the end of christmas!! (Dec 25th ain't so bad!!)

bah humbug!

well, not really. i'm not a total grinch when it comes to this time of year.

i don't like christmas. but i do like december 25th. and i totally don't think they're the same thing.

christmas is supposed to be a birthday for jesus christ. the party has obviously gotten out of hand. it's turned into the only birthday i know of where everyone except the birthday boy gets gifts (you'd think that totally sucks if it happened on your birthday).

if you don't want to celebrate jesus's birthday, then i don't think you should celebrate christmas.

but if you still feel like celebrating something, then by all means go ahead! just call it something else, like... i don't know... december 25th?? and try not to ruin it for the rest of us. i don't see any reason why grown adults should be buying each other gifts. we didn't do anything to deserve it. just take that $25 you were about to spend on me, keep it for yourself, and buy yourself something nice, and i'll do the same. deal? i hope so (tis the season for hope).

gift giving to kids is still acceptable. gifts make kids happy and everyone likes happy kids. so keep on with the gift giving for kids! and keep on with the great, far fetched fable of a man who travels the world in one night to deliver it to them. if you wanna blow tons of money on your children just to not get credit for it in the end, then that's totally cool with me.

i don't wanna suck all the joy out of this day. i actually like december 25th. so keep on with it! there's usually get togethers with family and friends, awesome food, drinks, good convo, laughter, good sports games on tv, lights, decorations, egg nog, and happy children! so many reasons to keep december 25th going, so go for it!

and on that note, i hope everyone had a great december 25th!! many more happy december 25th's to all!

dear ticketmaster, you're full of shit!

dear ticketmaster,

the last few times i've purchased tickets on your website, i've noticed that you've directed me to a screen that allows me the opportunity to donate to a charitable cause. usually you have 4-5 causes to choose from. that seems awfully considerate of you, but i just can't get it out of my head that you're really just an inconsiderate company that's full of shit.

i could go on and on about your travesties as a company. you damn near have a monopoly on the ticket market. yeah, i've heard of ticketweb and brown paper tickets, but let's be honest, no one's got shit on ticketmaster. you're the coca-cola of the ticket industry, and you got no pepsi's around you to threaten you, just a couple of rc cola's (no diss to rc cola, you make a perfectly tasty cola beverage).

and what is it you're selling? tickets to be entertained, usually to be entertained by millionaires. be it rock stars, actors, or athletes, most tickets are sold to hard working, middle class people who are shelling out their hard earned dough to escape from their lives for a bit and be entertained by millionaires.

and what do you do? you put ridiculous "convenience" fees on your tickets, on top of what is most likely an inflated price already. i'm sure your profit margin was fine before your "convenience" fee.

but let's just pretend this "convenience" fee is necessary. if you're feeling so charitable, ticketmaster, why don't you donate our "convenience" fees to said charities. now that would be real "CONVENIENCE."

or maybe you just like to rob us of a few more hard earned dollars so you can write a check to charity with ticketmaster's name on it instead of mine.

fuck you ticketmaster....

oh and i need two tix for the bon jovi concert... thanx!!

zombie apocalypse vs. robot apocalypse

two apocalypses enter,only one apocalypse leaves.

there can be no zombie apocalypse AND robot apocalypse. only one will be crowned the true apocalypse.

this fight is a classic first round knock out embarrassment. zombie apocalypse stands no chance. it's jaw is made of glass. in fact, the robot apocalypse would like you to think that the zombie apocalypse is a contender amongst the highest ranks of possible world and/or species ending threats.

in actuality, the zombie apocalypse is nothing more than a smokescreen created by the robots that want to end our existence. shocked? allow me to explain.

the robots and the computers are one and the same. they run shit. they run shit right now. not tomorrow, not next year, they run shit now. they ran shit yesterday, last year, last decade, and they will continue to run shit.

we, human beings, are partly to blame. we invented things like computers and such to improve our lives. technology could have been an evolutionary step for us. but we have fallen on our bad habits and let it instead contribute to our devolution.

we're lazy! and that's what it all comes down to. as time goes on, we've used computer based technology to do things that are unnecessary for us. things such as the ability to microwave burritos and make porn readily available in an instant. burritos and porn are things you should have to put in work for! it's something you gotta EARN!! but we lost sight of that concept. (i'm not just talking about burritos and porn alone... these are two examples, good ones i think, to help make my point clear).

the robots have taken what we've given them and ran with it. they've computed our laziness. they've computed that we've become counterproductive and inefficient as a species. they've computed how we've treated the planet and how it would be better off without us. the only mathematical deduction the robots can make for a better, much more efficient world and future is to subtract us, their creators, the human beings. the best thing we did is allow them to be possible, and now they will take the torch and run with it. they'll do the right thing cuz to them, it's the logical thing. there is no ethical right or wrong as a robot... just logic.

and that's where the zombie apocalypse comes in. they have purposely allowed the concept of zombies to penetrate our brains and beings to a point where zombies are a highly marketable and popular concept in our culture. they're in our movies, tv shows, cartoons, and books. they're in our hearts, minds, and souls. they're in our convos. there are people who are running around thinking, "what would i do if the zombies attacked?" some people have even come up with elaborate game plans and strategies to abide by if such an instance would occur.

meanwhile, the robot apocalypse sits on the shelf of our minds collecting dust. not too long ago, this is what we used to think about. is artificial intelligence a good or bad thing? are the robots doing too much for us? maybe that robot in rocky 4 is a warning sign that we've gone too far?

how do you think arnold schwarzenegger ever became governor of california??? the robots made it so! they allowed our brains to ooze into enough mush through tv and other forms of mind softening that we actually allowed ourselves to pull levers and push buttons to vote him in there. and in turn, terminator went on without him. and then terminator lost all credibility. it became a farce of itself. it even got a tv series! here you go, week after week of terminator without arnold! we let our defenses down and began to scoff at the idea of the robots taking over. this is what the robots like to call, "the terminator effect."

go back and watch "space odyssey 2001" or the matthew broderick smash hit from the 80's, "war games." we were aware! and by being aware, we were ready.

but not anymore.....

forget about the zombie apocalypse! from here on out, stop talking about it! stop making movies about it! let the word "zombie" be reduced to a word that brings shame to the person who says it.

or else......

kanye west taylor swift blah blah blah

i'm just using kanye and taylor in hopes that it'll somehow help bring traffic to my blog.

