the selfishness of blogging

one of the many reasons i enjoy blogging is for the pure selfishness of it. i can write about anything i want, totally uninterrupted. i'm given no rules to follow. if my grammar's bad or a sentence runs on too long, i don't really care cuz the final product is good enough for me. i don't really worry about what other people think when they read it... it's nice to know other people read it and hopefully enjoy it... but if they don't, hey, fuck 'em. seriously. this isn't a paid gig. this is for pure enjoyment... my enjoyment. selfishness.

it's a getaway really. i have to share the rest of existence outside of this blog with everybody else in the world. any exchanging of ideas outside of here is exactly that, an exchange. i can never just unload what i think onto someone else without having to hear what they have to say. it's only fair. i'm not complaining. in fact, i think i'm good at it. i think it's a strength of mine. i find myself to be a great conversationalist. i'm open to hear what others have to say. i'm not quick to judge. i'm a great listener. seriously. i have a fucked memory so don't quiz me on a convo we had a month from now... but in the moment, i fucking listen. and i know a lot of people, too many people, who don't. most people are selfish. most people are just waiting for their turn to talk or write or shout or whatever.

and authoring a blog is different from writing a book or speaking in public or making a movie or etc etc etc. stuff like that costs money. with money comes expectations. there's a certain responsibility on an artist's behalf to try and please a crowd. i'd suck at that if i ever charged for anything i did artistically... but if it's a crowd and money you're looking for, i suppose a little compromise is in order. that sounds like it sucks. i'm glad this is free. i can't imagine what asinine things people would say if they actually paid to read it.

more times than not, my approach to this blog is simple. it's really, really selfish. it's to unload whatever it is in my brain at the moment, unburden myself, lighten my load and then feel better. i usually feel some sense of relief once a blog is finished and i can walk away. i feel like i really did something. i accomplished a task, even if it's a very minor one, and i helped bring peace to my brain... a place that can get pretty hectic if i let it go for too long.

if someone enjoys reading this blog, that's just a bonus... a  pretty awesome bonus, a bonus i enjoy very much... but even then, the idea of me enjoying the idea of others enjoying my blog is pretty selfish as well. it soothes my ego. looks like no matter how you slice it, i'm in this for me.

but thanks for reading anyways. you are swell and will have a space in my doomsday bunker.