fame's only cool if you're alive to enjoy it

i don't want to get famous after i die. if i'm gonna achieve any fame at all, i wanna be alive to enjoy it. what good is providing enjoyment or inspiration for people if you don't personally know that you had that affect?

i don't wanna spend my life struggling and unknown if i have this potential to be appreciated by a shitload of people. i don't wanna die typing away at this blog for the enjoyment of 2 other people besides myself... and then some time after i die, all of the sudden motherfuckers wanna start reading my blog. all of the sudden it gets tons of hits and goes viral and everybody wants to know everything about this josh wells character.

and they'll all say, 'if i only knew about him when he was alive. i love his work.' yea, fat lot of good that does me. now you're gonna tell all your friends about this stuff you just have to read. now i'll be talked about in social circles of people i'll never know on the other side of the world.

i don't even think this is a selfish way of thinking. if anyone has that potential and ability to create something so awesome that it makes them famous, then why can't it happen when that person is alive? even if it changes the world in a positive way... i wouldn't wanna hear, 'well he died before getting famous but look at all the good it brought to the world.' if it brings so much good to the world, then it should've been able to do the same during my lifetime.

not that i'm trying to say that i do anything that brings good to the world or that i should be famous. i'm just saying, if fame for some reason at all comes to me, i wanna be able to enjoy it. i wanna be able to make a living off of it. i don't even have to be rich... just make enough to live comfortably without having a "real" job. i want the validation. that's what people do shit for. they wanna hear someone say, 'hey man, good shit.' no one's making art to remain anonymous.

so if i'm dead and you're reading this, do me a favor.... don't name a street, building, library, bar, sports arena, sports team, concert hall, city, state, country, planet, star, or alternate universe after me. it's not much of an honor to me if i can't show up to bask in the glow and give a 5-6 minute acceptance speech.

if i die unfamous, may i remain that way for all of eternity.