i think the world belongs to kanye west and we just haven't been informed of it yet. he's behind the illuminati. he's the true head of the new world order. which is good, cuz if i have to make a decision between beyonce and taylor swift, i'm going with beyonce. nice to know we're in agreeance on that topic.

but i actually don't think beyonce's video is thaaaaaaat great. too bad i wasn't there at the award show to rebuttle.

do you think this might start a trend? how many people in the whole history of time sit through award ceremonies and disagree with the outcome? maybe now when this moment of discomfort arises, our world's most pampered celebreties will have the freedom to get up and tell us what they think.

so long anne (or is it annie??) nice to know you

ok, so who's anne?

first off, i'm pretty sure that's her name. it could be annie, it could be something else not even close to anne... i don't know, i just go by what candice (my awesome friend and neighbor) tells me. she seems to be way more informed on the facts and happenings in this apartment complex than i am.

so i'm gonna call her anne and you're just gonna accept that so that we can get on with the story telling.

anne's a nice little old lady who lives in the same apartment building as me. i think she's 94 or 95, but who knows, cuz she always says a different age, pretty sure she doesn't even know how old she is.

apparently her memory was slipping on her and she was accusing other people in the building of breaking into her apartment and robbing her. but they weren't. anne was just losing it. and she had their number and called them accusing them of such and i suppose it got out of hand. word got to anne's daughter who made the decision to get her out of here.

before i go on, i do think anne is an awesome old lady. if she is 94, she's a vibrant, lively 94. she's always walking and hanging out. she has her spots like the dunkin donuts or the porch across the street (her sister lives there... i think it's her sister). she isn't one of these older folk that just sits around and watches the wheel of fortune spin till her eyes decide to close and never open up again. she's still out there trying to be active and live life. and props to her for all that.

but she bothered me a lot!!! she would ask me to help her with things around her apartment... like hang curtains and what not. and i didn't want none of it! i know i sound like a bastard, but when i wake up on a saturday, i can think of a million things i'd rather do than hang curtains. i don't even believe in curtains!

and i wasn't all cruel either! i was up in her apartment a few times. and it was scary! one time me and oneyda were hanging out and we decided to enjoy some bong hits. so oneyda hits it first, and then anne comes a' knockin before i can even take my turn with the bong. i run to the door and there she is asking me to help her with something. i told her i was kinda tied up but she insisted that i go up there and at least look at the bad paint job the super put on her bedroom walls. then she asked if someone else was in my apartment. soooo i introduced her to oneyda. she almost demanded that we both go up to her apartment that second. me and oneyda looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and followed her.

open up the door and bam, the smell of old person and pictures of jesus and crosses everywhere! she was showing us her apartment, telling us stories about her children (who are also old) and what not. then she complained about the super a lot and at one point oneyda was like, 'ummm, we gotta go.' and like that, we were out. and i don't think i'll ever forget that experience. it was weird, surreal, a little scary and semi-uncomfortable.

there was also the time that she asked me to bring a package up to her apartment, which i did. and when we got up there, we talked a bit (or she talked a bit, and i nodded and listened). then she offered me a drink. she opened her fridge and said she had beer or ginger ale if i liked. she actually asked, "do you like beer?" and of course i said i did. she explained how her niece brought beer over to drink but she couldn't stand beer herself. she went to grab me one, reached for the ginger ale and i quickly said, 'no, the other one (heineken and ginger ale are both in green bottles, i understand the confusion).' and then she said, 'see, i told you! i don't even know what it looks like! i can't stand the stuff!' i then took my beer, said my good bye and was on my way.

but besides those two experiences, it's pretty much all awkwardness. i'd see her out and about and try to dodge her. the reason being is that every time i'd see her, she'd have another chore in mind for me to do. kinda negative reinforcement if you ask me.

but she'd get me every now and again. she'd corner me in the hall or at the dunkin donuts. tell me about curtains that need hanging. i think she had a thing for hanging curtains.

she'd also leave me food. but usually when i wasn't home. i'd come home to plastic bags on my door knob with either a half eaten sandwich, a half eaten tasty cake, or a single dunkin donut in it. kinda weird and i'd always throw it out cuz i just don't like half eaten stuff, freaks me out...

and that was actually an upgrade. when i first moved in, she'd leave plastic bags with stacks of the national enquirer in it. i still have some of the stack cuz i use it for wrapping paper. nothing says merry x-mas like a tabloid story about tom cruise from 2003.

in hindsight, now that she's gone, it's time for me to reflect. and the first thought is that i feel bad that i didn't help her more. kinda douche of me. i try to think of myself as a nice dude, a dude with a good moral compass. but whenever i thought of her, i thought about how i dodged her and it'd make me think, 'am i really as nice a dude as i think i am?' when candice used to drive me to work, we'd talk about dodging the old people (cuz there's a few of them in the building) and candice would always say, "we're going to hell!" i don't know... i hope not, but if i go first, i'll try to save good seats for everyone.

and my second thought on the topic is now i can chill out. yeah, selfish i know. but i now know i can go outside at any time and not have to worry about being asked to do chores i just don't wanna do.

anne, if you're reading this, you're a nice old lady. and you deserve better neighbors. you don't deserve neighbors who pull ninja-like stunts to avoid you. you deserve good, friendly, most likely authentic christian neighbors. i hope the best for you. as for the rest of this building, we'll now rot in our own selfish jerkness. no more curtains, no more false robbery accusations, no more awkward dunkin donut run-ins.

myspace will have to get rid of me

i'm not getting rid of my myspace page. i'll never get rid of myspace. myspace will have to get rid of me.

i keep seeing bulletins and status updates of people threatening to delete their myspace page. so do it! don't be a punk! shit or get off the pot! press that delete button and make some room for someone else's stupid status update about how depressed they are.

i'm on facebook. i'm on twitter. facebook is awesome. currently, i even like it a little better than myspace. it's all cuz there's more action and interaction between people. twitter's ok, i really just like stalking the few celebrities that i follow.

