that guy

everything's always going smooth until that guy makes his presence known. you know who that guy is, right? the one who can't be content with the smooth flow of things. he's gotta disrupt that shit cuz everyone can't just have a good time with no worries. that guy calls bullshit on that idea. he will not have it and he will let you know. 

that guy may come in the form of some hapless asshole who's possibly craved for attention. or maybe he's hammered and he doesn't know how to control the things that bother him deep down inside so he's decided to take it out on everyone around him. that guy. he's constantly fucking up the party. but if you ask him about it the next day, he'll probably tell you that everyone else is an asshole and he's the victim cuz that's what that guy does.

that guy hates when you stare at him. sure, you didn't think you were staring, but when you took a quick glance around the room, your eyes quickly moved past that guy and you fucked up. you should've known better. you have a problem and you're about to be invited outside to take care of said problem. 

maybe you said something and that guy misunderstood but that guy misunderstands nothing. you fucked up in your presentation which means you meant for that guy to take offense. and that guy, he's gonna let you know. he doesn't care if it's at a wedding, a graduation, or a funeral. there is no inappropriate place for that guy to stand his ground. all other things take a backseat to that guy and his problems. 

that guy's not just fucking up your life, your party, or your immediate environment. that guy is a busy motherfucker. he's out there in the world putting nations on notice. he's dissecting the human population one group at a time and letting everyone know that we cannot all get along, we can not get past our differences, we cannot let bygones be bygones, and we sure as hell can't live and let live. that guy's not a fucking hippie. he's a man with a code and he will manipulate anyone he can to see things his way. that guy's version of right and wrong is the only version of right and wrong. there's no grey area when it comes to that guy. if you're wrong, that guy will promptly punish you in that guy fashion. that guy won't talk it out. that guy won't try to see things your way. and that's what you deserve because you haphazardly crossed paths with that guy.

that guy is everywhere and he's quick to fuck up your day. some believe that guy secretly knows what a dick he is, but that guy will never show it. that guy's got an image to uphold and he can't waste any of his time or reputation on considering that he might just be an asshole. just when you think you might reach a breakthrough with that guy, he'll meet another guy who agrees with him and he'll be rejuvenated and ready once more to attack the world with his totally justified onslaught of, 'his way or the highway.' you probably know that guy. you probably hate that guy. you might even be that guy.

ladies, feel free to replace the word 'guy,' with, 'gal.' cuz that gal is just as much of an asshole.