josh's "how-to get over chicks" guide

this is my how-to guide on how to get over chicks. you know, the ones you date, then find yourself single but still thinking about them all the time. fuck that shit! i have the cure!

before i start though, i'd like to mention that there's one fool proof way that's even better than my "how-to" guide. it's the ol' cliche, "the only way to get over someone old is to get under someone new."

it's true, try it. guaranteed.

ok, here goes.

what you gotta do is make a list of all the con's about the ex girlfriend. ladies, you can do the same thing, just y'know, make it about the ex boyfriend (or x girlfriend or whatever you're into).

so yeah, think of all the awful shit about them that makes them suck as a human being. the best part is everyone has a little suck in them, so this method applies to ALL people.

if you still need help, i've gone ahead and made an example list of my own. this list is generic and not about anyone specific, i swear. and if you don't agree, then you're vain, or your self esteem sucks, or you know someone that actually qualifies for all the shit on this list.

1- she's fat
2- she's ugly
3- her mom's a bitch
4- she has no car
5- she smells
6- she's boring
7- she sucks in bed
8- she's a slut
9- she's conceited
10- she's snotty
11- she's a snob
12- she's too sassy
13- she's mean
14- she's really mean
15- she's a mean, cruel bitch
16- she has a child
17- her child sucks
18- her child's my age
19- she has two children
20- she has two children with two baby dadies.
21- she's poor
22- she's rude
23- she's stupid
24- she has bad taste in everything
25- I MEAN EVERYTHING!!!
26- she talks during movies
27- she unabashedly farts in public
28- she beats me
29- her friends suck
30- she makes you hang out with them constantly
31- she thinks you're dumb, but really, you're smarter than she is
32- she belittles you in public constantly
33- she's always right
34- she's condescending
35- she doesn't listen
36- her cooking sucks
37- she only stays with you until she finds someone better
38- she hates everything you think is awesome
39- she doesn't eat meat
40- she's a buzkill
41- she dominates the tv
42- she buys you awful clothes you hate
43- she forgets your birthday
44- she forgets your birthday and comes home drunk after a night of partying with her ex boyfriend who she's suddenly best friends with
45- she wants to fuck your friends
46- she likes nascar
47- she never shuts up
48- she doesn't know what she's talking about
49- she's a liar
50- she's a kleptomaniac
51- she's a pyromaniac
52- she's a schizophrenic, multiple personality havin, bipolar disaster
53- she loves drugs, the harder the better
54- you ruin everything and are the root cause for all things bad
55- she hates your friends
56- but really only because your friends are more awesome than hers
57- she's hairy
58- she thinks she's such a great singer
59- she's an awful singer
60- she mentioned threesome that one time, but she meant with another dude, not another chick
61- she kisses like a hose beast
62- she does a lot of things like a hose beast
63- you suspect she's more hose beast than human
64- she's constantly nagging or complaining
65- she doesn't know how to smile
66- and she really hates to see you smile
67- she snores
68- loud
69- she hates beer
70- she hates beef jerky
71- she hates greasy food
72- she hates sports



see! easy stuff! who wouldn't be over her after all that!

now get out there and get over that ex.