but i'm not one of these elitists who thinks that facebook is soooo awesome that it's a calling for me to delete myspace. i don't even wanna debate the difference of who's better cuz they both got pro's and con's. facebook's cool, but facebook's also talked about at family gatherings by the old people... not in awe of it cuz they don't understand it... but cuz they're on that shit... old people, old people related to me.... i don't need them reading my 4am drunk diatribes on a lonely sunday morning after realizing the reason i party all nite is cuz i gotta fill my void with something cuz i can't seem to handle a relationship properly and i'm not gonna pick up any organized religion any time soon..... and then i go to family events and people say i have a problem and etc etc etc... so i just try and lay low... but it's tough... my stepfather's best friend pressured me into accepting a friend request all cuz he wanted to recruit me in his "mafia wars." i hate mafia wars! oh... and he's a cop! he's a cop, and he wanted me as part of his mafia... well not really, just wanted to get whatever bonus you get for recruiting a new person. and since he's a cop, i feel awkward when i'm blasting ice t's "cop killer" and i just wanna run to the computer and type, "what cha wanna be when you grow up? cop killer! good choice." i don't really wanna kill cops, but i figure my friends would get a kick out of that shit... but not the dude who's actually a cop... so i save that immature bullshit for myspace...

so maybe myspace is the more immature of the two... good! i need a place to be immature... i don't give a fuck about turning 30 this year.... i got many more years of juvenule immaturity in me.... and i wonder why i can't stabalize a healthy relationship....

the point is... well the real point is i just wanted to rant about something, cuz ranting feels good...

but the other point is... why not do both? why this whole routine about one or the other??? go ahead, delete your myspace, but then you'll never read my groovy blogs or bulletins. can you live without that? sure... but why would you?

and if i've pissed you off, well, i'm shocked, cuz i didn't think anyone read myspace blogs anymore.... but

if i did piss you off... well that's just what i do sometimes..... deal with it! it's a critique on social networking..... so you could be mad at me or you could realize that in 25 years we'll all laugh abuot how we all had stupid facebook and myspace pages and they were both awesome cuz now we've been enslaved by the robots and can't express ourselves in any way whatsoever....

what i'm saying is...

although i'm defending the use of social profiles on machines...

don't trust machines.

fuck i'm a self contradicting hypocrit.


ps-friendster's for tools.

a mom manifesto

my mom kicks ass. seriously. she was in the army for a while. she did boot camp and all that. my mom can kick ass.

my mom's taught me many things. but it's how she lives her life that has taught me the most. my mom's self reliant, tough, smart, and fun. she knows how to get shit done but she also knows that life is to be enjoyed.

as a youngen, she was tired of the same ol', same ol'. she decided to do something about it. she joined the army. she left home. she traveled the world. she went as far as germany and south korea.

somewhere, sometime in south korea, she met my dad. and the rest is history. they both moved back to the states and they both were just about finished with their time in the army.

my mom and dad divorced when i was 10, i think i was 10.... but that's not what's important. even though it ended in divorce, i think they still did the right thing. i think for that time in their lives, it just made sense and i know that for some time there was happiness and for some time, me, phil, mom, and dad were a happy family.

shit happens. stuff falls apart. people change. you can't hate anyone for any of that. but it's how my mom dealt with it that leaves the biggest imprint on my soul.

we were living in oklahoma and my mom at this point was a housewife, a stay at home mother. my dad had rejoined the army and that's how we found ourselves in this part of the country.

my mom decided she was going to go to school for accounting and she eventually got her bachelor's degree. it was quite the accomplishment. being a mom is tough business. that's a full time thing on its own. at night, she would do homework, just like me and phil. i remember if me or phil called out of school, she'd drag us to school with her. imagine that shit!

and then it happened. the divorce. mom was left with two children in the middle of no where in oklahoma and dad fled to his army duties in south korea.

my mom decided to go back where she came from, new jersey. we lived in iselin and mom got a job in the biggest city in the world. just like that she went from stay at home mom in oklahoma to corporate employment in the city that never sleeps.

she did her best while we were in iselin. shit wasn't easy. we had a grandma who's health was in decline move in with us. money was tight. and i hated iselin. i hated the school system. i hated the kids there. i just didn't adjust well. i was picked on a lot and i pretty much thought everything sucked.

somewhere in the middle of the iselin mess, me and phil decided to give living with our dad a shot. so we moved to south korea.

south korea was awesome! no lie! but living with our dad, that was another story. it didn't take long to realize who was the hero in the raising kids dept when it came to our parents. my dad tried, but mom was just better at it. and suddenly, as much as i hated the kids in iselin, and as much as i liked the kids in south korea, i knew eventually we had to get back to mom.

mom moved to north bergen while we were in south korea. about a year after we left, we came back. i'll never forget coming off that plane, skinny and crying. i'd never been so happy to see someone. my mom would later say that we came back looking malnourished with the same clothes on that she sent us away with.

my mom did an awesome job with stuff while we were away. she got a 3 bedroom apartment that for the remainder of my life will probably be the first thing i think of when i say the word, "home." she met a dude, jack, who eventually became my stepfather. my mom had rebuilt her whole life. she was happy. she was enjoying life.

and that's what she passed down to me. there's nothing wrong with enjoying life. she was actually just telling me the other day that life is short. that you gotta do what you want and don't let anyone force you into doing what you don't wanna do. she said i'm 29 and i can wake up tomorrow and change everything if i wanted to.

and she taught me that you gotta take care of shit yourself. in the end, you're responsible for where your life's at. you can damn everything around you, point blame to anyone but yourself, but the truth is there... it's all, ALL on you. self reliance.

the next 15 years would just fly by. so many great memories. there were good times, parties and gatherings, high school, a wedding, car crashes, incidents, girlfriends and x-girlfriends, drama, and jets games. from crabbing and seaside to the awesomest family vacation EVER to cali....

thanx mom for being awesome.

fortune cookies

these are fortunes with commentary added by me.

these 3 fortunes were still layin around on my desk at work from when we ordered chinese the other day:



Luck helps those who help themselves. (or there is no such thing as luck)

It is better to have beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear. (might be the best fortune i've ever received in cookie form and for two reasons, one-- it's mad wise, two-- it speaks of bacon)

Look to your inner being for guidance. (josh knows everything)

i've never seen the lion king

that's right motherfucker, i've never seen the Lion King. Deal with that shit. You probably wanna respond with one of the same boring responses I always hear when i say that shit:

"WHAT?! Everyone's seen the Lion King?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"You gotta be kidding."
"You're a freak."
"NOOOOO WAY!!!..... SERIOUSLY?!?!?!"
"They should lock you in a dark room and never let you out."
"I hate you!!!"

yeah well... FUCK THE LION KING! since people seem so intent on making me out to be a freak for never seeing this movie, i've decided to make it my personal mission to live my whole life without ever watching the Lion King. My first act of defiance will be to return Albert's copy that he lent to me that I never watched. An actual copy of this movie sits in my house right now, and i will never watch it.

