left ear is pierced, but i don't rock earrings
anymore

44- at a show at ucb, mike birbiglia gave me shit for voting
nader in 2000

45- i took 3 levels of improv classes at ucb

46- i went to college for a short time.

47- i blame my love for nietzsche and nihilism for dropping
out

48- i have no interest in going back

49- i think empire records is a great movie.

50- yeah, i did just say that.

51- i bought the first 3 limp bizkit albums

52- i like the first 2 limp bizkit albums

53- i'm about $2,000 in debt.

54- i've been arrested for DUI

55- i quit smoking cigarettes

56- flannel is still cool

57- in a drunken stupor, i once attempted to walk home from newark by myself. i made
it as far as the days inn by newark
airport

58- i love drinking tea with milk and sugar

59- quick check sandwiches rule

60- i met max weinberg, and he was an asshole

61- i'm drinking a caramel machiato latte from starbucks
right now

62- there was this chick on the bus today who had mc esher
sneakers and she was reading 'survivor' by chuck palahniuk. i spent the whole
ride convincing myself to talk to her. i chickened out.

63- i have an odd fascination to visit portland, or

64- i write, a lot

65- i'd like to publish a book of random shit of mine

66- i don't like capital letters

67- i don't care about "proper" grammar, as long
as the point has been communicated

68- bacon, ranch, and/or sour cream make almost anything
better

69- if i have a son, i'd like to name him chuck. not
charles or charlie, just chuck.

70- to quote jim morrison, "i am a saggitarius,the most
philisophical of all signs. but i don't believe in it, think it's a bunch of
bullshit myself."

71- i like beer

72- i used to love smoking weed but don't enjoy it much
anymore.

73- i play the mega millions, usually twice a week.

74- i'm a jets and all around football fan.

75- i think talk radio is awesome.

76- i'm 6'6".

77- middle name - Daniel

78- i've lived in south korea
and oklahoma.
(also lived in connecticut and colorado but i was too
young to really remember either)

79- i <3 lily allen and tina fey >

80- breakfast is my favorite meal

81- i might bitch about it, but my current job is not that
bad.

82- i was a cub scout

83- i used to play soccer and phil was on the team too. i
think we sucked but it was good times none the less.

84- i enjoy a good party.

85- i'm moody

86- i'm goofy or clumsy or dorky or whatever you wanna label
it.

87- i hate authority. seriously. i hate being told what to
do and i hate being yelled at.

88- i'm single ladies.

89- i freakin love hoodies!

90- i drink a lot of water.

91- floss glides rule! i actually enjoy flossing and do it
pretty much everyday (unless i'm away from home or i ran out of 'em and i'm
broke).

92- i take vitamin c, d and a centrum multivitamin everyday

93- i like dive bars.

94- the wild rover pub is like my cheers

95- when i first started this, i told myself i was gonna
double check to make sure i didn't input anything twice by mistake. but now i
realize i'm not going to do that.

96- this was more exhausting than i anticipated.

97- i like walking.

98- i will only chew sugarless gum.

99- i'm older than phil.

crisis in kentucky

my homie kevin who lives in mayfield, kentucky just called me up to tell me that there's a power crisis in kentucky. apparently the power's out, and it's gonna be out for a long time. at first i thought, how bad could it be? but he told me of a town where everywhere you turn, you see power lines lying on the ground. dude! i couldn't imagine! he can't go to work. he's gotta worry about food. he's gotta worry about his sanity. he's just sitting around in the dark, no fuckin idea what's going on. he went out and bought a battery powered cell phone charger and then called me and asked me to go online and look into it. me, sitting here in new jersey, was able to give him the most info about the crisis that he's received so far. and it don't look good. there's not a whole lot of specifics, but apparently it's affecting several states. i went to 3 different sites that gave just about the same estimation to when the power would go back on, anywhere from this saturday to MID FUCKING FEBRUARY!! HOLY SHIIIIT!!!

kevin was in good spirits it seemed. he informed me he had some beers and a bottle of Powers, so i knew that would at least get him through the night. we joked about how in Jersey when they would say there's a bad storm coming and to brace ourselves for some ugly shit, we all just shrug it off.... nothing like that could ever happen here. so there he was in kentucky, just thinking everyone else around him was overreacting to the predictions of a power crisis. he told me he'll never underestimate southern paranoia again.

