achy monday

today was a rough one. there's nothing particular about today that made it a bad day... there's no circumstance or invisible enemy i can blame it on. this is mostly my doing. today, much like most mondays, i woke up heavily under slept. i had a few drinks last night which helped add to the rough start that was the foundation for the rest of the day.

when the alarm goes off on monday, a part of me wants to cry. when i first step foot into the office, there's a part of me that wants to cry. i don't hate waking up and i don't hate my job. but there's probably nothing that i would look forward to. all i want is more sleep. i know without a good night's sleep, i'm not properly fortified to fight off the usual obstacle course that is any day in the life of being a person.

i have a tendency to think too much and be way harsh on myself. i hate those tendencies... but some days i'm in a pretty good place and i'm able to fight them off and have good days. but not mondays. mondays usually work against me. my mondays consist of me fighting to see the other end of the day while barely treading a pool of self loathing and low self opinion.

if you were my enemy, and you really wanted to fuck me over, attack me on mondays. just tell me i'm ugly and stupid. i'll buy it. it'll ruin me. i'll magnify the bad on mondays so that anything that could possibly be good about the day is impossible to see. it better be big enough to make it till tuesday.

by the time i'm done with work, all i can think about is being home.... alone and isolated. i just don't wanna mix with the world anymore. i'd make horrible company at the moment. i don't wanna talk or make nice or paste on a plastic smile. i hardly wanna write this. but i'm hoping this helps me feel better about things. if this doesn't do the trick, i did order some fried chicken from chicken delight. that might help.

tuesdays are usually a lot better. i usually feel refreshed and ready to fight again. here's to tomorrow, the tuesday that will inevitably wash monday away like it always does.