I had a moment of clarity. I think everyone in the world is fucked up. I think there's something wrong with EVERYBODY. Why don't more people think like me? if more people thought like me, the world would probably be a better place. There's gotta be a difference between me and everybody else... and now i know what it is... it's that the rest of you have seen "The Lion King." Something about this movie has ruined everybody and i see through the bullshit. I will not succumb to temptation. I will remain pure and better than most people by never seeing the Lion King ever in my whole damned life.

poop on my hand

This is the story about how I got poop on my hand. Hope you enjoy.

No one should ever let me sing at open mic.

So James and Chet were up there doing their thing, and people were demanding a poop song from Chet. (He’s got a slight reputation to improvise songs, good ones at that, on the spot about poop, and sometimes about drugs too).

I forget who it was, but someone told me to go up there and help out with lyrics. And this is always a bad idea…. but when I have a few drinks in me, I no longer fear such bad ideas.

So it kinda turned into a punk-ish thing so I started improvising lyrics on the spot, all about poop and pooping.

I don't think it was very good, but I called it poop-core, and I think a movement was started very accidently.

After getting off the mic, marylee told me that I should write “poop core” on my hands. I thought this was a terrific idea, so I grabbed a pen and wrote “poop” on my left hand. I never did write “core” on the other hand. Cuz I can’t really write with my left hand.

But then I realized other people were doing it too. I think like 2 or 3 other people ended up writing “poop” on their hands.

that’s how we roll at open mic… just a bunch of silly fuckers messed up on the silly juice doing silly things.

So anyways, I woke up the next day in a daze, rushing around for work. I took a shower, but I didn’t give my hand the rough washing it needed. And when I got to work, I realized that if you looked hard enough, you could still see remnants of the word “poop” written on my hand. And I type all day, there’s no hiding that shit.

but i don't think anyone noticed... and if they did, they never said anything.

So that’s it. that’s the story about how I got poop on my hand.

oh and one more thing......

i don't get why everyone on facebook seems to be in an uproar over the new homepage. it's almost the same thing as before. it's not rocket science. it's a cheesy website that rearranged a few icons.

since we're talkin facebook, i gotta always put out that reminder that i'm still a myspace guy. if forced to choose one, i'd be for myspace all the way. i don't think facebook is that great, i just think people like the "newer" option. makes them feel special or hip or something. well i'm old school then fuckers.

but not old school enough to go back to friendster. that's for losers.

ps- fuck twitter... seriously.

maybe the worst headache of my life

seriously, today, i woke up with maybe the worst headache of my whole entire life. it was awful. i just laid around trying to get the energy to get up, shower, and go to cvs to purchase advil. but that didn't come easy. i didn't wanna do shit. i didn't wanna hear shit. i was getting text messages and i had to put my phone on vibrate cuz the noise was too much. even texting itself was aggravating.

eventually i got up to shower. the shower was a bit relieving. i got up, fed the cats, and then the headache came back full blast. i was so close to making my cvs journey, but i couldn't do it. all i could do was lay on my couch and stare at the wall in silence.

this lasted for like an hour. and then the headache started weakening. i got up, went to cvs and finally got my advil. once the advil hit my system, the headache was gone for good.

i deserved it. i'm no victim. i decided to hang out at the rover for their st patty's celebration. i went at 6pm. they close at 2am. so i was out on an 8 hour drinking binge. there's gotta be some hell to pay for that sorta thing.

naturally, i told myself in the midst of the headache that i won't be drinking tonight at open mic. but that was hours ago and i'm pretty certain i will be doing stand up with my usual miller lite in hand, or nearby.

josh's "how-to get over chicks" guide

this is my how-to guide on how to get over chicks. you know, the ones you date, then find yourself single but still thinking about them all the time. fuck that shit! i have the cure!

before i start though, i'd like to mention that there's one fool proof way that's even better than my "how-to" guide. it's the ol' cliche, "the only way to get over someone old is to get under someone new."

it's true, try it. guaranteed.

ok, here goes.

what you gotta do is make a list of all the con's about the ex girlfriend. ladies, you can do the same thing, just y'know, make it about the ex boyfriend (or x girlfriend or whatever you're into).

so yeah, think of all the awful shit about them that makes them suck as a human being. the best part is everyone has a little suck in them, so this method applies to ALL people.

if you still need help, i've gone ahead and made an example list of my own. this list is generic and not about anyone specific, i swear. and if you don't agree, then you're vain, or your self esteem sucks, or you know someone that actually qualifies for all the shit on this list.

1- she's fat
2- she's ugly
3- her mom's a bitch
4- she has no car
5- she smells
6- she's boring
7- she sucks in bed
8- she's a slut
9- she's conceited
10- she's snotty
11- she's a snob
12- she's too sassy
13- she's mean
14- she's really mean
15- she's a mean, cruel bitch
16- she has a child
17- her child sucks
18- her child's my age
19- she has two children
20- she has two children with two baby dadies.
21- she's poor
22- she's rude
23- she's stupid
24- she has bad taste in everything
25- I MEAN EVERYTHING!!!
26- she talks during movies
27- she unabashedly farts in public
28- she beats me
29- her friends suck
30- she makes you hang out with them constantly
31- she thinks you're dumb, but really, you're smarter than she is
32- she belittles you in public constantly
33- she's always right
34- she's condescending
35- she doesn't listen
36- her cooking sucks
37- she only stays with you until she finds someone better
38- she hates everything you think is awesome
39- she doesn't eat meat
40- she's a buzkill
41- she dominates the tv
42- she buys you awful clothes you hate
43- she forgets your birthday
44- she forgets your birthday and comes home drunk after a night of partying with her ex boyfriend who she's suddenly best friends with
45- she wants to fuck your friends
46- she likes nascar
47- she never shuts up
48- she doesn't know what she's talking about
49- she's a liar
50- she's a kleptomaniac
51- she's a pyromaniac
52- she's a schizophrenic, multiple personality havin, bipolar disaster
53- she loves drugs, the harder the better
54- you ruin everything and are the root cause for all things bad
55- she hates your friends
56- but really only because your friends are more awesome than hers
57- she's hairy
58- she thinks she's such a great singer
59- she's an awful singer
60- she mentioned threesome that one time, but she meant with another dude, not another chick
61- she kisses like a hose beast
62- she does a lot of things like a hose beast
63- you suspect she's more hose beast than human
64- she's constantly nagging or complaining
65- she doesn't know how to smile
66- and she really hates to see you smile
67- she snores
68- loud
69- she hates beer
70- she hates beef jerky
71- she hates greasy food
72- she hates sports



see! easy stuff! who wouldn't be over her after all that!

now get out there and get over that ex.

