i'm glad i'm 33

33's not some magical number. i haven't been waiting all this time to get here. there's no finish line to cross once you reach year 33. but i look back at my life and i'm kinda glad i'm at where i'm at right now. i've been reminiscing about my 20's and even some of the years before that. and i don't have many regrets, but i did do a lot of stupid shit. i had a lot of fun but i made a lot of mistakes and fuck ups and i probably hurt a lot of other people along the way.

i mean, that's life, right? i'm not trying to justify being a dick in the past, and i'm certainly not saying that i'll never be a dick again. but 33 feels like a good peak to look over my past and see how i've grown as a person. and that's what i'm the most happy about.

plus, if i wanna stay in, that's not lame anymore. it's cool to stay in. it's cool to rest up. it's cool to exercise. it's cool to say no to fast food. and if i wanna go out and play the role of drunken fool, hey, i'm only 33, i still got it in me. it's like i'm not too old and i'm not too young. i can make almost any play in life right now and it makes sense. i can still be a fool, and trust me i am still a fool and will probably die a fool, but i'm a fool who has his bills paid on time. i'm a fool that got it together and is about to be out of debt for the first time since i was 17.

i've noticed that lately there's certain things in life that i've built solid guidelines for. the older i get, the less flexible i am about some stuff... for instance, cocaine. hell of a drug as the kids say. at age 33, i'm just like, fuck that noise. seriously. cocaine is pure garbage to me at this point and i pretty much regret any time i've ever done it (if you're reading this, hi mom!).

i'll probably never do psychedelics again. i don't smoke weed. i'm not anti-pot. if you like to smoke, go ahead. it's not garbage like cocaine. buuuuut, it just doesn't do it for me anymore. i don't enjoy being high so i don't do it. plus, i like breathing and exercising and pot fucks it up for me on both fronts.

exercise. i fucking exercise... regularly. 26 year old josh used to think exercise was for suckers. "who cares, we're all gonna die anyways." 26 year old josh was dumb like that.

i don't like one night stands. WHAT?!?!?! that's right. i don't. i catch feelings too easily. i'm emo like that. it is what it is and if you want me to turn in my man card cuz i lost the urge to treat women purely as objects and nothing more, then you can have it.

but i'm man enough to admit that i don't wanna clown around with women anymore. i crave more substance in my life. and i can't just interact with women at this point and see them for sexual purposes only. i'm not saying i don't think about sex... hell yea i do. but i got too much respect for women and i find myself always wanting to get to know them better. i'm a hopeless romantic. and if a woman does somehow sucker me into a one night stand, i'll probably write her silly text messages for days till she has no choice but to crush my heart.

i pollute less. i used to throw shit on the ground and not care cuz the earth was fucked anways. but now i figure i should at least do my part and carry my weight by carrying my empty coffee cup with me till i walk past a garbage can. i don't even like when people throw their cigarettes on the ground. i think it's a shitty move. i think they should carry an empty pack around with them and hold on to their dead cigs till they reach a garbage can.

as i type that, i can hear the closing of browsers from the smoking section. but it don't just stop there. i don't like second hand smoke anymore either. and i'm glad that you can't smoke in bars in my area. cuz i remember when you could. and when i think back about how i used to hang out in bars in a smoke cloud, it grosses me out. smoking's disgusting. keep that shit to yourself. and don't give me that, "no studies show that second hand smoke causes harm..." that excuse hasn't been valid since the 80's.

i have less patience for people with heartache. i don't think i'm insensitive. but i've been through it. i know you come out alright on the other end, it just takes time. if posting about it on your facebook page helps you cope, by all means, do that shit. better than cocaine i suppose. but don't expect me to like or comment. i'll give you a hug if you want. but i'm not gonna promote a culture of complaint. you kinda just gotta man up (or woman up) and dust your shoulders off. tough lesson, and i don't even know if i've fully learned it... but i know that's how you deal with that shit.

i've come to realize that complaining in general is pretty much a waste of time. sure, it serves its purpose for bigger issues... political, global type stuff. but when people bitch about the rain or waking up early or what some jerk said about them behind their back... it all seems nonsensical. just deal with whatever the issue is. complaining is not a solution. look for solutions. instead of a culture of complaint, we should strive for a culture of solutions. "strive" is the key word here. i realize complaining is where it's at. we all do it. i'm no saint in this department. i'm just a dude who wants to complain less today than i did yesterday.

i think people should be better to one another. at 33, i try to be less of a preacher about this and more of a doer. sometimes i fail miserably. but some days end in success and i'll feel really good about those days. and i know the only way people will ever start treating each other better is if they just start doing it. and hopefully as more people do it, it becomes infectious. basically, being good to one another has to go viral. there's no other way.  so i'm just gonna do my part. i can preach the golden rule till i'm blue in the face, but i'm sure someone else already is. i'll try and walk the walk.

i know i'm not perfect. i know i still got a whole lot of fucking up to do in my life. it probably never ends till it ends. i'm sure that's a trajectory that everyone's gotta deal with. but it's cool to look back and see definite signs of improvement when it comes to being a decent human being. i got no issues with getting older. i'm not in a rush either... but getting older is a trip.