yea, i know....a lot of people were on to this long before 2011. but if we can all agree that the year 2011 taught us one thing, it's that donald trump is beyond all doubts a douchebag. he went far and wide and spoke loud and clear to get the message across to as many people as possible this year.
let's start with the basics.
he puts his name on EVERYTHING. it stretches way beyond buildings. if you want a bottle of water in one of his hotels, you have to drink it from a bottle that has a label with his name AND his stupid face on it.
his stupid fake hair. there might not be a possibly more famous fake hairdo than donald trump's. it's not the 800 lb gorilla in the room that no one will talk about. everyone's talking about it. and trump of all people has the money to do some real shit up there. many people lost their shirts in your casino this year. the least you can do is make your hair look somewhat more real with that money.
the hair thing leads me to believe either one of the following conclusions:
-everyone's talking about it. trump has to hear it. but trump disagrees. he obviously thinks it looks great. why else would he keep leaving his castle looking like that? (sure, it doesn't help that younger sex goddesses wanna get nasty with him... but c'mon... it's not him they're getting nasty with... it's the money.) i digress.... so the whole world could scream in unison, "YOUR HAIR SUCKS!!!" and trump, so convinced that he's right, would assume that anyone in disagreement with him, even if it is the entire fucking planet, is utterly and foolishly wrong.
-or maybe it's that trump just doesn't listen to other people speak. trump is never listening to anyone else. the only thing playing in his head is a constant inner monologue which i'm sure is mostly him telling himself how great he is. when anyone is talking to him, he's only waiting for his turn to speak... and usually willing to cut people off mid sentence to say what he has to say. he probably has little to no value of other people's opinion of him.
either way, he's a douche.
but beyond this, he stepped it up this year.
he told us all that there was a great chance he'd run for president this year. he made speeches and showed up on news and talk shows to discuss his platform.
he cried about obama's birth certificate. he cried so much about it that it fucking worked...the obama administration felt the pressure and caved and they released his birth certificate. this makes trump the king of the birther movement. and the birther movement is a movement full of douchebags essentially making trump some kinda 'king of the douchebags.'
he did all this presidential posing as his newest season of 'celebrity apprentice' was approaching. a few weeks before the show was to air, trump said, 'no thanks,' and bowed out from running for a position he had no interest in having in the first place. he made all this noise about maybe the most important job in the world, all in hopes that it would increase his viewership sunday nights on nbc.
since then he's lured republican hopefuls to his lair in new york for pre-packaged publicity stunts. like when trump took palin out for pizza so they could eat it with a knife and fork.
y'know who eats nyc pizza slices with a knife and fork? douchebags, that's who.
and a handful of republicans cave to this man. they show up and kiss his ring and dance his dance all in the hopes that trump will stand in their corner.
not satisfied with his public record on douchebaggery, trump decided he'd try to end the year with a bang and organized a republican debate that would be moderated by none other than donald trump. as if that wasn't enough, he said he'd think about endorsing "the winner," and if he didn't think there was a clear winner, he'd possibly consider running for president once more.
that was too much douchebaggery for most of the republican nominees (many of them being major douchebags themselves). most of them publicly declined trump's invitation for the debate. the whole idea lost all its steam. trump was forced to cancel.
since then i haven't seen or heard much of trump in the news. but i'm sure he's out there somewhere thinking up new schemes and ways to outdo and top himself and make sure that if anyone thought 2011 made trump look like a douchebag, we ain't seen nothing yet.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
my mom knows the words to 'lithium'
that's right, the nirvana song, 'lithium.'
she hasn't always known the words. this is a new development. i found out on christmas eve. i borrowed my mom's car and noticed that she had a nirvana greatest hits collection cd. so i popped it in the player and left it in there when i was done. later that night my mom was driving me and my girlfriend home with my stepfather in shotgun.
she lets a couple of songs from the nirvana cd play and doesn't say anything relating to the music. at some point my stepfather made a comment about the music playing (my step dad didn't dig the sound). he said something like (if i may paraphrase here), "what is this? blow it out your asshole."
my mom, who has a tendency to be a ball buster, says, 'oh yea?' and turns it up. that's when my attention from the back seat perked up... my stepfather not liking nirvana... totally predictable. my mom defending it and turning it up though, fuckin a! go mom!
my step dad kept complaining. and my mom then says, "what you don't like that? watch i'm gonna sing it now too. i'll put my favorite song on." she then skips tracks till 'lithium' is blaring through the car and my mom starts singing and then my girlfriend starts singing and i just sat there in a state of wonderment, thinking this might be the most christmas'y moment of my holiday season.
my stepfather wasn't pleased but my mom played and sang the whole song! it was a truly awesome moment.
