so long fireman ed

this is fireman ed. fireman ed is most famous for being a jets fan. he's more famous for being a jets fan than a fireman and he has fireman in his name. he is a super fan of epic proportions... or was. recently, fireman ed decided he wasn't gonna play the role of fireman ed anymore. the announcement came after an embarrassing loss to the new england patriots on thanksgiving evening. he left the game early, took down his twitter account, and hung up his trademark jets fireman hat.

when i first heard about this, i didn't know many specifics. i just thought he was that embarrassed with the team that he was done with it. maybe he'd come back when the jets decided to show a little more effort. but it was more than that. apparently the super fan formerly known as fireman ed has a problem with fan culture, which naturally deteriorates and gets uglier when it's focused on a losing team that the rest of the nfl is laughing at.

fireman ed chose to rock a sanchez jersey this year. he was trying to show his support for the team's starting qb who finds himself in a qb controversy of sorts due to the signing of tim tebow during the offseason. whenever sanchez starts to suck, the fans start to chant, "TEBOW!" this is kinda standard fair for fans of a losing football team. but fans were starting to give fireman ed grief. people would tell him to take the jersey off or accuse him of being paid by the jets to wear a sanchez jersey. fireman ed denies these allegations (and i believe him).

all ed's ever been is a super fan of the team... such a super fan that it got him much attention over the years. he lead the, "J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS" chants at the stadium. they'd focus the camera on him and put him up on the big screen as the thousands of fans would follow along. i've seen this dude do pep rallies in times square when the jets were doing good in the playoffs. he put his all into being a jets fan and in return he became one of the more famous sports fans in america... maybe even in the world (i'm not sure... i'm not all up on my worldly sports).

so for ed to suddenly admit that fan culture sucks kinda sucks for me and everybody else. cuz i've been to jets games and i've seen the fans. and a lot of them seem alright... but a lot of them aren't. i've seen fights and screaming matches... i've even been in a screaming match or two and been a witness to a fight that almost broke out between people i was tailgating with and other tailgaters. and i'm talking about jets fans vs. jets fans. it happens... a lot. and it's sad. i can't imagine how many people make the decision to spend all that money on a ticket (nfl games are expensive, no way around it), look at the ticket and think, "oh, this is gonna be fun!" and then they get there and find themselves surrounded by crappy fans who curse, shout, and threaten each other. i'm not saying it happens all the time... but it happens, and it's a fucking bummer.

and if it does happen, and i've seen it, i gotta imagine fireman ed was on the receiving end of all sorts of rage from angry jets fans. he's wearing the target. and that sucks. but i hope things get better for fireman ed. i hope a lesson is learned here. ed says he'll still go to jets games, but he won't be fireman ed anymore. and i'm alright with that. i find the role of super fan a bit overrated anyways. no one should put their all into rooting for a sports team. that's just not the kinda thing you should hang your hat on at the end of the day. if all your life ever amounts to is that you made it as a fan of a team, there's something sorta sad about that. there's so much more to life than rooting for sports.

and that's the lesson. root for sports. enjoy sports. but ENJOY sports. the moment you find yourself becoming angry, tense, frustrated, sad, depressed or whatever over professional sports is the moment you should step back and reevaluate your thought process. there's no sports team or sports outcome worth beating yourself up over. that's not you on the field. you put no effort in and you receive no reimbursement or acknowledgement for a job well done.

as for all the shitty fans, if you're not gonna have a good time, don't go to the game. you're ruining it for everyone else. your shitty ways retired a well known super fan who hopefully will reinvest some of that effort he put into being a fan into other things that will cultivate more positive results.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, it's only a game. once it's over, move on with YOUR life. and stop letting sports influence you to be a shitty person.

me and 'are you experienced?'

this is for jimi hendrix. this story is more about me but it has something to do with him... sorta. happy 70th.

i was 15. me and some friends met up to hang out. we didn't have much going on... no definite plans. just figured we'd meet up and see what happens. that was sorta what we did when i was 15 years old. our friend auggie shows up and he has a ton of money. where this money came from is a little uncertain and fuzzy, but for a bunch of jobless teenagers, he was loaded.

