cheating on sobriety

i did it again last night. i cheated on sobriety.

some time around late july, i decided to go sober... and it lasted for a while, 3 months and 3 days to be exact. then i went on vacation with some friends to austin, tx where we threw more beers back than i could ever hope to keep count of. that was my first full on affair outside of my relationship with sobriety.

and y'know what? it was fucking fun! probably as much fun as cheating on your significant other for 6 days without any repercussions while your closest friends gather around you and chant, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!'

when i came back from texas, i felt like i had sowed my wild oats and would come back ready to embrace a deep and meaningful relationship with sobriety once more. there was even a part of me that rationalized that i had never broken my sober streak on jersey soil... that was all in a land far away and had nothing to do with me any longer.

so i went for a few weeks... and then thanksgiving eve happened...

thanksgiving eve is a high holiday for drinkers. it's practically as or maybe even more important than thanksgiving itself. it's that one night where EVERY single drunk you know has no reason to wake up early tomorrow (after all, it's not the drunks that wake up early and prepare the turkey dinner). drunks from all around flood the bars where shots are flowing, music is blaring, conversations are never ending.... it may be pound for pound the finest night of the year to be a drunk.

i meant well before this date approached... i wasn't gonna partake in thanksgiving eve shenanigans... but life happened... something pissed me off and i couldn't help myself.. there i was on thanksgiving eve and sobriety had let me down... of all fucking nights.... fuck you sobriety! i decided i was gonna go cheat on her ass on the best night to do it.

and since then the drinking's been a little more frequent. i came into december feeling festive cuz it's my birthday month and for some reason getting older puts me in a really good mood. so i found myself every so often dipping into bars with friends and having a few.

the biggest orgy i had behind sobriety's back was my 32nd birthday party. that was a gang bang of yeungling and shots of whiskey. no regrets.. i had an awesome time... but goddamn, of all the night i ever cheated on sobriety, that was the most epic cheating i accomplished.

so last night i cheated on sobriety once more. me and a friend co-hosted our weekly open mic but this was different from any other week... this was christmas! there were way more people than usual and everyone was in a great mood. that shit was infectious! if they're all having so much fun cheating on sobriety, why not me as well? and there i was cheating again and having a hell of a time doing it.

but just like cheating, there's a big downside. cheating on sobriety is really fun while you're doing it. in the moment, while it's happening, there is nothing else i'd rather be doing that boozing it up. it's a ton of fun to forget about sobriety and have at it. but the next day always comes with some form of regret.

sobriety feels good.... it does.. this is no bullshit... but it only starts feeling really good when you rack up a bunch of sober days in a row. you start to feel the cobwebs in your mind go away. you feel healthier, more energetic, more vibrant. this is real shit that i've experienced. but it only comes with time and it gets better as more time passes.

and the moment you fuck that streak up and drink, you throw the whole damn thing out the window. today, like many days after cheating on sobriety, i woke up with a headache. i felt nauseous. i slept tons and yet all i wanted to do was sleep some more. every time i cheat on sobriety, i find myself throwing a good part of the next day away like it means nothing. fuck sunlight. i won't know what outside feels like till sometime beyond sunset.

and did i really spend that much money? fuck! cheating on sobriety is expensive! i really could've used some extra money... cuz when i'm with sobriety, i find i suddenly have more money and it's kinda nice to have some extra money cuz sometimes i can use it to buy stuff for me that's important... like clothes and rent.

don't get me wrong, i'm not gonna be out on the street next month... but i might have to make due with that pair of jeans with the hole in it out a little bit longer before i have some extra cash to replace it.

to each their own. i don't wanna tell anyone else how to run their life. sobriety's not for everybody. but after getting to know her, i really like who she is and i'd really like to try and get to know her even better and maybe even try and take this relationship to the next level.

i just gotta gotta stop letting that sexy bitch booze distract me. why does she gotta be so much fun?