here's the thing.... i fucking love nirvana. one of my top favorites of all time, and when i was a teenager, nirvana was the end all, be all. and when i was a runt of a teen, pissed off at everything for no good reason at all, i went all grunge. and that was it. i'd blast nirvana in my bedroom and there was something about it that just made me feel awesome. and part of that awesomeness was the whole, 'the world don't understand this' attitude.
and i'd never think my mom would get it.
but my mom's cool. she didn't listen to it back then which is probably for the best cuz that's a big part of how i defined myself as a young person. but now that i'm older and over stuff like that (not allowing myself to like what my parents like and vice versa), it's sorta amazing and awesome to me that my mom is the proud owner of a nirvana cd and sings along to it.
rock on mom.
she hasn't always known the words. this is a new development. i found out on christmas eve. i borrowed my mom's car and noticed that she had a nirvana greatest hits collection cd. so i popped it in the player and left it in there when i was done. later that night my mom was driving me and my girlfriend home with my stepfather in shotgun.
she lets a couple of songs from the nirvana cd play and doesn't say anything relating to the music. at some point my stepfather made a comment about the music playing (my step dad didn't dig the sound). he said something like (if i may paraphrase here), "what is this? blow it out your asshole."
my mom, who has a tendency to be a ball buster, says, 'oh yea?' and turns it up. that's when my attention from the back seat perked up... my stepfather not liking nirvana... totally predictable. my mom defending it and turning it up though, fuckin a! go mom!
my step dad kept complaining. and my mom then says, "what you don't like that? watch i'm gonna sing it now too. i'll put my favorite song on." she then skips tracks till 'lithium' is blaring through the car and my mom starts singing and then my girlfriend starts singing and i just sat there in a state of wonderment, thinking this might be the most christmas'y moment of my holiday season.
my stepfather wasn't pleased but my mom played and sang the whole song! it was a truly awesome moment.
here's the thing.... i fucking love nirvana. one of my top favorites of all time, and when i was a teenager, nirvana was the end all, be all. and when i was a runt of a teen, pissed off at everything for no good reason at all, i went all grunge. and that was it. i'd blast nirvana in my bedroom and there was something about it that just made me feel awesome. and part of that awesomeness was the whole, 'the world don't understand this' attitude.
and i'd never think my mom would get it.
but my mom's cool. she didn't listen to it back then which is probably for the best cuz that's a big part of how i defined myself as a young person. but now that i'm older and over stuff like that (not allowing myself to like what my parents like and vice versa), it's sorta amazing and awesome to me that my mom is the proud owner of a nirvana cd and sings along to it.
rock on mom.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
happy birthday stan lee (this is for all the people who's birthdays are outshined by christmas)
today is stan lee's birthday. dude's a legend. pretty much everyone knows who he is, what he's done, and is a fan of at least one of his many superheroes or super villains.
stan lee, like many people, has a birthday extremely close to christmas. i myself suffer from a birthday who's spotlight is somewhat dimmed by the awesomeness that is christmas. it's tough to have a birthday within days of christmas, especially as a child. there's not much a parent can do to make you feel like you got a fair shake in life. your birthday and all aspects of it will be overshadowed by christmas.
your gifts will be of a lesser value. people have less money to spend on you. your parties will be lamer. people have other places to be since the holidays are filled with so many obligations. the energy will be drained to some extent. it's impossible to avoid this since christmas sucks the life force out of all things that dare gather near it.
so it seems like a total bummer but it doesn't have to be. and stan lee is a great example of this. sure his birthdays were lamer... so he probably got lamer toys and had lamer times. but this gave his imagination more room to grow. it wasn't stunted by all of the usual spoiling that comes with a birthday. stan lee may have had less fun because of this outside his mind, but no one could control what was going on inside his mind.
and look what the inside of his mind has delivered to the world. merry fucking christmas and happy fucking birthday to all forever cuz stan lee is the reason for marvel comics. i feel it'd be a total waste to try and even quantify the epicness of that kinda contribution to mankind.
so if you suffer from a birthday that is drowned out by christmas, try and see this as an opportunity to put your focus elsewhere. if the whole world won't stop to notice your anniversary on earth, start planting seeds that grow into trees that eventually create a forest that is impossible for the world to ignore...
