i don't want your joke

please don't try to offer me a joke that i can use in my routine. i'm not going to use it. i'm not going to use it for so many reasons.

you're not unique. you're not the first person who thought they had some great joke that i would hear and love so much that i would throw it right into my act.

and it's not that i think i'm funnier than you or better than your joke. i mean, okay, sometimes that is the case. sometimes the jokes i'm told are awful. and i know awful jokes... i have my own fair share of awful jokes that i have to sift through and throw away eventually when i realize they're just not that good. the last thing i need is anyone else's help in making the load of awful jokes any bigger. so sorry... your joke sucks and i'm not going to use it.

but even if your joke is a good joke, i'm still not gonna use it. it's a code of honor thing... i think most comics have the same or a similar code. we don't steal from one another and we don't tell other people's jokes. i do this out of passion. i wanna be a good stand up comedian.... i can't possibly respect myself if i try to get up on stage with something funny that someone else wrote. i'd be a fraud. i'd rather be a bad stand up comedian on my own than find success with jokes other people created.

so keep your funny joke. go hit an open mic. or go find another comic who takes jokes. i'm sure they're out there.

i'm not even sure what makes a person utter the words, "you can use this for your material." but i can tell you that i hear it a lot. i'm not sure what kinda validation you could possibly get out of someone else getting laughs from your jokes... me standing on a stage pretending i wrote it. how could that do anything but anger you?

i've had occasions where i'll be watching a stand comedy special on tv or whatever and i'll hear a joke that's similar to one of mine. and i'll know for a fact that whoever told it didn't steal it. they just thought the same thing that i did at some point in their life. it happens.... unfortunately. they had a similar experience at some point in their life that lead to a similar punchline. and though there's nothing i can do about these situations.... because it's all very accidental... these moments anger me.

so how could someone else not possibly get angry at the idea of knowing for a fact that the person telling the joke knows:

a- they didn't write that joke.

b- they know the person who wrote that joke.

c- the original author of said joke is not going to get any credit for it.

so please keep your jokes to yourself. or do your own stand up routine.

oh, and one more thing.... if you are gonna try to feed jokes to a stand up comedian, please don't use old bar jokes. i don't understand the joy people get in telling 4 minute long jokes that start with, "3 guys walk into a bar," and end with some predictable punchline. and then to try and think that i might actually wanna use that joke.... a joke you definitely didn't write yourself! you heard it from some dude who heard it from some dude... it's more than twice borrowed. you have no right to offer it for my consumption AND it's not really that funny.