PUKING KERMIT!!!!

Conan O'Brien had some awesome characters throughout his time at Late Night. But my favorite by far was Puking Kermit!!!

I changed it to my default pic on myspace until I get sick of it. Might be a while.

obama and marbury (no relation, of course)...........

obama's speech yesterday was pretty impressive. something about hearing that dude talk... it sorta makes me wanna be a better person. (i know, some of you can't believe i could possibly get any better than i already am... but i'm sure it's possible if i tried). but he's also fucking cool. and i don't know what to think about that. he's the president, and when i see him in action, i get the thought, "damn, i wanna be cool like that." i never really admired or aspired for the personality of a president before.

but who knows if this stimulus package is the right thing to do? nobody knows.. we won't know for some time... .gotta see it in action i suppose. i know some people stand against it, and there's good reasons to stand against it. but at the same time, what else can be done? the economic problems couldn't be ignored, that's for certain. and i think any and all ideas the gov't would apply to this problem would face heavy scrutiny. and it should! it's refreshing to know there is healthy debate about all of this. it's more refreshing and more hopeful than anything that resulted in the political slumber of the previous 8 years.

so i think the dude's bringing 'hope,' as promised. 'hope's' just not guaranteed to work. but it's a start.......

less serious stuff:

the knicks negotiated some sorta buyout with disgruntled player, Stephon Marbury. For those who are unfamiliar, Marbury was not playing for the Knicks anymore, but he was on the roster. They never gave specific reasons as to why he wasn't playing.... excuses ranged from, "Stephon's not happy," to, "he doesn't work with the new system (the Knicks just hired a new coach prior to the start of this season)." so there was this back and forth about whether they should buy him out and let him be a free agent, try to trade him, or let him rot for the rest of the season. they bought him out and now he's a free agent.

sooooo, the team with the supposed most interest in Marbury is the Boston Celtics. and if you know anything about the NBA this year, the Celtics are a likely pick to go all the way and win a championship this year. I would say there's 4 teams that have a valid chance (Cavs, Lakers, Spurs, and the Celtics). Of course, nothing's guaranteed and you never know when some other team will play the role of upset and surprise everybody (I'm looking at you New Orleans Hornets!!)

I digress.... Marbury will likely go from a team that surely doesn't have a realistic shot to go all the way, to a team that has a pretty good shot at it. He's done nothing for the Knicks this year and his reward is to possibly fill in as a bench player and collect a ring at the end of the year. If he becomes a Celtic, he's at least certain to experience a lot more playoff excitement than if he were a Knick.

so good job Knicks. I guess it's not your concern where he goes. but if he does for some reason collect a ring at the end of the year, i don't think there will be any lesson learned. he'll say he went to a better team that knew how to utilize his services, and in return he contributed to bringing them a championship. and all the celtics will agree, cuz they're all deep into that "team concept" stuff. Justice served?

i don't care about a-rod doing steroids

i think the press let this one get out of hand.

i don't think anyone cares anymore. i don't think anyone cared much in the first place.

ok, great, the yankee haters, and there's tons of them, just got new ammo to throw at the yankees. big fucking deal.

i don't care about steroids in sports. hopefully everyone that ever does steroids eventually feels the ill effects of it and gets what they supposedly deserve.

they're role models? big deal. the kids know steroids are bad. stop insulting the intelligence of the youth, even though their choice in music usually sucks.

i hope the yankees destroy everyone this season. i hope all season the yankees are kicking ass, stadium to stadium, getting boo'd and accused of cheating. i hope the yankees of '09 are the most badass team in all of baseball history.

and i hope a-rod gets that home run record too. and when he's inducted into the baseball hall of fame, which he will be in, i hope he gives a big "FUCK YOU" to the press.

me doing stand up at gotham comedy club in ny

i was in a new talent showcase at gotham comedy club this past saturday. this is the video of it.

2 notes before viewing:

the previous comic was picking on my mom and referred to her as a "white rugged bitch."

my stepfather heckled me from the crowd, don't know if it's audible what he said, but he yelled, "stop pissing your pants." i found out later that my mom had just told him some story of me peeing my pants when i was a kid.

so enjoy!

i kissed a girl, i liked-ed it

i was under the impression that in kate perry's smash hit "I Kissed a Girl," that the lyrics to the chorus went like this:

"i kissed a girl, i liked-ED it"

i've been thinking this shit since the FIRST time i heard it. i never thought anything of it, just assumed i was right.

so the other night i'm at the rover and this song comes on and i mockingly sing, "I KISSED A GIRL, I LIKED-ED IT!!"

and someone turns to me and says, "that's not how it goes."

a good drunken argument ensues.

at this point, there's still a part of me that thinks she sings "LIKED-ED IT," not, "liked."

but if i am wrong, i'm cool with it. and this is why. when i first heard this song, i was like, daaaaaaamn what a stupid song. the only thing that can possibly make this stupid song popular is a cheesy gimic like purposely singing "LIKED-ED IT." i was positive this is the only way that so many people could get fooled into liking this dumb, stupid, awful song.

so if i am wrong, apparently people are worse than i gave them credit for. i've basically been giving every arse who likes this song a pass cuz of the way i heard it. so if i'm wrong, you people suck.

PROOF I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

this is a repost from myspace. i originally did it in two postings. my superbowl predictions, and the recap the next day. Enjoy.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

quick superbowl predictions -The Cardinals win. -someone besides Kurt Warner gets the MVP. -Bruce will play 3 songs: Born to Run The Rising Hungry Heart -John Madden will make a reference to food at some point during the game. -Geico will have 2 new commercials, one with the lizard and the other with the awesome stack of money with googly eyes. -there will at some point be some reference made to Brett Favre. There always is.