...stan lee did.
stan lee, like many people, has a birthday extremely close to christmas. i myself suffer from a birthday who's spotlight is somewhat dimmed by the awesomeness that is christmas. it's tough to have a birthday within days of christmas, especially as a child. there's not much a parent can do to make you feel like you got a fair shake in life. your birthday and all aspects of it will be overshadowed by christmas.
your gifts will be of a lesser value. people have less money to spend on you. your parties will be lamer. people have other places to be since the holidays are filled with so many obligations. the energy will be drained to some extent. it's impossible to avoid this since christmas sucks the life force out of all things that dare gather near it.
so it seems like a total bummer but it doesn't have to be. and stan lee is a great example of this. sure his birthdays were lamer... so he probably got lamer toys and had lamer times. but this gave his imagination more room to grow. it wasn't stunted by all of the usual spoiling that comes with a birthday. stan lee may have had less fun because of this outside his mind, but no one could control what was going on inside his mind.
and look what the inside of his mind has delivered to the world. merry fucking christmas and happy fucking birthday to all forever cuz stan lee is the reason for marvel comics. i feel it'd be a total waste to try and even quantify the epicness of that kinda contribution to mankind.
so if you suffer from a birthday that is drowned out by christmas, try and see this as an opportunity to put your focus elsewhere. if the whole world won't stop to notice your anniversary on earth, start planting seeds that grow into trees that eventually create a forest that is impossible for the world to ignore...
...stan lee did.
Monday, December 26, 2011
cheating on sobriety
i did it again last night. i cheated on sobriety.
some time around late july, i decided to go sober... and it lasted for a while, 3 months and 3 days to be exact. then i went on vacation with some friends to austin, tx where we threw more beers back than i could ever hope to keep count of. that was my first full on affair outside of my relationship with sobriety.
and y'know what? it was fucking fun! probably as much fun as cheating on your significant other for 6 days without any repercussions while your closest friends gather around you and chant, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!'
when i came back from texas, i felt like i had sowed my wild oats and would come back ready to embrace a deep and meaningful relationship with sobriety once more. there was even a part of me that rationalized that i had never broken my sober streak on jersey soil... that was all in a land far away and had nothing to do with me any longer.
so i went for a few weeks... and then thanksgiving eve happened...
thanksgiving eve is a high holiday for drinkers. it's practically as or maybe even more important than thanksgiving itself. it's that one night where EVERY single drunk you know has no reason to wake up early tomorrow (after all, it's not the drunks that wake up early and prepare the turkey dinner). drunks from all around flood the bars where shots are flowing, music is blaring, conversations are never ending.... it may be pound for pound the finest night of the year to be a drunk.
i meant well before this date approached... i wasn't gonna partake in thanksgiving eve shenanigans... but life happened... something pissed me off and i couldn't help myself.. there i was on thanksgiving eve and sobriety had let me down... of all fucking nights.... fuck you sobriety! i decided i was gonna go cheat on her ass on the best night to do it.
and since then the drinking's been a little more frequent. i came into december feeling festive cuz it's my birthday month and for some reason getting older puts me in a really good mood. so i found myself every so often dipping into bars with friends and having a few.
the biggest orgy i had behind sobriety's back was my 32nd birthday party. that was a gang bang of yeungling and shots of whiskey. no regrets.. i had an awesome time... but goddamn, of all the night i ever cheated on sobriety, that was the most epic cheating i accomplished.
so last night i cheated on sobriety once more. me and a friend co-hosted our weekly open mic but this was different from any other week... this was christmas! there were way more people than usual and everyone was in a great mood. that shit was infectious! if they're all having so much fun cheating on sobriety, why not me as well? and there i was cheating again and having a hell of a time doing it.
but just like cheating, there's a big downside. cheating on sobriety is really fun while you're doing it. in the moment, while it's happening, there is nothing else i'd rather be doing that boozing it up. it's a ton of fun to forget about sobriety and have at it. but the next day always comes with some form of regret.
sobriety feels good.... it does.. this is no bullshit... but it only starts feeling really good when you rack up a bunch of sober days in a row. you start to feel the cobwebs in your mind go away. you feel healthier, more energetic, more vibrant. this is real shit that i've experienced. but it only comes with time and it gets better as more time passes.
and the moment you fuck that streak up and drink, you throw the whole damn thing out the window. today, like many days after cheating on sobriety, i woke up with a headache. i felt nauseous. i slept tons and yet all i wanted to do was sleep some more. every time i cheat on sobriety, i find myself throwing a good part of the next day away like it means nothing. fuck sunlight. i won't know what outside feels like till sometime beyond sunset.
and did i really spend that much money? fuck! cheating on sobriety is expensive! i really could've used some extra money... cuz when i'm with sobriety, i find i suddenly have more money and it's kinda nice to have some extra money cuz sometimes i can use it to buy stuff for me that's important... like clothes and rent.
don't get me wrong, i'm not gonna be out on the street next month... but i might have to make due with that pair of jeans with the hole in it out a little bit longer before i have some extra cash to replace it.
to each their own. i don't wanna tell anyone else how to run their life. sobriety's not for everybody. but after getting to know her, i really like who she is and i'd really like to try and get to know her even better and maybe even try and take this relationship to the next level.
i just gotta gotta stop letting that sexy bitch booze distract me. why does she gotta be so much fun?
