it's not that i give a fuck....

i sorta don't. mostly don't.

it may seem like i give a fuck what other people think or say about me. and i'm sure it seems like i hate to disagree with other people so i'm willing to hold on to my own opinions and not share them out loud. and this probably looks like someone who's listening and considering the other side of the discussion. but most likely, i'm not.

i just don't like confrontation. i avoid confrontations at almost all costs. i've never really been in a fight in my life. i hate to argue. i think i suck at it which is a really awful thing to think cuz i've been in arguments where i know for damn sure that i'm right and they're wrong and yet because i lack effective arguing skills, me and my correct view on things will end up on the losing side.

i suck at confronting others. i back down from it. so it probably seems like i never stick up for what i believe and i never wanna scream what it is i have to say out loud. and i'm sure a lot of people have walked away from situations with me thinking, 'well, i'm sure that changed his mind.'

but i'm pretty sure it didn't. i leave the situation with my mouth shut. but nothing in my mind has changed. i haven't turned a new leaf. i haven't really considered what you were trying so hard to get through to me.

i don't remember the last time someone told me something and i thought to myself, 'hmm.... good point or good idea or i'll try that.' i just do shit how i wanna do it. always kinda have. i live my own funky, oddball, weird existence and don't do well in the 'taking feedback from others' dept.

in fact, people who feel the need to share what they think about everyone else's life bothers the holy fuck out of me. and the world is filled with these assholes. i'm constantly bogged down by other people's ideas of what's good for me, what i should do, how i should act.... if i gave motherfuckers enough license, they'd dress me in the mornings and write down my words before i can speak them.

i know some people need help and guidance and advice. me personally, i feel alright with myself. i'm happy with where i'm at and with what i'm doing. i'm okay. i don't want advice. and if i ever do, i go out and seek it. i feel overburdened by a world that is ready to tell you what's wrong with you. fuck you and back off! i'm so sick of it, that i just keep it moving... i ignore it. i don't even dignify it with a response anymore.

it's not that i give a fuck. if you thought i did, you've been mistaken.