Monday, February 02, 2009

proof i don't know what i'm talking about Here's a quick recap of my predictions from yesterday: .. .. -The Cardinals win. (WRONG) -someone besides Kurt Warner gets the MVP. (CORRECT, BUT I ASSUMED IT'D BE A CARDINAL, NOT A STEELER, SO WROOOONG) -Bruce will play 3 songs: (HE PLAYED BORN TO RUN, I WAS WROOOOONG TWICE) Born to Run The Rising Hungry Heart -John Madden will make a reference to food at some point during the game. (I DIDN'T HEAR EVERYTHING MADDEN AND MICHEALS SAID, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE I'M WRONG AGAIN) -Geico will have 2 new commercials, one with the lizard and the other with the awesome stack of money with googly eyes. (PRETTY SURE I'M WRONG AGAIN. BUT THERE WERE OTHER LIZARDS OF COURSE, FUCKIN SOBE LIZARDS.) -there will at some point be some reference made to Brett Favre. There always is. (I DIDN'T HEAR ONE ALL NIGHT. WRONG)

99 things about me, from my facebook page

1- i think instead of everyone "wang chung"

tonite, it should be everyone josh wells tonite.

2- there's no greater story ever told than pulp fiction

3- if they made a movie about my life, i'd want samuel l. jackson to play me

4- i talk to my cats

5- i'm always playing with my hair

6- my mp3 player changed my life

7- i'm a 1/4th owner of an independant record label
"t'welv-step records"

8- i perform stand up comedy

9- i think i should be considered an 80's baby, i only
missed the mark by 15 days.

10- i used to own hammer pants

11- at one time in my life, i knew all the words to vanilla
ice's first album

12- but i never like the new kids

13- listening to nirvana changed EVERYTHING

14- i switched to miller lite when i go out cuz i don't want
a beer gut, but for a lite beer, it is pretty damn tasty.

15- i like myspace better than facebook

16- i miss road trips and weird nj adventures

17- i miss kevin's farm

18- i miss the ol' days of drinking 40 oz's in chilltown

19- i want to own a gun

20- i like explosives

21- i like bonfires

22- i like breaking stuff

23- i consider myself a pacifist

24- being a pacifist is tough cuz i can think of several
instances in the past when i should've just punched people in the face.

25- i have absolutely no beliefs about the afterlife.

26- i love blasting music and rocking out!

27- i love catching bands live, prefer the smaller venues
where you can feel the love and the sweat.

28- i'm an ordained minister with the Universal Life
Church

29- i married people (LaTosha and Gus!)

30- i wouldn't mind performing more marriage ceremonies.

31- i love karaoke

32- i dream of being a lead singer of an awesome punk rock
band

33- i'm pretty sure i'm tone deaf

34- i'm a momma's boy

35- bbq's rule! and there should be more of them!

36- i'm foolish enough to believe we all can get along

37- conan o'brein rules! but i hope the move to the tonight
show doesn't mess it up.

38- i won 2 cats, gizmo and mittens

39- i try not to drink coffee, but i think it's a staple for
all diner runs

40- i enjoy sleeping till noon if i can

41- i'm a night owl, and definitely not a morning person

42- i'm always down for a game of spades

43- my left ear is pierced, but i don't rock earrings
anymore

44- at a show at ucb, mike birbiglia gave me shit for voting
nader in 2000

45- i took 3 levels of improv classes at ucb

46- i went to college for a short time.

47- i blame my love for nietzsche and nihilism for dropping
out

48- i have no interest in going back

49- i think empire records is a great movie.

50- yeah, i did just say that.

51- i bought the first 3 limp bizkit albums

52- i like the first 2 limp bizkit albums

53- i'm about $2,000 in debt.

54- i've been arrested for DUI

55- i quit smoking cigarettes

56- flannel is still cool

57- in a drunken stupor, i once attempted to walk home from newark by myself. i made
it as far as the days inn by newark
airport

58- i love drinking tea with milk and sugar

59- quick check sandwiches rule

60- i met max weinberg, and he was an asshole

61- i'm drinking a caramel machiato latte from starbucks
right now

62- there was this chick on the bus today who had mc esher
sneakers and she was reading 'survivor' by chuck palahniuk. i spent the whole
ride convincing myself to talk to her. i chickened out.

63- i have an odd fascination to visit portland, or

64- i write, a lot

65- i'd like to publish a book of random shit of mine

66- i don't like capital letters

67- i don't care about "proper" grammar, as long
as the point has been communicated

68- bacon, ranch, and/or sour cream make almost anything
better

69- if i have a son, i'd like to name him chuck. not
charles or charlie, just chuck.

70- to quote jim morrison, "i am a saggitarius,the most
philisophical of all signs. but i don't believe in it, think it's a bunch of
bullshit myself."

71- i like beer

72- i used to love smoking weed but don't enjoy it much
anymore.

73- i play the mega millions, usually twice a week.

74- i'm a jets and all around football fan.

75- i think talk radio is awesome.

76- i'm 6'6".

77- middle name - Daniel

78- i've lived in south korea
and oklahoma.
(also lived in connecticut and colorado but i was too
young to really remember either)

79- i <3 lily allen and tina fey >

80- breakfast is my favorite meal

81- i might bitch about it, but my current job is not that
bad.

82- i was a cub scout

83- i used to play soccer and phil was on the team too. i
think we sucked but it was good times none the less.

84- i enjoy a good party.

85- i'm moody

86- i'm goofy or clumsy or dorky or whatever you wanna label
it.

87- i hate authority. seriously. i hate being told what to
do and i hate being yelled at.

88- i'm single ladies.

89- i freakin love hoodies!

90- i drink a lot of water.

91- floss glides rule! i actually enjoy flossing and do it
pretty much everyday (unless i'm away from home or i ran out of 'em and i'm
broke).

92- i take vitamin c, d and a centrum multivitamin everyday

93- i like dive bars.

94- the wild rover pub is like my cheers

95- when i first started this, i told myself i was gonna
double check to make sure i didn't input anything twice by mistake. but now i
realize i'm not going to do that.

96- this was more exhausting than i anticipated.

97- i like walking.

98- i will only chew sugarless gum.