some time around late july, i decided to go sober... and it lasted for a while, 3 months and 3 days to be exact. then i went on vacation with some friends to austin, tx where we threw more beers back than i could ever hope to keep count of. that was my first full on affair outside of my relationship with sobriety.
and y'know what? it was fucking fun! probably as much fun as cheating on your significant other for 6 days without any repercussions while your closest friends gather around you and chant, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!'
when i came back from texas, i felt like i had sowed my wild oats and would come back ready to embrace a deep and meaningful relationship with sobriety once more. there was even a part of me that rationalized that i had never broken my sober streak on jersey soil... that was all in a land far away and had nothing to do with me any longer.
so i went for a few weeks... and then thanksgiving eve happened...
thanksgiving eve is a high holiday for drinkers. it's practically as or maybe even more important than thanksgiving itself. it's that one night where EVERY single drunk you know has no reason to wake up early tomorrow (after all, it's not the drunks that wake up early and prepare the turkey dinner). drunks from all around flood the bars where shots are flowing, music is blaring, conversations are never ending.... it may be pound for pound the finest night of the year to be a drunk.
i meant well before this date approached... i wasn't gonna partake in thanksgiving eve shenanigans... but life happened... something pissed me off and i couldn't help myself.. there i was on thanksgiving eve and sobriety had let me down... of all fucking nights.... fuck you sobriety! i decided i was gonna go cheat on her ass on the best night to do it.
and since then the drinking's been a little more frequent. i came into december feeling festive cuz it's my birthday month and for some reason getting older puts me in a really good mood. so i found myself every so often dipping into bars with friends and having a few.
the biggest orgy i had behind sobriety's back was my 32nd birthday party. that was a gang bang of yeungling and shots of whiskey. no regrets.. i had an awesome time... but goddamn, of all the night i ever cheated on sobriety, that was the most epic cheating i accomplished.
so last night i cheated on sobriety once more. me and a friend co-hosted our weekly open mic but this was different from any other week... this was christmas! there were way more people than usual and everyone was in a great mood. that shit was infectious! if they're all having so much fun cheating on sobriety, why not me as well? and there i was cheating again and having a hell of a time doing it.
but just like cheating, there's a big downside. cheating on sobriety is really fun while you're doing it. in the moment, while it's happening, there is nothing else i'd rather be doing that boozing it up. it's a ton of fun to forget about sobriety and have at it. but the next day always comes with some form of regret.
sobriety feels good.... it does.. this is no bullshit... but it only starts feeling really good when you rack up a bunch of sober days in a row. you start to feel the cobwebs in your mind go away. you feel healthier, more energetic, more vibrant. this is real shit that i've experienced. but it only comes with time and it gets better as more time passes.
and the moment you fuck that streak up and drink, you throw the whole damn thing out the window. today, like many days after cheating on sobriety, i woke up with a headache. i felt nauseous. i slept tons and yet all i wanted to do was sleep some more. every time i cheat on sobriety, i find myself throwing a good part of the next day away like it means nothing. fuck sunlight. i won't know what outside feels like till sometime beyond sunset.
and did i really spend that much money? fuck! cheating on sobriety is expensive! i really could've used some extra money... cuz when i'm with sobriety, i find i suddenly have more money and it's kinda nice to have some extra money cuz sometimes i can use it to buy stuff for me that's important... like clothes and rent.
don't get me wrong, i'm not gonna be out on the street next month... but i might have to make due with that pair of jeans with the hole in it out a little bit longer before i have some extra cash to replace it.
to each their own. i don't wanna tell anyone else how to run their life. sobriety's not for everybody. but after getting to know her, i really like who she is and i'd really like to try and get to know her even better and maybe even try and take this relationship to the next level.
i just gotta gotta stop letting that sexy bitch booze distract me. why does she gotta be so much fun?
Saturday, December 24, 2011
santa is proof that kids are dumb
SPOILER ALERT!!! DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS READ THIS!
kids of the world should be uniting as one to look for proof as to whether or not santa exists. instead the long standing fable of santa stands as proof that most kids are dumb.
i hear kids ask tons of questions, the most popular one being, "why?" so how are they not able to break down the improbable logistics of a man flying all around the world on a magical sleigh in one night?
no self respecting person of intelligence would buy this ridiculous story. you can sell stupid people some silly bullshit, but even this is a bit much for the common dumbass to buy. i'm willing to say if you found the dumbest adult in all the land, you'd have a hard time convincing him/her that santa is real.
so by that logic, any kid who believes in santa is dumber than the dumbest adult that refuses to believe in santa. i know, i know, it's fun to lie to your children and it fills them with so much joy. so let's keep fueling this charade for the sake of your kids' joy.
