my mitt romney endorsement

this is it... my pre-election endorsement blog. and i endorse...... mitt romney!

why would i, a, 'leans so far to the left it sometimes looks like socialism,' kinda guy endorse a candidate like mitt romney? cuz america probably deserves mitt romney. apparently a large portion of the country doesn't remember the eight year donkey punching delivered to us by the george w. bush administration. him and his cronies fucked us senseless, threw us in a ditch, and ran away laughing. we probably deserve another go around just to refresh our memories.

when i see mitt romney, i see another george w. bush. scratch that, i see someone a lot worse than george w. bush. bush at least seems like the kinda dude that could sit down in a texas bar and talk some football over a coors light draft. mitt romney is a class a douchebag. if the election were a douchebag contest, this whole thing would've been wrapped up a long time ago. when it comes to douchebaggery, romney might be the undisputed champion of the world... and i like champions.

he hates women and doesn't want them to have any options when it comes to pregnancy. he's pro life and thinks everyone else should be too. cuz that's what freedom's all about... forcing your views on important matters down america's throat.

he thinks corporations are people which is great cuz corporate money is probably behind everything that is bad and wrong in this country. it's hard enough keeping the corporations out of politics (we're failing miserably at it) and keeping america from falling into a state of complete oligarchy.... mitt romney would come in on day one and offer an open door policy. bribes no longer needed to be slid under the table, in mitt's america, that's just the free market doing its thing. USA! USA! USA!

he probably thinks corporations are more human than gay people. i'd imagine him supporting a law allowing corporations to get married way before he ever supports gay marriage. who knows? maybe with a little luck he can bring us back to the days of 'don't ask, don't tell.' remember when homophobia was cool? mitt romney's bringing it back cuz he's old school like that.

he won't increase taxes on the rich cuz he's gotta watch out for his own kind and the people who pad his pockets. it's not people like me who show up at his $50,000 a plate, 47% of america bashing dinners. someone's gotta pay the piper. but hey, that's alright middle class americans. this is a sacrifice you should be willing to make. it'll pay off. trickle down economics always has, right?? (i wonder how 'joe the plumber' feels about all this).

president obama promised us hope and change. and then he found himself in the biggest recession since the great depression. and although he did things to make sure it didn't get worse, he didn't fix everything. you had four years? why isn't everything pristine and perfect? how much longer can we wait? we've been trying so hard not to pollute and go green.... but if it isn't gonna fix everything in four years, why should we continue doing this? obviously we're better off polluting the skies and destroying our resources. god's got our back anyways. it's all gonna be alright as long as we don't let the gays get married... we all know how much that angers the man upstairs.

so on election day, do the right thing. vote romney/ryan (don't forget paul ryan! he runs marathons which makes him way more qualified than sarah palin cuz he at least knows how to finish what he started).