as we're talking about what to do, auggie mentions how he wants to go to a music store the next town over. at the time, that seemed like an insane distance. none of us drove. we'd have to walk it. there were about five of us there and eventually figuring we had nothing else going on, we unanimously decided to take the walk. it was cool. we bs'd along the way about life and whatever else stupid teenagers talked about in the early 90's.

when we got to the music store (i shit you not, i can't remember the name of the place and i couldn't even tell you where it used to be exactly. i remember the town and a long walk to get there. that's about it) and when we got there we hit it like ravages. this was our toy store. there were cd's and cassettes everywhere... posters on the wall. all this place needed was a bong section and we would have never left. we all spent time browsing through cd's that most of us couldn't afford.

i was in the hendrix section looking at a copy of, 'are you experienced?' auggie comes over to me and says, "do you want that cd?"

i reply, "yea, but i can't afford it."

"don't worry dude. i'll get it for you."

he made my day, week, and probably month (and maybe even more now that i'm rereading what i just wrote). i was 15 and only just beginning to explore the wonders of rock music. i didn't own any hendrix up to this point. all i really knew were the hits and that any respectable cd collection should have a hendrix album among it.

and that was mostly all i remember. i don't know a whole ton of specifics about that day. i do know that when i got home, i listened to, 'are you experienced?' over and over and over and over. i've always had a tendency to buy an album and dig into it by playing it everyday for months on end. to this day i still have a solid 4-5 albums that i'm constantly listening to. every now and then one phases out and a new one takes its place and that's kinda how i've always digested music. and if an album did make my heavy rotation, that was as good a review as i could give it. i have no fancy words to describe great music. all i can tell you is that i played the absolute rock loving fuck out of, 'are you experienced?'

i'll never forget that day, even if some of the specifics seem foggy. that's the day i officially became a true hendrix fan. i eventually would score much more of his music and dig into it all. i was rocking to hendrix through the grunge years. the whole thing seems odd in hindsight. i mean, i was into grunge and what was going on... but i was also on a classic rock kick of sorts. and hendrix was sorta a gateway into all of that... but hendrix is so much more than a gateway. dude was just a creative force not to be fucked with. he was uncompromising. he wasn't cheesy. he was real and out there and all sorts of talented. no matter what level you find yourself on, you can't really say a bad word about jimi hendrix's music. it's got something for everybody.

and it's fun to look back and see what we did for music back then. we were young and bored and had all sorts of free time. we went on adventures to score music an album at a time. being a fan of music took a lot more commitment. don't get me wrong, i enjoy the convenience of modern times when it comes to music... but i'll always remember it took an awesome mini-adventure to grab my first jimi hendrix album.

special thanks goes out to auggie and jimi hendrix. without you, this blog post and the events that happened within would not have been possible.

the q104.3 coutdown and why classic rock fans rule

the local nyc area classic rock station, q104.3, has been doing one of its 'top 1043 songs of all time,' countdown. i have been tuning in and out to it all weekend long. it's pretty cool. i think it's kinda an epic concept to throw the top 1043 songs of all time together. sure, it all probably ends with, 'stairway to heaven,' but i don't think the fun's in finding out which song made #1. the fun's in getting there.

i think it speaks highly of people who tune into a classic rock radio station. q104.3 does this sorta thing year after year and people are obviously tuning in cuz it's still on the air. it still works. it's fun to tune in and catch what you can of it. although it's all "rock music," the mix and mesh of genres and eras is kinda mind blowing. the one guarantee about a list so broad is that you're guaranteed to hear a song you won't like eventually. and yet people aren't tuning out because of it. people who listen to classic rock radio seem to have heart and commitment. 