but while your kids are enjoying those precious moments of gift opening and gift appreciation, please consider the following:
i'm not even sure where all this santa business started... i'm sure i can google it and find out... but i'm not interested in that. what i am interested in is why do parents insist on breaking their own backs to earn money to spoil the fuck out of their children and then not at least take the credit they deserve for it? why all this exerted effort just to give the credit to someone that doesn't exist? your children can't even appreciate how much you care cuz you decided to defer that sorta adulation to an invisible hero.
i don't wanna come across as some bah humbug christmas killer. i don't think taking santa out of christmas would destroy christmas. if anything, it might make it even better for both child and parent.
so in a way, not only does the idea of santa make kids look dumb, but parents as well.
ho, ho, ho! merry christmas from @joshaintfunny mofo's!!
kids of the world should be uniting as one to look for proof as to whether or not santa exists. instead the long standing fable of santa stands as proof that most kids are dumb.
i hear kids ask tons of questions, the most popular one being, "why?" so how are they not able to break down the improbable logistics of a man flying all around the world on a magical sleigh in one night?
no self respecting person of intelligence would buy this ridiculous story. you can sell stupid people some silly bullshit, but even this is a bit much for the common dumbass to buy. i'm willing to say if you found the dumbest adult in all the land, you'd have a hard time convincing him/her that santa is real.
so by that logic, any kid who believes in santa is dumber than the dumbest adult that refuses to believe in santa. i know, i know, it's fun to lie to your children and it fills them with so much joy. so let's keep fueling this charade for the sake of your kids' joy.
but while your kids are enjoying those precious moments of gift opening and gift appreciation, please consider the following:
i'm not even sure where all this santa business started... i'm sure i can google it and find out... but i'm not interested in that. what i am interested in is why do parents insist on breaking their own backs to earn money to spoil the fuck out of their children and then not at least take the credit they deserve for it? why all this exerted effort just to give the credit to someone that doesn't exist? your children can't even appreciate how much you care cuz you decided to defer that sorta adulation to an invisible hero.
i don't wanna come across as some bah humbug christmas killer. i don't think taking santa out of christmas would destroy christmas. if anything, it might make it even better for both child and parent.
so in a way, not only does the idea of santa make kids look dumb, but parents as well.
ho, ho, ho! merry christmas from @joshaintfunny mofo's!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
the nice guy paradox
i wanna be a nice guy. sometimes that's all i strive to be, is just a nice dude. seems simple enough and in some simplistic way, i'll think that maybe just being a nice dude is all i need to do... that the benefits of being a nice dude will carry me through life and all will be well.
but it's impossible to be a nice dude all the time, and for many reasons.
nice guys get fucked over a lot. and this ain't no emo rant about girls breaking my heart. it's so much more than that. this world has got the capacity to be cruel... or maybe not even cruel, just emotionally vacant. whatever makes hurricanes and earthquakes happen has something to do with nature. it's like nature can be the cruelest force known to us but it's not purposely being cruel, that's just nature being its neutral self. it doesn't have a score to settle. it doesn't get angered, and in a fit decides to do awful things to people. it just is. and that's it.
and this force runs everything else in the world. it doesn't think. it just does. and that's a lot to handle if you're a nice guy. bad things are going to happen. you can be as nice as you want. you can be the nicest dude in the world and live next door to the world's biggest asshole, and if a tornado comes your way, that tornado will in no way judge you both as people and act accordingly. that tornado just might trash your house as your asshole neighbor points and laughs. there's nothing, no epic amount of niceness, that can stop this from happening.
and that's discouraging. sure it's cool to be nice just for the sake of being nice... but i think a lot of being nice is cuz people like it when other people are nice to them... y'know the whole golden rule thing.
but there's too many things beyond our control and no matter what kind of person you are, you're gonna find yourself on the receiving end of a lot of shit that you in no way deserve.
and then there's assholes... assholes purposely fuck over nice guys. bullies steal milk money and in most cases it's a nice dude who's giving up that milk money. being nice sorta makes you a mark. many of your bosses, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, enemies, and everyone else in between will usually find some way to fuck you over, and it's usually to their own benefit.
this is where a lot of nice guys go asshole. me personally, i feel like i gotta put a little asshole out there in the world. it's nothing personal. it's the only way i can put a defense up that says, "HEY, DON'T FUCK WITH ME!"
and here's where the paradox starts setting in deep. i don't like when people are assholes towards me... but then again i sorta understand cuz maybe under that asshole-ness is a nice guy who's trying to fight off a world that loves to fuck him over.
but i hate when people aren't nice. anyone who isn't nice leaves me wondering, "what the fuck is their problem?" and then all of the sudden i'm reflecting negatively on them and suddenly, just like that, i've lost all my niceness for the moment.
