just let me be a jerk in peace

i know at times i can be a bit of a jerk... maybe even sometimes more than a bit. and i know at times i can be a bit of a wise ass, jackass, and all around sarcastic dude. i can't help these tendencies i have. just like anyone else, i got a saint and a devil sitting on my shoulders... and when the devil's screaming drowns out the gentle whisper of the saint, i tend to shift into jerk mode.

at the core, i'm all heart. i'm generally an all around nice dude. i think we should all get along. i think war is stupid. i try to avoid fights and hurting people's feelings. i'm definitely not a bully cuz i don't believe in preying on people just because in my mind they appear to be weaker than me.

but i can't be a total nice guy all the time. i've been that dude. i know what happens. the ol' 'nice guys finish last' thing is kinda true. it's great to be a nice dude and i myself am a big fan of them and i pretty much detest assholes and douchebags.

so why be a jerk sometimes? it just feels right. i think somewhere along the line i realized that the nice guy finishes last only because he goes so out of his way to always be nice that he lets everyone else pass in front of him and eventually that turns into people taking advantage of him and mistaking his kindness for weakness. i know this sounds like some cold shit... and it is. the world's a cold place. every nice dude would do himself a favor to fly into jerk mode every so often. it's an act of defense so he can remain nice at the core.

when i am being a jerk, it's usually towards other jerks. it's more of a defense mechanism than anything else. if you're gonna be an asshole, i'm not gonna just stand around and take that shit. i'm gonna throw it right back in your face. and when i do that, i gotta put the nice guy routine away for a minute. it happens. i can get back to that just as soon as i'm done with the asshole who's trying to shit in my bowl of cereal.

be nice, but don't let people shit on you either. you gotta stand up for yourself. and sometimes that means being a jerk.

and to my friends and loved ones... when i'm being a jerk to you... my bad. but you gotta know that it's only cuz i love you. there's a playful wise ass side of me that likes to joke around.... a lot, sometimes too much. and when the switch is on, it's fun and i'm like a kid in an arcade in the 80's and i just don't want that shit to ever end. so i joke around a lot and seem to not take a lot of stuff serious... but there's almost nothing more serious to me than the people i call my friends and family (it's the same thing to me. when i say family, blood relation don't cut it. there's gotta be a real connection). so i joke with you and if you notice it's a certain type of joking that i don't do with anyone else. cuz i don't consider anyone outside the circle of my friends and family worth joking around like that with.

so if you catch me being a jerk or you catch me being a smart ass... it's either cuz you're an asshole or i love you (and on rare occasions, a combination of both).

everyone else in the middle, leave me alone. that's why i have headphones on and i'm avoiding eye contact at all costs.