this is a feat younger rock fans can't handle. (by younger, i'm talking about fans of a pretty broad range of rock music from the 90's - present). we don't wanna sit around and wait for a song we don't like so much to finish. that's enough to tune us out completely. and maybe i don't know what i'm talking about... but i do know this, younger rock fans in the new york city area are not awesome enough fans to support the livelihood of a rock station that caters to newer rock music. it's not like no one's tried. just look at 101.9, a station that was a "newer" rock station two times over and failed both times... just recently turning into wfan, a sports talk radio station. the proof's in the pudding. we have failed as rock fans.

i'm not sure what to blame it on. maybe we could blame it on the ability to steal music or make our own playlists without much effort. maybe our attention spans suck. maybe we think fm radio is a thing of the past and we've come to terms with it. but we've lost something intangible as a result.

right now classic rock fans are geeking out and having a good time. the countdown's just now approaching the top 10 classic rock songs of all time. and i think it's awesome. and something awesome like that can only exist as a result of the awesome fans who tune in to keep it alive. 

hats off to the classic rock fans of the new york city area. you fucking rock.

my anti-turkey thanksgiving blog post

tomorrow is thanksgiving, a day where most of us will sit around and eat a bunch of awesome food. it may just be the greatest meal of the year for many people. of all the thanksgiving food choices, it seems that turkey is the most popular. kids draw turkeys in school. a turkey gets pardoned by the president. some people even refer to thanksgiving as, 'turkey day.' i would like to take this opportunity to come out and say that i think turkey is overrated.

when it comes to eating on thanksgiving, turkey is the last thing on my mind. it's usually the last thing i pile onto my plate. when i do go for the turkey, it's only out of some odd sense of obligation cuz it just seems like the thanksgiving thing to do. but let's face it, thanksgiving dinner is all about the sides. corn, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, biscuits, and on and on and on. and let's not forget about the pies that come after the meal. who can think about turkey at a time like this? it's only useful purpose at this point is being the thing the stuffing gets cooked in. other than that, turkey's just taking up precious space that i should be dedicating to biscuit number two.

i'm sure it's all very historical and that turkey was served at the first thanksgiving or the early ones or whatever. but times have changed. they probably went with turkey as a result of a lack of options. i'm sure if they had the variety of choices back then that we have today, they'd never go with the turkey. it'd be the last thing they'd kill and consume. but those were hungrier times and food was way more scarce. it was eat what you could get and that's it.

i'm pretty sure no one enjoys turkey. if anyone does enjoy turkey, i never hear them talk about it. and i find myself in a ton of food discussions on a daily basis. most people love some type of food and are willing to talk about their favorite food without any arm twisting whatsoever.and i NEVER hear anyone mention turkey. EVER. the only gossip i ever do hear about turkey is how long it takes to prepare and how eating it makes you sleepy. what's lamer than that combo?

anyways, a happy thanksgiving to you, the people who read my blog. whether you enjoy turkey or don't, you are the greatest of all human beings in existence and on this day of thanks, i am ever so grateful for all three of you.

twinkie outrage

i've recently seen and heard a lot of outrage directed towards hostess announcing that they were closing up shop and going out of business. suddenly, everywhere i turned, whether it was on tv, the internet, or in good ol' real life, people were surprised, angered, or saddened by this news. people were gonna miss their favorite snack cake and it wasn't fair damn it. what kind of a cruel world do we live in that doesn't ensure that tomorrow comes with a guarantee of more twinkies?

all the hoopla and noise is such a waste. there's so much more fucked up shit going on in the world. there's real issues to get angry about. i don't wanna see cupcakes taking up precious media time when there's wars, poverty, and all sorts of messed up shit going down around us. 

if you're gonna be outraged towards hostess, you're not even outraged for the right reasons. you should be outraged that as a company, hostess couldn't get their shit together and resolve their issues with their workers to make things come together. you should be outraged that thousands of people will be out of work as a result.

so while some people will be busy lamenting over the death of snoballs, thousands of hard working people will be lamenting over their bills and trying to find employment at a time when finding employment doesn't come easy. boo-fucking-hoo that some people might not be able to consume their beloved ho ho's for the rest of their days. that's not a real problem unless you're a total brat (in which case the real problem is you being a total brat. stop that).