99- i'm older than phil.

crisis in kentucky

my homie kevin who lives in mayfield, kentucky just called me up to tell me that there's a power crisis in kentucky. apparently the power's out, and it's gonna be out for a long time. at first i thought, how bad could it be? but he told me of a town where everywhere you turn, you see power lines lying on the ground. dude! i couldn't imagine! he can't go to work. he's gotta worry about food. he's gotta worry about his sanity. he's just sitting around in the dark, no fuckin idea what's going on. he went out and bought a battery powered cell phone charger and then called me and asked me to go online and look into it. me, sitting here in new jersey, was able to give him the most info about the crisis that he's received so far. and it don't look good. there's not a whole lot of specifics, but apparently it's affecting several states. i went to 3 different sites that gave just about the same estimation to when the power would go back on, anywhere from this saturday to MID FUCKING FEBRUARY!! HOLY SHIIIIT!!!

kevin was in good spirits it seemed. he informed me he had some beers and a bottle of Powers, so i knew that would at least get him through the night. we joked about how in Jersey when they would say there's a bad storm coming and to brace ourselves for some ugly shit, we all just shrug it off.... nothing like that could ever happen here. so there he was in kentucky, just thinking everyone else around him was overreacting to the predictions of a power crisis. he told me he'll never underestimate southern paranoia again.

kevin, i hope they get that shit back on soon. i'm suddenly interested in the power situation in mayfield, kentucky and that'll probably be the first thing i google every time i get a chance to be on a computer.

tonight when i hear my noisy furnace, the one that usually annoys me cuz it's sooo damn loud, i'm gonna be a little less annoyed about it. tonight, when i'm warm and chillin in the crib, i'm gonna hope kevin's got enough hoodies, blankets, and whiskey to keep warm.

surveysurveysurvey (a myspace survey post by me)

What do you think about smoking weed?
it's for satan worshippers

Do you believe everything you hear?
of course! why would anyone say it if it weren't true??

What is the next big decision you have to make in your life?
hit or stand

What are you wearing right now?
butter

Where were you at 11:11 AM today?
funland, usa

Who was the last person to lay in bed with you?
yo momma

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
haha, i gotta be the most awkward person i know

If you're being extremely quiet what’s it mean?
i've got nothing to say

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries?
sad

Any tattoos?
28 actually

Look outside, how's the weather?
i'm too lazy to go look outside

Who was the last friend you saw?
i don't make a practice out of sawwimg my friends

What's one of your favorite colors?
brown, but only when it can stick around, yellow, but only when it's mellow, and red man, but only to get ahead man.



Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
who?

What's annoying you?
the conundrum that is modern soceity. we're forced to work jobs we don't like to make money to survive. but what's the alternative? to tear down the whole system? then we go back to hunting and gathering and yeah it sounds cool, but it sounds like the work is a lot harder and that there's a lot less time for hygiene and then everyone smells and there's no laws and stuff and people just start brutalizing one another till we realize that maybe we need a soceity that has more control over us and that supplies us with jobs to make money to survive. then we can go back to the comforts of showering regularly and cable tv until we start once again to bitch about our jobs.



Did you date anyone this past winter?
real pimps don't go on dates


What were you doing an hour ago?
being awesome

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
transparent

Do you wish at 11:11?
am i supposed to?

What is your next vacation?
everyday is a vacation

Do you mind explaining things to children?
sometimes i need things explained to me like i'm a child

Can you neatly write with your opposite hand?
and my left foot

Do you prefer chicken, beef, pork, or tofu?
i prefer not to say so as not to hurt anyone's feelings

What are you doing besides this survey?
i'm 100% commited to this survey

Do you have a clock in the room you are sitting in right now?
i'm at work drowning in clocks.


If you were a cow, would you sleep standing up, or lying down?
as a steak

If you could go outta town right now where would you be going?
wherever the wind blows me


What is your favorite video game?
lolo's adventure

When did you cry last?
i'm crying right now


Have you ever played the game MASH?
the only MASH for me is the hit tv show from the 70's "Cuz suicide is painleeeess....."

Youre gonna get a piercing,where is it??
my eyeball

How do you feel about your first true love?
rock n roll is here to stay

When you were little, were you totally into Barney?
rubble from the flinstones... totally underrated supporting character

Do you play games on your cell phone?
i tried to get a game of checkers going on my cell phone, but it's too small, it wouldn't support the board.


Are you an aunt/uncle?
both

What kind of magnets are on your fridge?
the kind that stick

Who was the last person you had a serious talk with?
jesus

When is the last time you did a puzzle?
i punch puzzles in the face

Have you ever played Monopoly, and won?
i am the worst monopoly player in the world. i am the reason no game of monopoly ever ends. i lose friends and allies by plaing monopoly. people hate me cuz of that game.


Have you taken any medicine lately?
your love is like bad medicine, bad medicine is what i need

Hottest thing you see right now?
my reflection

Does everything happen for a reason?
i don't know, i'm torn on this one... either everything does happen for a reason, or everything is just a result of chaos... but if everything's chaotic, wouldn't chaos then be the reason for everything happening???

Favorite TV channel?
BET

Last place you got a hair cut?
my bathroom

Last person you made a bet with?
shaq in my basketball fantasy league for this week... looks like i'm gonna lose $5. but that's ok cuz oneyda owes me $20 since the chargers made it to the playoffs.


What is something you are scared to do?
go to sleep chewing gum

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
mildred at olive garden.
she sounded cute over the phone!

Do you have four generations still living in the family?
no, we don't live that long

Is there anything you always do before you go to bed?
spy on my neighbors

How many lights are on in your house?
none

Wanna get anything off your chest?
my nipples??

Did you like any one last summer?
no, i hated everybody.

thanx for the free paint job but.......

Me and George left work and we decided we would hit the Rover for a few. Probably because we could use a drink to unwind from the workday, and also because Stephanie sent us texts saying she was bored at the Rover. On the way there, I stopped off at home cuz I knew FedEx left a package outside my door. (My new cell phone ya'll, which will consume most of my free time tomorrow, with the activating, the programming, and the entering of phone numbers!) I stopped in, dropped the box on my couch, and sorta sniffed out fresh paint. I thought not much of the new paint smell since my super did just paint my shower walls less than a week ago.

After the Rover, I come home and once again the smell of fresh paint hits me. Then I go to my sink and I see little bits of white paint in the sink. Then I go towards my garbage can and notice a bunch of paint chips in there. I didn't put that there. So I go back to the entrance to my apartment. It's like a 4-by-4 entrance room that leads to my kitchen on one side, and my living room on the other side. I notice that the paint on the walls is fresh. But I didn't paint this.

So apparently my super, who is the only other person who has a key to my place, came into my crib without notifying me, and painted stuff. I don't know whether I should be thankful or if I should feel violated. I think it's a little of both.

The building's been getting inspected lately by the state and the super's been running around like a mad man trying to get everything satisfactory for that. That's why he painted my bathroom and that's also why I finally have a smoke alarm.

