battle of the sexes: one-upmanship

based on my experiences and what i've seen in the world around me, i find it almost completely safe to assume that when it comes to the art of one-upmanship between men and women, women will almost always get the last laugh. they're just plain ol' better at it. they're in it to win it and their will alone allows them to outlast any random dude's desire to come out on top in this sorta contest. the only thing a dude is usually better at in this competition is waving the white flag. so my advice to all the dudes of the world is this, get your white flag out early. you may be delusional enough to think you've got the strategy that's gonna break the mold on this, but you don't and your sense of vanity will only crumble into a pile of embarrassment. give it up, women rule at this.

unless.....

there's really only one form of one-upmanship that can clinch the victory for a dude. but it's a big risk and you may lose it all. but if winning this contest is what you wanna do, and you feel you must win at all costs, this is what you do. write a song about her. but if you're gonna do this, it better be a big fucking hit. the kinda hit the radio can't avoid. the kinda hit that's so catchy that all her female friends are singing it all the time. make a song that has the whole world bopping their heads in unison to your final one up, the last one up you'll ever need. cuz if it's a hit song, there's no coming back from this. you won.

but woe is you if you half ass this. if you end up with a song that sucks and goes nowhere, you've effectively lost the one up battle in the most excruciating way possible. you took yourself out of the competition. you were so bad that all she had to do was sit back, relax, and watch you crash and burn.

so dudes of the world, if you don't have a hit song up your sleeve (spoiler alert: you probably don't and even if you do, remember you might risk it ALL), leave this game alone. when it comes to one-upmanship, women rule.