if i take any solace at all from any of this madness, it's that a group of workers proved that when you stand united, you can fuck shit up. it sucks that thousands of people will be out of work but they stood together in solidarity for what they believed in and a company collapsed because of it. 

my well slept lifestyle

i just woke up from a nap. it's friday, 9:19pm. i got in from work at about 7pm and wasn't sure what to do with my night or how to begin my weekend. as a dude with no plans, i took a minute to ponder things while laying down on my bed. next thing i knew, i knocked out and now here i am typing this up.

i don't know how people who are sleep deprived do it. it seems to be a popular thing though. i hear a lot of people talk about not sleeping well or never getting a full night's sleep and i can't imagine living life like that. sure, i have my sleep deprived night here or there, but sooner or later i have to play a game of catch up which usually turns into a sleep marathon somewhere within the next three days of my life.

and i don't understand how people suffer from insomnia. i know that they do and that sucks and if i could, i'd type up a magic spell to make it go away. i can't imagine what it's like to put my head to pillow and not fall asleep sometime soon. when i'm tired, my body and my mind never fail me. they always do the right thing and shut this whole process down. sometimes i find myself able to go to sleep even if i'm not tired but it just seems like the logical thing to do.

and the odd thing is, i'm not an overly tired person. it's not as if the clock hits a certain time and suddenly my body goes into shutdown mode. i like being up late. i like being out and about at night. i like catching last call at bars and hitting a diner after. i enjoy staying up late and catching up with tv, movies, reading, the internet, and so on. most days, i'd assess myself as a pretty energetic person. maybe it's cuz i sleep so well.

i guess the trade off for my well slept life is that i'm not a morning person. but who is? i think people who actually like the mornings might be more the exception than the rule. or maybe i'm just crazy. maybe i should be sacrificing some of this daily dose of good night's sleep to wake up and smell the early morning roses. but i won't. early morning might as well be 12 noon to me. all hours before that seem like part of the warm up for a day that hasn't really begun yet.

parents vs. non-parents

parenting's not for everyone. some people aren't fit to be parents. some people just don't wanna be parents. but then there's other people that are parents, some of them great, some of them average, others doing a down right awful job of it. to each their own i say. i'm not here to declare which lifestyle is better. you wanna be a parent? you like parenting? awesome! children scare you and you don't want anything to do with them? equally awesome!

but the one thing i find hard to deny is which side is more jealous of the other. for the most part, people who aren't parents are that way by choice (MOST part... i understand there are unfortunate exceptions that prohibit some willing parental hopefuls from participating in the great act of procreation). whether you think you might suck at it, whether you hate children, or maybe you love the fuck out of your freedom... whatever it may be, there's a reason, and in the mind of a non-parent a damn good one, for not procreating.

and when the non-parent types see the parent types out and about with their children or posting pics on facebook or making youtube videos of benchmarks in their children's life... i don't think there's much jealousy. sure, maybe they kick around the idea of, "i'd like to be around for a child's first steps or high school graduation." but then the non-parent usually thinks about the other bunch of years that surround those special moments and figures something like, "eh, not worth it."

and i know what some or most parents are thinking at this point. the non-parents don't know what they're missing. they don't know how special and nice and precious and fulfilling the whole raising children experience can be. and you're right, i suppose. i wouldn't know for sure cuz i'm not a parent so i'll just have to take your word for it. non-parents have no idea how awesome or special or delightful having children could be. it's just one of those things that makes this comparison unfair.

parents know all about being a non-parent. they've been there. they've tasted it. they know what's good and bad about it. they know how their life has become better and at the same time become worse. sure, it's fulfilling. but doesn't it bother you just a little to know there's people your age who have no children so they just do what they want, when they want? if they want to sleep for ten hours, they do it. if they want to drink, dance, riot, or hole themselves up in their living room and watch copious amounts of whatever you're favorite tv show may be, they can do it without it affecting anybody but them.

