the lesson of 2011- donald trump is a douchebag

yea, i know....a lot of people were on to this long before 2011. but if we can all agree that the year 2011 taught us one thing, it's that donald trump is beyond all doubts a douchebag. he went far and wide and spoke loud and clear to get the message across to as many people as possible this year.

let's start with the basics.

he puts his name on EVERYTHING. it stretches way beyond buildings. if you want a bottle of water in one of his hotels, you have to drink it from a bottle that has a label with his name AND his stupid face on it.

his stupid fake hair. there might not be a possibly more famous fake hairdo than donald trump's. it's not the 800 lb gorilla in the room that no one will talk about. everyone's talking about it. and trump of all people has the money to do some real shit up there. many people lost their shirts in your casino this year. the least you can do is make your hair look somewhat more real with that money.

the hair thing leads me to believe either one of the following conclusions:

-everyone's talking about it. trump has to hear it. but trump disagrees. he obviously thinks it looks great. why else would he keep leaving his castle looking like that? (sure, it doesn't help that younger sex goddesses wanna get nasty with him... but c'mon... it's not him they're getting nasty with... it's the money.) i digress.... so the whole world could scream in unison, "YOUR HAIR SUCKS!!!" and trump, so convinced that he's right, would assume that anyone in disagreement with him, even if it is the entire fucking planet, is utterly and foolishly wrong.

-or maybe it's that trump just doesn't listen to other people speak. trump is never listening to anyone else. the only thing playing in his head is a constant inner monologue which i'm sure is mostly him telling himself how great he is. when anyone is talking to him, he's only waiting for his turn to speak... and usually willing to cut people off mid sentence to say what he has to say. he probably has little to no value of other people's opinion of him.

either way, he's a douche.

but beyond this, he stepped it up this year.

he told us all that there was a great chance he'd run for president this year. he made speeches and showed up on news and talk shows to discuss his platform.

he cried about obama's birth certificate. he cried so much about it that it fucking worked...the obama administration felt the pressure and caved and they released his birth certificate. this makes trump the king of the birther movement. and the birther movement is a movement full of douchebags essentially making trump some kinda 'king of the douchebags.'

he did all this presidential posing as his newest season of 'celebrity apprentice' was approaching. a few weeks before the show was to air, trump said, 'no thanks,' and bowed out from running for a position he had no interest in having in the first place. he made all this noise about maybe the most important job in the world, all in hopes that it would increase his viewership sunday nights on nbc.

since then he's lured republican hopefuls to his lair in new york for pre-packaged publicity stunts. like when trump took palin out for pizza so they could eat it with a knife and fork.

y'know who eats nyc pizza slices with a knife and fork? douchebags, that's who.

and a handful of republicans cave to this man. they show up and kiss his ring and dance his dance all in the hopes that trump will stand in their corner.

not satisfied with his public record on douchebaggery, trump decided he'd try to end the year with a bang and organized a republican debate that would be moderated by none other than donald trump. as if that wasn't enough, he said he'd think about endorsing "the winner," and if he didn't think there was a clear winner, he'd possibly consider running for president once more.

that was too much douchebaggery for most of the republican nominees (many of them being major douchebags themselves). most of them publicly declined trump's invitation for the debate. the whole idea lost all its steam. trump was forced to cancel.

since then i haven't seen or heard much of trump in the news. but i'm sure he's out there somewhere thinking up new schemes and ways to outdo and top himself and make sure that if anyone thought 2011 made trump look like a douchebag, we ain't seen nothing yet.