i'd love to say why can't we all just be nice and get along and whatnot... but i don't think shit will ever work like that. if 6 billion people all agreed to be nice to each other all the time, eventually some asshole would come along and take advantage of that... and they'd keep taking advantage of that until all the nice people stopped being so fucking nice.
i don't know.... i hate to say you shouldn't be a nice guy... cuz when it comes to enjoying life, nobody likes an asshole... so you should try to not be an asshole.. but eventually you will be cuz if you're not, someone's gonna try to steal your milk money.
but it's impossible to be a nice dude all the time, and for many reasons.
nice guys get fucked over a lot. and this ain't no emo rant about girls breaking my heart. it's so much more than that. this world has got the capacity to be cruel... or maybe not even cruel, just emotionally vacant. whatever makes hurricanes and earthquakes happen has something to do with nature. it's like nature can be the cruelest force known to us but it's not purposely being cruel, that's just nature being its neutral self. it doesn't have a score to settle. it doesn't get angered, and in a fit decides to do awful things to people. it just is. and that's it.
and this force runs everything else in the world. it doesn't think. it just does. and that's a lot to handle if you're a nice guy. bad things are going to happen. you can be as nice as you want. you can be the nicest dude in the world and live next door to the world's biggest asshole, and if a tornado comes your way, that tornado will in no way judge you both as people and act accordingly. that tornado just might trash your house as your asshole neighbor points and laughs. there's nothing, no epic amount of niceness, that can stop this from happening.
and that's discouraging. sure it's cool to be nice just for the sake of being nice... but i think a lot of being nice is cuz people like it when other people are nice to them... y'know the whole golden rule thing.
but there's too many things beyond our control and no matter what kind of person you are, you're gonna find yourself on the receiving end of a lot of shit that you in no way deserve.
and then there's assholes... assholes purposely fuck over nice guys. bullies steal milk money and in most cases it's a nice dude who's giving up that milk money. being nice sorta makes you a mark. many of your bosses, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, enemies, and everyone else in between will usually find some way to fuck you over, and it's usually to their own benefit.
this is where a lot of nice guys go asshole. me personally, i feel like i gotta put a little asshole out there in the world. it's nothing personal. it's the only way i can put a defense up that says, "HEY, DON'T FUCK WITH ME!"
and here's where the paradox starts setting in deep. i don't like when people are assholes towards me... but then again i sorta understand cuz maybe under that asshole-ness is a nice guy who's trying to fight off a world that loves to fuck him over.
but i hate when people aren't nice. anyone who isn't nice leaves me wondering, "what the fuck is their problem?" and then all of the sudden i'm reflecting negatively on them and suddenly, just like that, i've lost all my niceness for the moment.
i'd love to say why can't we all just be nice and get along and whatnot... but i don't think shit will ever work like that. if 6 billion people all agreed to be nice to each other all the time, eventually some asshole would come along and take advantage of that... and they'd keep taking advantage of that until all the nice people stopped being so fucking nice.
i don't know.... i hate to say you shouldn't be a nice guy... cuz when it comes to enjoying life, nobody likes an asshole... so you should try to not be an asshole.. but eventually you will be cuz if you're not, someone's gonna try to steal your milk money.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
observations about life on the eve of my 32nd birthday
today's been a bit of an off day.
i had to go to court for the whole brooklyn bridge incident (i was part of a mass arrest on the brooklyn bridge a few months back with the 'occupy wall st.' movement). i had to take a day off of work to go. i get there only to find out that the cop who filled out my summons wrote the wrong time. he wrote 2pm and it was supposed to be at 9am. the judge in charge of the case left for the day and i was told i'd have to go back first thing tomorrow, in the AM.
so that means i'll have to miss more work (i'll have to go in late, i can't really take another full day off of work) and i have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn (5:30am) to make this shit happen.
the whole thing sucks. and i was pissed about it. but a few hours have passed and i'm over it now. there's a fucked up lesson in here somewhere.
the thing is, shit ain't perfect. the world's an imperfect place that will never stop throwing obstacles in my direction, no matter how well i plan things out. it's little shit like this that keeps me on my toes. does it suck? yes. but it's just another opportunity to prove that i know how to suck it up and deal with it.
that's what life is. deal with it. constantly. moments of pure rest are few and far between. no use crying about it either. that'll just make shit worse. jump the hurdle, finish the race, and get back to training for the next one.
cuz if you're not being challenged by life, what are you doing? are you really living if you're constantly on easy street? if you're not overcoming problems how can you put any real value on anything of substance in life? shitty situations help teach us how to appreciate the good stuff in life.
so cancel the pity parade cuz it's the lamest parade in town.
and now that you've done that and stopped being a total mope about everything, now you can fucking enjoy stuff! you see how that works?