it all comes down to what you live your life for. once you go parent, you can never go back. you will forever be responsible for someone else's life. and that's serious. a non-parent can say, "fuck it all," and decide to never live or breathe a serious moment again. it may not be a great way to live, but that's a freedom parents don't have.

parents should be proud though. i'm not trying to shit on you. what you do is honorable. you're the reason for life. my mom's a parent and she rules. so trust me, i dig parents. there's a lot of sacrifice but with sacrifice comes honor. the thing about non-parenting is that it's the easy way out. anyone can do it. and in many cases,  we're probably better off cuz some people choose not to have children. raising the future isn't for everyone. some people are gonna fuck that up. some people already are. there's some parents who probably shouldn't  be parents in the first place.

but if you're a parent and you read my blog, i'm certain you're one of the good ones. so keep it up! i hope the best for you and your little one(s). and to all you non-parents out there, anyone up for a party on a weeknight???

no utopia

there is no utopia. there'll never be a perfect civilization. there's no point where human beings will evolve and finally all will be well all the time. shit just don't work like that. no matter how far we go, there will always be mishaps and misunderstandings. there will always be emotions that we can't control that will drive us to do things that will put a wedge into society... no matter how little or how large that action may be... everything has some sort of ripple effect.

this doesn't mean we shouldn't aspire to be better people. i think we should all do the best we can. but no matter how much we tell ourselves we're gonna do that, we'll never meet the expectations of someone else somewhere who'll say we're not doing good enough. we're all disappointing somebody and someone is always disappointing us.

all we can do is keep putting one foot forward in front of the other. keep walking. never quitting. keep trying to make this next step count for something. if this step can count for something, then maybe the step after that can count for something even better and more important. this is it. this is all we can do. take that next step. if you fucked up somewhere along the line in the past (spoiler alert: you did), you gotta leave that shit there. even if it fucked up a whole lot of stuff and a ton of people are gonna hate your guts forever. i'm not justifying actions that have negative consequences. it sucks. but it happens. it'll always happen. it'll just keep on happening.

everyone needs to concentrate on their own path. do the best they can. make no excuses for our fuck ups. leave them in the past but learn the lesson and move forward. that's all we can ever do. carry the scars and the abuse (there will be scars and abuse but you already knew that) and carry it with you for fuel. take every fucked up thing this world throws your way and devour it. fuck you world. not today. i'm taking this next step and it's gonna mean something.

josh and the fat man

it was sunday evening. me and andrew were waiting for our flight out to portland, oregon. i had heard all day about the upcoming hurricane. how sandy was gonna have her way with the area. two of our other friends already flew out to portland earlier in the day. all day, i couldn't stop myself from thinking, "shit's gonna get fucked up. weather's gonna get bad. they're gonna cancel our flight. we're not going to portland."

that didn't happen. we found ourselves at an airport bar. the people flying out of new york city inside of kennedy airport seemed to be the only group of people in the area that didn't worry much about hurricane sandy. we were all escaping. the skies were clear. the planes were lifting off. shit was running flawlessly. as me and andrew chowed down on overpriced airport pizza and drank fancy airport beer, i realized, holy shit, we're getting out of here. we're going to portland.

when our plane was boarding, i noticed an obese couple in the same waiting area. i jokingly said to andrew, "hope i don't end up sitting next to one of them." andrew chuckled and nothing more was thought about it. all i wanted to do was get on that plane and be 30,000 miles high. then, and only then, would i be fully sure that we were gonna make it to portland and i can stop worrying.

me and andrew weren't sitting next to each other on this flight. we were two of the last passengers to get tickets for it so we got split up. not too far, he was directly behind me. but as we were walking to our row, andrew turns to me and says, "dude, i think you're sitting next to that dude." he didn't need to point. i knew exactly who he was talking about. they had split the obese couple up and there he was, sitting on the aisle seat of my row. i counted the rows i had left to get there... counting them over and over and over hoping that math, numbers, and logic would change between now and the time i get to my row... that this wasn't true.