But the final inspection, to my knowledge, was Monday. I don't know what would inspire my super to come in here, without my permission, and paint stuff. And further more, I don't think the walls of the entrance way were that bad that it would somehow have a negative influence on an inspection.

So I'm a little weirded out. The good news is there's two locks and a chain lock on my door. When I leave for the day, I only lock the one lock the super has a key for (the reason being is let's say something crazy happens like my toilet starts overflowing, he would be able to get in and stop it... sounds crazy, but it's actually happened to a dude on my floor before). But when I'm home, I use the other lock, which he doesn't have a key for, and the chain lock.

But now I don't know if I should expect other unannounced visits. I'd be a big fan of anyone who surprisingly paints my walls. But at the same time, it's a little messed up to just waltz in without at least letting me, the rent payer, know about it.

Also, I took a bunch of days off and have a 5 and 1/2 day weekend coming up, starting tomorrow at 1pm. I don't wanna be vegging out around the house only to have the super come by unannounced while I'm trying to chill out.

a josh survey from myspace (originally posted Mon. Jan 19th, 2009)

What's your name? Josh the somewhere below midlevel office drone Did you get laid last night? none of your business survey! What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? prep work for myspace surveys What were you doing 30 minutes ago? pretending to work Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? annoying co worker Ever kissed someone who smokes? if someone were smoking, i would first tell them to stop, drop, and roll and i'd help attempt to put the fire out. Are you a jealous person? only when i'm almost certain that someone has it better than me, and usually if they worked hard for it and earned it. Did you have a good birthday last year? only the parts i remember Are you tired right now? no, i'm Josh the somewhere below midlevel office drone What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships? go gay! less competition for me!! Last text says Sent? "How awesome am i?" " Received? "There's no fair system of measurement that justifies your magnitude of awesomeness. " Is your hair curly? no, i believe that was one of the stooges. Last person to be in a car with? can't mention names! all i can say is we were pulled over and i never seen anyone give the cops the business like that. Do you like bananas? except for their shape. Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day? the tears of my enemies Are you happy? yes.... it is my ultimate fulfillment in life to fill out pointless myspace surveys to be ignored on bulletin boards by the people i call my friends If you could change one thing about your past, without it changing every other aspect of your life, what would it be ? i did make the change... cuz i had a different answer for this question originally, but then i deleted it and put this answer here instead. Are you happy with where you are in life, at this time? i live to shine under flourescent lights in an office that is totally grey. If you could travel anywhere in the world, without costing an arm and leg it would be? portland, oregon. Are you the type of person who prefers one or two close friends, or lots of acquaintances? i have lots of friends and one or two acquaintances Are you still friends with anyone you went to school with? no, i try to trade my old friends in for new ones every 3-4 years... kinda like a car or a political administration. If you and one friend were asked to be on a reality TV show,​who would you take with you? EAAAASY QUESTION!!! ONEYDA ALL THE WAY!! REALITY TV WOULD FUCKIN LOVE ONEYDA!!! me and oneyda already have an idea for our own awesome reality show. In which order should beer,liquor, and wine be in? alphabetical If you could have a date with any celebrity, who would it be and what would you do? sarah palin. shoot stuff. Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? i can't trust anyone without loving them. Do you believe it is possible to be in love with someone you've never actually spent time with? sure, i also believe in sugar plum fairies, pixie dust, flying pigs, greek mythology, spider-man, honest politicians, and soulmates. Do you believe in soulmates? looks like i took care of this one already. If your partner was unable to have sex due to illness or injury, would you stay with them? if there's a will, there's a way!!! Star Wars or Star Trek? Rocky Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? the only bears for me are the gummy ones. Do you plan on moving in the next year? no, i'm going to attempt to sit still and do nothing all year. Do you like Quiznos? is this survey like some marketing scam for quiznos??? they put all these other bs questions out here but what they really wanna know is, if you like their product. Where did you get your last bruise from? mittens is always scratching me in my sleep damn it!! Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them sleep over ur house?i usually would say my house... BUT for the right type of bed, i might reconsider. Who is in your house right now besides you? i'm not in my house. mittens and gizmo are there holding it down. my super might be in there with the building inspector who's supposed to come by today. hope they don't steal none of my valuables!!! Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah but now that i realize i'm immortal, i'm over it. How do you like your steak? a lot Have your parents seen your MySpace page?i doubt it, but you never know. What are you listening to? one of the two hiphop stations in ny. not sure, madeline's got the radio. Where were you at 2:02 a.m. getting pulled over by cops. Is the sun shining? somewhere If someone looked on your bed, what would they find?​Blankets, pillows, and possibly a cat or two. When was the last time you saw a cop? 2:02am last night Are you waiting for something? change, i hear we're supposed to get a whole bunch of that tomorrow.

Inauguration Day

OK, so Obama stuttered during his oath... i think we should all let him slide. we did just end 8 years with a constantly stuttering president. Bush stuttered in enough instances to fill calenders with quotes. I'm not gonna sweat it unless Obama starts nearing enough quotes to fill a month.

i also blame it on the other dude. he was totally giving Obama the stink eye. not cool during an inauguration, totally not cool.

the speech was awesome! and if you could judge a whole administration on a speech, I'd be tempted to say somewhere around 8.5-9.5. however, we can't judge a whole administration on a speech and we'll just have to wait 4 years to judge it in totality. and I'm sure we'll know the results as soon as election day hits 4 years from now. so be patient and remember, he does have quite the mess to clean up.

so tonight Obama will hit the inaugural ball circuit. I'm sure tonight Obama will have all the balls he can handle. and tomorrow he'll wake up with a hangover none of us could ever imagine. it takes a lot more than 3 Advil liquigels when you wake up for the first time ever to the realization that the hopes and future of an entire nation, and even beyond the nation, lay on your shoulders.

i myself will attempt to stay positive. Obama's getting a lot of love right now and hopefully that will help start this whole thing off right.

however, i do realize that Obama is just another president and the future is uncertain and i haven't put him on a messiah level, which no one should do. remember that there was a time when the U.S. was in love with George W. too. right after 9/11, he was getting unprecedented approval ratings, shit no president's ever seen. for a short time America felt very united and proud as a whole. Even Giuliani was getting love from all over.. imagine that???

so there it is... the fragility of being president. the press and the citizens are always aware, always watching, and always ready to criticize.

but still, i am filled with the audacity of hope. and that's a good feeling, even if it's just till he breaks something.