show me the money!

seriously, show it to me.

give me money for something, for stuff, for whatever.

i don't wanna be a prostitute, but surely there's some skill i got that you'll pay me for? why not just give me your money to be awesome. i'm so good at it... you really should hop on a good deal when you see one.

i know from far away i look talentless. i can't build shit. i hate cleaning. gourmet cooking to me means pancakes for dinner. if your car breaks down, all i can do is help you stare at it awkwardly.

but c'mon! give a guy a chance here! there's gotta be a gap in your life that i can help fulfill.

i can hang out with you... you can pay me to be your friend... or tell people i'm your brother... i don't care as long as the cash is correct.

i give great advice! c'mon! have a seat, throw me a $20 bill and tell me your problems. i'll have your shit worked out in no time.

i can draw stick figures. need art? then you need me! take home your very own josh wells stick figure piece to add to your collection.

maybe you need a sidekick cuz you're a superhero or a henchman cuz you're a villain. fine, i can do that... but i suck at fighting... so really i'm just gonna be the wise cracking dude who every so often comes up with a good idea, "i think we should stick around to see batman get cut in half by the buzz saw instead of leaving the room and assuming it will be done while we're not around."

maybe you need a co-host cuz you host a tv or radio show. i can do that! i can be your announcer, your queue card holder, or just a dude who stands around and says, 'lookin good,' a lot.

in fact, i can be a yes man. i'll make a helluva yes man. yes yes yes... all your ideas are good and awesome. just keep that cash coming and you continue to shine with one brilliant idea after another.

shit, maybe you need a no man. maybe you need someone to constantly talk you out of bad ideas. i can do that shit too. just reference my batman example 3 paragraphs back.

c'mon people! it's obvious that the world is sleeping on josh wells. i don't understand why i don't have millions of dollars being thrown at me to do ordinary things. cuz what it all comes down to is josh wells makes ordinary look extraordinary. i make that shit shine! you need this world! make them checks payable to:

Joshua D. Wells

or just give me cash... i don't take credit but i'll gladly accept your atm card with the pin # written on the back.