it was true. this guy was huge. his wide bottom took up one and a half seats. that half a seat was also half my seat. tremors of panic rushed through my body. what was i gonna do? i couldn't sit next to him for 6 hours. this wasn't gonna work. there just wasn't enough room for both of us. as i approached i said, "hey sorry man, umm, i'm sitting there." i pointed to the seat next to his that was half filled with the side of his body. he got up, i took my seat, and then he sat again. there i was, shoved into half a seat. there was an empty seat next to me but we were told that the flight was fully sold. i was certain that seat belonged to someone and i would not be fortunate enough to have two empty seats to myself for this flight (i was correct. she showed up about 3 minutes later).

after he sat down he turns to me and says, "i'm sorry. i tried to buy two seats. but they wouldn't let me. they said there weren't enough available, that i could only have one. maybe they can move you elsewhere."

i knew they couldn't. i knew the flight was fully sold. i politely said, "umm, it's okay man. whatever. we'll deal with this somehow."

for the record, i still have no idea how to deal with this situation. i was angry, angry cuz i already hate flying, cuz planes are already too small for my tall frame, that i'm never comfortable on planes as is... and now, now i'm shoved into half a seat cuz the dude next to me had to get on this flight. but i can't complain. how rude is that? what would i say? and what if they did nothing? what if the only fix was for me to get off and catch another flight? and if that was the case, i knew there'd be no other flight. i knew a hurricane was showing up tomorrow and would ruin any chance i had of going to portland. if i really wanted to end up in portland, oregon, like i had been planning for months to be, then i was gonna have to grin and bear the fuck out of this situation.

while i'm stewing, he asks if i'm a stand up comedian, to which i say, "oddly enough, i am."

then he says, "well this will be good material."

ugh. this guy is being so conversational, self deprecating, courteous, and friendly that it's making me angrier. but i'm not gonna do anything about it. i'm gonna swallow my anger. i'm gonna do my best to get through this.

as the plane starts to move, the captain makes an announcement. he tells us we're backed up and won't be taking off for an hour. that's one more hour of me next to this dude, me crammed into half an airplane seat. as we're waiting, he makes small talk. and i try to oblige the best i can. we hit the basics. what do you do for work? what are you going to portland for? what are your dietary habits and where do you see them getting you in five years? (okay, that last one didn't actually happen).

we eventually take off. flight staff wouldn't even make eye contact with me. it was like a game to me. i'd purposely stare them down as hard as possible every time they passed. they wouldn't even glance. they could barely make eye contact when they took our beverage order. and i ordered a beer and it was a great damn beer cuz i was in pain. i was dying inside. i wanted to cry. but i didn't. i sucked it up. i drank my beer. i watched tv (jetblue has complimentary tv). i did my best to focus on tv, beer, turbulence, whatever. anything to make the time go faster.

at one point, i needed to move my seat back. i hate moving my seat back on an airplane mostly cuz i hate when other people do it in front of me. but it was too much. i go to do it but the button i have to push is on the arm of the chair that i can't reach because it's still in its upright position because the dude's too big for it to be lowered. in a move of desperation, i turn to andrew who's right behind me and say, "dude, can you press that button so i can move back. i need to move my chair." i didn't wanna say it out loud but i had to. i mean fuck it, maximum awkwardness was reached before this plane even took off.

that's when my new fat buddy turns to me and says, "oh, my name's andrew too."

i move my seat back, "oh. hey, i'm josh." we shake hands.

i go back to the tv. and i watch and watch and try to ignore any indication of time, thinking it might go faster if i don't pay attention. about two hours into the flight i turn to andrew (the big one taking up half my seat who i will now warmly refer to as big andrew) and say, "hey, i need to use the bathroom."

big andrew says, "if i get up, i'm gonna knock this woman in front of me into next tuesday."

"dude, i have to pee. there's nothing i can do about it. it's gotta happen."