yea stuff sucks, the world sucks, and it's all rigged against you. but knowing that, how much more awesome does that make it when you are actually having a good time? whether it's time with friends and/or family or pursuing whatever hobby it is you like to pursue, how great is it to be able to know that you've successfully dealt with enough bullshit for the time being that you can now kick back and enjoy life?
that's how i see it anyways... i don't think you can enjoy life much until you deal with all the bullshit in front of you first. deal with that, get it over and done with, and now you can party or do whatever it is you do to have a good time.
and when you do party, party hard motherfucker! i think everyone sets their own parameters for what a good time is. so go out and chase that good time while you can. don't let anyone else tell you what is or isn't fun. just go get after it.
that's life.... bullshit + cool shit. that's about it. deal with one, enjoy the other.
and if that's not good enough for you, just be glad you're not dead. you got all of eternity to go be dead. do the right thing and live up the space of time you've for some crazy, unknown reason been given to occupy. occupy it right.
also:
don't be a baby.
don't be an asshole.
don't be a douchebag.
cuz all 3 options above are pitiful ways to spend your time and you're only causing yourself a disservice by following any of these paths.
i had to go to court for the whole brooklyn bridge incident (i was part of a mass arrest on the brooklyn bridge a few months back with the 'occupy wall st.' movement). i had to take a day off of work to go. i get there only to find out that the cop who filled out my summons wrote the wrong time. he wrote 2pm and it was supposed to be at 9am. the judge in charge of the case left for the day and i was told i'd have to go back first thing tomorrow, in the AM.
so that means i'll have to miss more work (i'll have to go in late, i can't really take another full day off of work) and i have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn (5:30am) to make this shit happen.
the whole thing sucks. and i was pissed about it. but a few hours have passed and i'm over it now. there's a fucked up lesson in here somewhere.
the thing is, shit ain't perfect. the world's an imperfect place that will never stop throwing obstacles in my direction, no matter how well i plan things out. it's little shit like this that keeps me on my toes. does it suck? yes. but it's just another opportunity to prove that i know how to suck it up and deal with it.
that's what life is. deal with it. constantly. moments of pure rest are few and far between. no use crying about it either. that'll just make shit worse. jump the hurdle, finish the race, and get back to training for the next one.
cuz if you're not being challenged by life, what are you doing? are you really living if you're constantly on easy street? if you're not overcoming problems how can you put any real value on anything of substance in life? shitty situations help teach us how to appreciate the good stuff in life.
so cancel the pity parade cuz it's the lamest parade in town.
and now that you've done that and stopped being a total mope about everything, now you can fucking enjoy stuff! you see how that works?
yea stuff sucks, the world sucks, and it's all rigged against you. but knowing that, how much more awesome does that make it when you are actually having a good time? whether it's time with friends and/or family or pursuing whatever hobby it is you like to pursue, how great is it to be able to know that you've successfully dealt with enough bullshit for the time being that you can now kick back and enjoy life?
that's how i see it anyways... i don't think you can enjoy life much until you deal with all the bullshit in front of you first. deal with that, get it over and done with, and now you can party or do whatever it is you do to have a good time.
and when you do party, party hard motherfucker! i think everyone sets their own parameters for what a good time is. so go out and chase that good time while you can. don't let anyone else tell you what is or isn't fun. just go get after it.
that's life.... bullshit + cool shit. that's about it. deal with one, enjoy the other.
and if that's not good enough for you, just be glad you're not dead. you got all of eternity to go be dead. do the right thing and live up the space of time you've for some crazy, unknown reason been given to occupy. occupy it right.
also:
don't be a baby.
don't be an asshole.
don't be a douchebag.
cuz all 3 options above are pitiful ways to spend your time and you're only causing yourself a disservice by following any of these paths.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
internet pirates are ruining everything
i get how internet pirating can be seen as wrong. someone somewhere is putting a lot of work into a product and in return they would like some money. most wanna make a career out of it and live off their craft.
but pirating was gonna happen. with the advancement of technology, eventually those who find themselves in financially tougher places were gonna find a way to get it all for free. that doesn't make it right, but the world in principle ain't right and artists of all ilk should have seen this coming many miles away.
you can blame it on napster. but if there were no napster, someone else would've came along and figured it out. it was all just a matter of time.
a lot of the blame should go to the companies that distribute the goods. the corporations in control of your art got greedy (as many corporations are known to do).
nobody wants to pay $20 for a cd. nobody. i know so many people gotta get paid per album... but you should've figured out something. your business plan was flawed. many times we found ourselves burdened with an album full of garbage tracks except for maybe 1 or 2 gems that you jammed down our throats via radio and mtv. i give a lot of props to all those artists who put out quality records, but you were the minority. the majority of crap that surrounded you was too much to behold. we would only put up with it for so long.