kevin, i hope they get that shit back on soon. i'm suddenly interested in the power situation in mayfield, kentucky and that'll probably be the first thing i google every time i get a chance to be on a computer.

tonight when i hear my noisy furnace, the one that usually annoys me cuz it's sooo damn loud, i'm gonna be a little less annoyed about it. tonight, when i'm warm and chillin in the crib, i'm gonna hope kevin's got enough hoodies, blankets, and whiskey to keep warm.

surveysurveysurvey (a myspace survey post by me)

What do you think about smoking weed?
it's for satan worshippers

Do you believe everything you hear?
of course! why would anyone say it if it weren't true??

What is the next big decision you have to make in your life?
hit or stand

What are you wearing right now?
butter

Where were you at 11:11 AM today?
funland, usa

Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
yo momma

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
haha, i gotta be the most awkward person i know

If you're being extremely quiet what’s it mean?
i've got nothing to say

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries?
sad

Any tattoos?
28 actually

Look outside, how's the weather?
i'm too lazy to go look outside

Who was the last friend you saw?
i don't make a practice out of sawwimg my friends

What's one of your favorite colors?
brown, but only when it can stick around, yellow, but only when it's mellow, and red man, but only to get ahead man.



Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
who?

What's annoying you?
the conundrum that is modern soceity. we're forced to work jobs we don't like to make money to survive. but what's the alternative? to tear down the whole system? then we go back to hunting and gathering and yeah it sounds cool, but it sounds like the work is a lot harder and that there's a lot less time for hygiene and then everyone smells and there's no laws and stuff and people just start brutalizing one another till we realize that maybe we need a soceity that has more control over us and that supplies us with jobs to make money to survive. then we can go back to the comforts of showering regularly and cable tv until we start once again to bitch about our jobs.



Did you date anyone this past winter?
real pimps don't go on dates


What were you doing an hour ago?
being awesome

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
transparent

Do you wish at 11:11?
am i supposed to?

What is your next vacation?
everyday is a vacation

Do you mind explaining things to children?
sometimes i need things explained to me like i'm a child

Can you neatly write with your opposite hand?
and my left foot

Do you prefer chicken, beef, pork, or tofu?
i prefer not to say so as not to hurt anyone's feelings

What are you doing besides this survey?
i'm 100% commited to this survey

Do you have a clock in the room you are sitting in right now?
i'm at work drowning in clocks.


If you were a cow, would you sleep standing up, or lying down?
as a steak

If you could go outta town right now where would you be going?
wherever the wind blows me


What is your favorite video game?
lolo's adventure

When did you cry last?
i'm crying right now


Have you ever played the game MASH?
the only MASH for me is the hit tv show from the 70's "Cuz suicide is painleeeess....."

Youre gonna get a piercing,where is it??
my eyeball

How do you feel about your first true love?
rock n roll is here to stay

When you were little, were you totally into Barney?
rubble from the flinstones... totally underrated supporting character

Do you play games on your cell phone?
i tried to get a game of checkers going on my cell phone, but it's too small, it wouldn't support the board.


Are you an aunt/uncle?
both

What kind of magnets are on your fridge?
the kind that stick

Who was the last person you had a serious talk with?
jesus

When is the last time you did a puzzle?
i punch puzzles in the face

Have you ever played Monopoly, and won?
i am the worst monopoly player in the world. i am the reason no game of monopoly ever ends. i lose friends and allies by plaing monopoly. people hate me cuz of that game.


Have you taken any medicine lately?
your love is like bad medicine, bad medicine is what i need

Hottest thing you see right now?
my reflection

Does everything happen for a reason?
i don't know, i'm torn on this one... either everything does happen for a reason, or everything is just a result of chaos... but if everything's chaotic, wouldn't chaos then be the reason for everything happening???

Favorite TV channel?
BET

Last place you got a hair cut?
my bathroom

Last person you made a bet with?
shaq in my basketball fantasy league for this week... looks like i'm gonna lose $5. but that's ok cuz oneyda owes me $20 since the chargers made it to the playoffs.


