an emo post: i miss you

i hate being emo. and i really don't wanna write a blog post dripping in emo-ness. but i can't help it. i have some pretty serious feelings i've been dealing with and i just keep repressing them. and i can't hold it back any longer. i have to get it out there. i have to know that i did my part to try and share my emo moment with the internet.... no matter how much i pride myself on not being a very emo kinda guy.

i miss you. i messed up and i realize that now. it took me some time to realize it. i'm not good at admitting i'm the bad guy and that i did the wrong thing. but i've had some time to think about it now... and i realize that i'm totally guilty of doing some things that pushed you away and made it impossible for you to stay with me. i don't know what i was thinking. how could i ever expect you, in your situation, to stay with me after what i did to you?

and i'm tired of listening to all my friends with their fake words of comfort, having to hear phrases like:

"it's not a big deal josh. you'll get over it with enough time."
"it wasn't working for you anyways. you're better off."
"almost every guy did what you did. don't feel so bad."

and thanks friends, that's real nice of you to try and make me feel good in my time of sadness. i do appreciate it. but you don't understand what it's like to be me. i have to wake up everyday and look myself in the mirror and wonder why did i do this? why did i screw this up so bad? it gets to a point where i just want to go back in time and undo this.

i try to remain optimistic. i think maybe with enough time, you'll come back to me. we could be together again. i'll be better this time around. i'll make this shit work. i promise. just please, give me another chance. come back home. i'm lost and incomplete without you. i miss you beard.