so doesn't it make sense that when mp3's first burst onto the scene, one of the neater things about it was that you could go grab that one song you heard on the radio 430 times and forget about the burden of the rest of an album that you'd only suffer through once or twice?
plus, cd's were crap. they always ended up scratched up and unplayable. the sound quality was better than cassette, but you needed much more than a pen to save a cd once it was too far gone.
then there's movies. everyone knows going to the movies is a fucking rip off. most of us do it cuz it's nice to get out and do something and see something cool... but don't think we don't burn just a little every time we purchase a ticket for $10-$15. and then there's the refreshments.... $4, $5 for fucking soda!!!! $4 for some m and m's. what the fuck were you thinking? how can we not be just a little tempted to look through the stack of $5 bootlegs the dude at the laundromat is waving in our faces?
and now tv's have caught up and in some ways surpassed the movie going experience. you fucked up hollywood. i got a $5 bootleg and a whole damn box of microwave popcorn that costed me $3. that's cheaper than what it cost me to simply walk through your front door....
......and then when we get to the theater you have the audacity to show us commercials!!! you're taking money from other companies to waste our precious time all in the name of the bottom line.....
.....assholes!
cable prices are way out of control. we all love the 3 for (insert good price here) bundles... but after a year the prices go up and sooner or later we find ourselves $100 short on rent and figure, 'fuck it, the cable's gotta go.'
the point is that the companies that are in charge of putting your art in front of us got greedy. you can only get so greedy until it becomes your downfall. people pirating your stuff.... it's not personal.... it is an 'us against them' thing... but you're not the them. you're just a victim of the fallout.
hopefully this will lead to more indie releasing in the future. i'd like to see people's creations be delivered to the people at a much more affordable price. i'd love to buy a record if it cost me $5. i'd love to go to the movies more often if $10 got me a movie and a snack. i'd buy more books if i didn't feel like an asshole cuz i know i'm paying $25 for something i'm only gonna go through once.
and artists, you gotta hit the road more. take your stuff on tour. bring it to the people. we'll pay ticket prices to see you in person (although i can rant on about ticketmaster convenience charge fees, but i've probably covered that in at least 3 blog posts before). i'll go to your concert and buy your shirt cuz it's cooler to get the shirt at the show. give me an experience and i'll be more easily convinced to part ways with my money.
and i wanna feel bad... but when i gotta wake up everyday to do something that i don't feel passionate about, it's hard to have any empathy at all. i'd trade it all in for a chance to go on the road and let people hear what i gotta say... even if all my recorded product went bootleg... in fact that would just give me more incentive to hit the road longer and harder. i know shit ain't easy and i have no idea what i'm talking about... but i also know most artists who feel like they're getting ripped off by pirates wouldn't trade their life in for mine.
and don't give me this, 'we're all gonna regret when people don't have any culture anymore,' bs. money's not the only reason people create culture. i write this shit down for free. i write it for free now, i'll write it for free tomorrow, and when your whole system comes crashing down and you decide, 'fuck it, i don't wanna create no more cuz i'm not getting paid,' i'll still be writing this blog for free.
at the worst, you'd have to get a job like the rest of us and create on the side. i can't feel bad for you cuz that's how i live my life.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
go to your room
that's what i used to do in my younger days when i needed sanctuary. usually i'd hang around by myself listening to music. this was my getaway. this was my fortress of solitude. if the world couldn't find me, that'd be alright... i had sublime and red hot chili peppers to keep me company.
i miss that part of being young... the simplicity of laying around my room and listening to music and nothing else... not multitasking it with everything else.... not only listening to music on the go through headphones as i go about the business of an average day in my life.
i just wanna lay around and listen to records. is that so wrong?
i wanna ignore the world around me for a while.... ignore the cell phone, and the facebook, and the ever growing to-do list that will keep on growing larger if i don't start getting to it. sorry cats, sorry friends, sorry family, sorry girlfriend.... you'll all have to fend for yourselves for a few hours. i'm sure you'll do fine without me. and besides, you'll have a new and improved, refreshed and rebooted josh if i could just allow myself the simple fucking pleasure of laying around my bedroom and listening to records... and THAT'S IT! nothing more, nothing less....
i need to hear new shit i don't know about. i need to hear old shit that i know by heart. i need to dance and thrash and play my air guitar and scream lyrics in my tone def style all by myself. i need to invite myself to this 1 person listening party..... elite vip list... you're not on it, can't get on it... but you should probably go and throw your own awesome 1 person listening party in your room.
when did listening to music stop being enough for me? when did it become another thing that had to be multitasked and thrown into the mix with everything else? i love music and lately i've abused it. i haven't appreciated music for what it is on its own.
if you can't find me and see no trace of me for a minute, don't be too concerned. just hope that i've finally done the right thing.... shut the rest of the world off for a bit so i can go to my room and listen to music.
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