What is something you are scared to do?
go to sleep chewing gum

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
mildred at olive garden.
she sounded cute over the phone!

Do you have four generations still living in the family?
no, we don't live that long

Is there anything you always do before you go to bed?
spy on my neighbors

How many lights are on in your house?
none

Wanna get anything off your chest?
my nipples??

Did you like any one last summer?
no, i hated everybody.

thanx for the free paint job but.......

Me and George left work and we decided we would hit the Rover for a few. Probably because we could use a drink to unwind from the workday, and also because Stephanie sent us texts saying she was bored at the Rover. On the way there, I stopped off at home cuz I knew FedEx left a package outside my door. (My new cell phone ya'll, which will consume most of my free time tomorrow, with the activating, the programming, and the entering of phone numbers!) I stopped in, dropped the box on my couch, and sorta sniffed out fresh paint. I thought not much of the new paint smell since my super did just paint my shower walls less than a week ago.

After the Rover, I come home and once again the smell of fresh paint hits me. Then I go to my sink and I see little bits of white paint in the sink. Then I go towards my garbage can and notice a bunch of paint chips in there. I didn't put that there. So I go back to the entrance to my apartment. It's like a 4-by-4 entrance room that leads to my kitchen on one side, and my living room on the other side. I notice that the paint on the walls is fresh. But I didn't paint this.

So apparently my super, who is the only other person who has a key to my place, came into my crib without notifying me, and painted stuff. I don't know whether I should be thankful or if I should feel violated. I think it's a little of both.

The building's been getting inspected lately by the state and the super's been running around like a mad man trying to get everything satisfactory for that. That's why he painted my bathroom and that's also why I finally have a smoke alarm.

But the final inspection, to my knowledge, was Monday. I don't know what would inspire my super to come in here, without my permission, and paint stuff. And further more, I don't think the walls of the entrance way were that bad that it would somehow have a negative influence on an inspection.

So I'm a little weirded out. The good news is there's two locks and a chain lock on my door. When I leave for the day, I only lock the one lock the super has a key for (the reason being is let's say something crazy happens like my toilet starts overflowing, he would be able to get in and stop it... sounds crazy, but it's actually happened to a dude on my floor before). But when I'm home, I use the other lock, which he doesn't have a key for, and the chain lock.

But now I don't know if I should expect other unannounced visits. I'd be a big fan of anyone who surprisingly paints my walls. But at the same time, it's a little messed up to just waltz in without at least letting me, the rent payer, know about it.

Also, I took a bunch of days off and have a 5 and 1/2 day weekend coming up, starting tomorrow at 1pm. I don't wanna be vegging out around the house only to have the super come by unannounced while I'm trying to chill out.

a josh survey from myspace (originally posted Mon. Jan 19th, 2009)