"okay." he gets up and doesn't knock the woman in front of him into next tuesday, although if he did have that ability i'd be the first in line cuz it sounds like a more comfortable form of transportation to portland at this point.

i get in the bathroom and i pee. and then i chill. i just take a minute to relax and enjoy the space. i try and hug the walls. i wash my hands thoroughly. i think about how nice it would be to finish the next four hours of this flight right here in the bathroom. and then i snap back into reality. as i leave the bathroom, i grab a flight attendant and say, "hey, can i get another beer?" she tells me she'll bring it to my seat in a couple minutes.

i go back to my chair and i'm feeling good. i'm thinking i can do this. i'm not gonna snap. i'm gonna be alright. attendant comes by and she hands me my beer. i enjoy it but try not to drink it too fast. this is the only comfort i have. i need to make it last.

and then not much else happens. i uncomfortably channel surf for four hours. big andrew adjusts his position every now and then reminding me of the predicament i was trying to forget i was in. i try to think about landing. i try to think about portland. i try to think about tomorrow and how i'll wake up in a bed in a hotel with enough space to stretch and be comfortable, how no matter how bad right now is, no one can take that moment away from me. i'll be okay.

before we landed, the attendant came around and told me the beers were on the house. $6 each. she didn't say why they were comped. but i knew why, the attendant knew why, and i'm pretty damn certain that big andrew knew why. i awkwardly thanked her and thought to myself how i should've drank more beer.

and then we landed. it was the most miserable flight of my life. and i'm almost positive it's the most physically uncomfortable i've ever been. but i did it. and the odd and sorta sad part is that big andrew was a nice dude. we'd banter back and forth every now and again during the flight. he's pretty much the nicest stranger i ever met on an airplane. we even had a few kind words when we got off the plane. "be good buddy." "you too."

but as nice as he was, i'm partially traumatized. on the day of the flight back to jersey, i couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of it happening again. seems almost impossible but yet entirely possible. for as long as i live, i hope i never have to share half my seat with half of another man again. and that's it. that's my tale. i'm not gonna wax poetic about how i could've handled it differently or ways to make sure this doesn't happen again. it happened. it's written. it's done.

rush limbaugh syndrome

rush limbaugh's reaction to president obama being reelected, to paraphrase, was him coming to the realization that he's outnumbered.

this isn't a pro-obama rant and it's definitely not an anti-obama rant. this is what's wrong with us as people. and i don't know if we should blame it on the system or on ourselves. i can't explain the cause but i see the problem.

guys like rush limbaugh surround themselves in an existence that is in total agreement with him. what he says is law. he's a king maker for a political party in america. he has enough support and enough people telling him how great he is to fully convince him that he can say, think, and do no wrong. and anyone who disagrees is disagreeing with him, his audience, his staff, his yes men, and his entire following that swoon on his every word. when everyone around you tells you you're right all the time, aren't you bound to start believing it yourself?

limbaugh's not alone in this. he's not the only person who suffers from this form of delusion. many personalities on both sides, whether it be tv, radio, blogs, books, whatever medium it may be, find themselves constantly being agreed with and told how right they are and how great it is that they're out there speaking the truth. how can one not help but become drunk with power?

people like rush tell you they're right. they suck you into their existence. soon you're also surrounded by people telling you how right rush limbaugh is. it's a cult of personality. some people are lost and just looking to be right about something. through rush they are vindicated. and anyone who would stand against their own personal vindication must be a fool.

we've allowed ourselves to become too divided. we've become too easily defined. this isn't a multiple choice exam... and if it was, we should be given more than two choices. we're either republican or democrat, liberal or conservative... all the way, one way or the other. and whoever's all the way the other way is all the way wrong.

rush limbaugh thinks he's outnumbered because he is. most people don't wanna be defined by something as simple and inflexible as a party line. most people are ready to admit when they're wrong about something. most people are willing to cooperate and play nice with others if the result is the greater good. there's always gonna be those certain polarizing topics that divide us down the line, but we don't need to be told that every single issue is a do or die sorta thing. we can compromise. we can all fight for the greater good by being willing to deal with each other on a more rational level.

