let's break stuff!!

yesterday, after work....

i was walking to the bus stop when i walked through a part of a parking lot that had a lot of big rocks in it. at first glance of the rocks, all i could think about was breaking stuff... in that first pure moment before i can censor myself or give things a second thought... for one sweet moment i saw a rock that was the perfect size for my hand to be thrown through a window nearby. the imagery was dreamy.

i didn't pick up that rock. i didn't throw that rock. i didn't break a window. i didn't break anything. but the urge was there. i'm filled with this urge to break stuff. i never follow through with it... but it's this chaotic part of me that always manifests itself... when life is less than perfect, when things aren't going my way, when i'm pissed the fuck off, i always think breaking something... watching something destruct at my own hands will somehow relieve some of the tension.

and i can't be alone in this. i'm sure tons of people have these thoughts and urges... it seems like such a great release.

when i walked past those rocks yesterday, other thoughts followed after my original. there was the obligatory, 'don't do that, you can get in a lot of trouble' thought... which is good... i'm glad that's in tact. i need that. but there were other thoughts.

like what if i could get away with it? what if i went on a complete tirade and picked up rock after rock after rock and flung them through the office, hotel, and car windows all within 10-30 feet of me? what if for just one moment, i could throw these rocks and break the fuck out of stuff without any repercussions? if that option was any form of reasonable and available to me, i wouldn't think twice... i'd think no more... i'd go into a zen like bliss of me throwing rocks, me being rock, me being rock as it flies through the glass it shatters, me the glass shattering, me the loud and oddly melodic sound of breaking glass flowing through the air.

i've always had this idea in the back of my head to have a 'breaking stuff' party. i've never followed through with it though. it'd be pretty hard to pull off. but the thought first came to me in a moment when i realized i own way too many plates and glasses for a dude who lives by himself. what if i could just break a bunch of it? how great would that be? what if i could invite others to join me? imagine a big ol' gathering of people breaking shit they don't need for hours on end. i'd hire a dj and serve some drinks, maybe even get a cake... that cake would never be eaten though. it'd end up smashed against a wall somewhere.

but where could you throw a party like this? this type of behavior is acceptable nowhere. so i continue to dream....

i dream of parties filled with people breaking stuff together all in the name of fun and relieved tensions. i dream of rocks flying through windows. i dream of kitchen appliances being flung from roofs onto the ground. i dream.....