watching sandy from 3000 miles away

i just got back from a week long trip to portland, oregon today. it was a trip i planned months ago and had been looking forward to all year. me and a few friends, we try and get away to a different city every halloween. the timing couldn't have been more odd this year. i remember leaving sunday night, the night before hurricane sandy hit the new jersey area. my last thoughts regarding the storm before taking off was me hoping that it wouldn't delay or cancel my flight (we had originally planned to fly out monday night but decided to try and move it up a day as the news about sandy got more severe).

to be honest, i didn't think it'd be much and i thought maybe the hype was blown out of proportion... or maybe i just hoped that. but when i first realized just how bad sandy was, it was just a fucking shocker. we had been out and about in portland and we hit the hotel room for a quick break in between things. we turned on the news only to see pictures and videos of our home area getting fucked up by a hurricane. one second i'm feeling a nice head buzz courtesy of portland... the next i'm looking at the area i call home getting kicked in the teeth.

i felt helpless and odd and worried. i wanted to get away and have a good time. but now i'm 3000 miles away from everything i know getting fucked up. while i'm fortunate to have been out of town during a hurricane, there's a part of me that wanted to be there. that's my home. if it's under siege, i want to see it first hand. we weren't cowards. we didn't run from this storm. but i felt just a little shitty every time a portland native said something to us once they found out we were from jersey, "oh, running from the storm?" or, "wow, you're lucky." i didn't feel lucky at all... not when anyone i give a shit about is currently fighting the storm.

i know jersey's tough and i don't wanna be too over dramatic about it. things eased up for me once i knew my friends and family were doing okay. a good time was had in portland. it's a great city and it does rain all the time but we were in no position to complain about rain. i'm back now and it all seems so odd.... people went back to work today. schools opened up. it's like things took a giant step back to somewhere closer to normal and i guess i'll never know what it was like when shit got real around here. but you were in my heart and on my mind jersey. no matter how far i get, this is home.