election day fever

i get so bummed out on election day. it seems that suddenly people are filled with all sorts of political furor and it's suddenly socially acceptable to be passionate about politics... even to the point where people are saying, suggesting, telling, and sometimes yelling at others to, "GO FUCKING VOTE!" and it's not all of this which bums me out... it's that it seems like it's only cool to be like this on election day. most other days you get something along the lines of, "don't talk politics or religion... ever."

and i'm bummed about our system. we're in a two party gridlock. this is the best we got. and i assume we have one of the more top notch political systems of the world (i could be wrong... i don't really know the in's and out's of other political systems like i know ours). if we're not the best, we're supposed to be some sorta standard bearer for democracy in the world. and the best we can do is vote for people who let big money and special interests influence their behavior.

i get that, for the most part, there are no saints. everyone's guilty of fucking up somewhere along the line and the one thing you can be sure of is that everyone is due at least one more good fuck up sometime soon. so no matter what happens ever in all of history, we'll never elect the perfect candidate. but if we had more of a selection... i just think several options would help keep people more honest. if you look at third party options in america today, for the most part, they're considered a joke. if you bring it up, you're often told your vote is being wasted.

our own unwillingness to be involved has ruined politics. all those other options that aren't republican or democrat running for political offices are hard to hear through the million dollar commercials. and we're a lazy country for the most part. no one wants to learn all that much about politics. i wish i could say something like, "i don't think most people vote based on commercials,"  but that has to be the case. why else would there be so many damn commercials if it didn't work? and to me it seems like the most absurd, obscene, and idiotic way to choose a leader... but that's how shit gets done around here.

so everyone go vote. do what's right in your conscience in that booth. but when you wake up tomorrow, try to keep a little bit of that, "giving a fuck," that got you off the couch or out of your daily routine and pushed you into that voting booth. this is an all day, everyday sorta thing. the two major parties of this country are counting on you to not pay attention again till it's commercial time four years from now. they're counting on you to mock the third party options. they're counting on and even preying on your ignorance. and if that's not enough to at least push you to learn and do more during the offseason, then maybe voting's not for you after all.

watching sandy from 3000 miles away

i just got back from a week long trip to portland, oregon today. it was a trip i planned months ago and had been looking forward to all year. me and a few friends, we try and get away to a different city every halloween. the timing couldn't have been more odd this year. i remember leaving sunday night, the night before hurricane sandy hit the new jersey area. my last thoughts regarding the storm before taking off was me hoping that it wouldn't delay or cancel my flight (we had originally planned to fly out monday night but decided to try and move it up a day as the news about sandy got more severe).

to be honest, i didn't think it'd be much and i thought maybe the hype was blown out of proportion... or maybe i just hoped that. but when i first realized just how bad sandy was, it was just a fucking shocker. we had been out and about in portland and we hit the hotel room for a quick break in between things. we turned on the news only to see pictures and videos of our home area getting fucked up by a hurricane. one second i'm feeling a nice head buzz courtesy of portland... the next i'm looking at the area i call home getting kicked in the teeth.

i felt helpless and odd and worried. i wanted to get away and have a good time. but now i'm 3000 miles away from everything i know getting fucked up. while i'm fortunate to have been out of town during a hurricane, there's a part of me that wanted to be there. that's my home. if it's under siege, i want to see it first hand. we weren't cowards. we didn't run from this storm. but i felt just a little shitty every time a portland native said something to us once they found out we were from jersey, "oh, running from the storm?" or, "wow, you're lucky." i didn't feel lucky at all... not when anyone i give a shit about is currently fighting the storm.

i know jersey's tough and i don't wanna be too over dramatic about it. things eased up for me once i knew my friends and family were doing okay. a good time was had in portland. it's a great city and it does rain all the time but we were in no position to complain about rain. i'm back now and it all seems so odd.... people went back to work today. schools opened up. it's like things took a giant step back to somewhere closer to normal and i guess i'll never know what it was like when shit got real around here. but you were in my heart and on my mind jersey. no matter how far i get, this is home.