What's your name? Josh the somewhere below midlevel office drone Did you get laid last night? none of your business survey! What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? prep work for myspace surveys What were you doing 30 minutes ago? pretending to work Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? annoying co worker Ever kissed someone who smokes? if someone were smoking, i would first tell them to stop, drop, and roll and i'd help attempt to put the fire out. Are you a jealous person? only when i'm almost certain that someone has it better than me, and usually if they worked hard for it and earned it. Did you have a good birthday last year? only the parts i remember Are you tired right now? no, i'm Josh the somewhere below midlevel office drone What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships? go gay! less competition for me!! Last text says Sent? "How awesome am i?" " Received? "There's no fair system of measurement that justifies your magnitude of awesomeness. " Is your hair curly? no, i believe that was one of the stooges. Last person to be in a car with? can't mention names! all i can say is we were pulled over and i never seen anyone give the cops the business like that. Do you like bananas? except for their shape. Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? the tears of my enemies Are you happy? yes.... it is my ultimate fulfillment in life to fill out pointless myspace surveys to be ignored on bulletin boards by the people i call my friends If you could change one thing about your past, without it changing every other aspect of your life, what would it be ? i did make the change... cuz i had a different answer for this question originally, but then i deleted it and put this answer here instead. Are you happy with where you are in life, at this time? i live to shine under flourescent lights in an office that is totally grey. If you could travel anywhere in the world, without costing an arm and leg it would be? portland, oregon. Are you the type of person who prefers one or two close friends, or lots of acquaintances? i have lots of friends and one or two acquaintances Are you still friends with anyone you went to school with? no, i try to trade my old friends in for new ones every 3-4 years... kinda like a car or a political administration. If you and one friend were asked to be on a reality TV show,​who would you take with you? EAAAASY QUESTION!!! ONEYDA ALL THE WAY!! REALITY TV WOULD FUCKIN LOVE ONEYDA!!! me and oneyda already have an idea for our own awesome reality show. In which order should beer,liquor, and wine be in? alphabetical If you could have a date with any celebrity, who would it be and what would you do? sarah palin. shoot stuff. Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? i can't trust anyone without loving them. Do you believe it is possible to be in love with someone you've never actually spent time with? sure, i also believe in sugar plum fairies, pixie dust, flying pigs, greek mythology, spider-man, honest politicians, and soulmates. Do you believe in soulmates? looks like i took care of this one already. If your partner was unable to have sex due to illness or injury, would you stay with them? if there's a will, there's a way!!! Star Wars or Star Trek? Rocky Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? the only bears for me are the gummy ones. Do you plan on moving in the next year? no, i'm going to attempt to sit still and do nothing all year. Do you like Quiznos? is this survey like some marketing scam for quiznos??? they put all these other bs questions out here but what they really wanna know is, if you like their product. Where did you get your last bruise from? mittens is always scratching me in my sleep damn it!! Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them sleep over ur house?i usually would say my house... BUT for the right type of bed, i might reconsider. Who is in your house right now besides you? i'm not in my house. mittens and gizmo are there holding it down. my super might be in there with the building inspector who's supposed to come by today. hope they don't steal none of my valuables!!! Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah but now that i realize i'm immortal, i'm over it. How do you like your steak? a lot Have your parents seen your MySpace page?i doubt it, but you never know. What are you listening to? one of the two hiphop stations in ny. not sure, madeline's got the radio. Where were you at 2:02 a.m. getting pulled over by cops. Is the sun shining? somewhere If someone looked on your bed, what would they find?​Blankets, pillows, and possibly a cat or two. When was the last time you saw a cop? 2:02am last night Are you waiting for something? change, i hear we're supposed to get a whole bunch of that tomorrow.

Inauguration Day

OK, so Obama stuttered during his oath... i think we should all let him slide. we did just end 8 years with a constantly stuttering president. Bush stuttered in enough instances to fill calenders with quotes. I'm not gonna sweat it unless Obama starts nearing enough quotes to fill a month.

i also blame it on the other dude. he was totally giving Obama the stink eye. not cool during an inauguration, totally not cool.

the speech was awesome! and if you could judge a whole administration on a speech, I'd be tempted to say somewhere around 8.5-9.5. however, we can't judge a whole administration on a speech and we'll just have to wait 4 years to judge it in totality. and I'm sure we'll know the results as soon as election day hits 4 years from now. so be patient and remember, he does have quite the mess to clean up.

so tonight Obama will hit the inaugural ball circuit. I'm sure tonight Obama will have all the balls he can handle. and tomorrow he'll wake up with a hangover none of us could ever imagine. it takes a lot more than 3 Advil liquigels when you wake up for the first time ever to the realization that the hopes and future of an entire nation, and even beyond the nation, lay on your shoulders.

i myself will attempt to stay positive. Obama's getting a lot of love right now and hopefully that will help start this whole thing off right.

however, i do realize that Obama is just another president and the future is uncertain and i haven't put him on a messiah level, which no one should do. remember that there was a time when the U.S. was in love with George W. too. right after 9/11, he was getting unprecedented approval ratings, shit no president's ever seen. for a short time America felt very united and proud as a whole. Even Giuliani was getting love from all over.. imagine that???

so there it is... the fragility of being president. the press and the citizens are always aware, always watching, and always ready to criticize.

but still, i am filled with the audacity of hope. and that's a good feeling, even if it's just till he breaks something.