hammer (this is about the gov't shutdown)

when the government shuts down, i don't know if the politicians are becoming more disappointing over time or if they've always been this disappointing and the realization only becomes more obvious to me as i age. or maybe i'm disappointed in myself. i had to have some sorta expectations in place to set myself up to be disappointed in the first place. why did i aim so high? what makes me think they've ever really had our best interests in mind? why do i look to a body of government to conduct itself in a way that would improve the overall quality of life for everyone? sure, they're dysfunctional, but maybe i'm the one with the real issue here. maybe it's time i shut it down and stop waiting for a better tomorrow presented by the representatives we boldly voted into their positions.

burning deep inside of me is an idealistic kid who believes in a government that is of and for the people. this inner idealistic child thinks we're somehow capable to will this current form of government into that noble vision. with age, it's become more apparent that this is like cramming the square peg into the circle hole. but that inner child of mine screams out, "PICK UP A FUCKIN' HAMMER AND MAKE IT WORK!" i love that part of me... it's the part of me that still thinks that i and everyone else in this country can make a difference. all we have to do is pick up our hammers and start slamming away. that part of me thinks we can hammer our way into not just a better country but a better world as well. and the older me doesn't want that part of me to die.

sometimes it feels foolish to think this sorta stuff. but i won't let it go. it fuels me. if i ever put down my hammer and give up completely, i'd be disconnecting myself totally from passion and hope. i'd feel soulless and incomplete. so even if it takes the harsh realization that this government of ours has failed us time and time again, i won't let that completely beat me down. i won't totally give in. i owe it to myself to not give up.

cuz deep down this is more about me than anyone or anything else. this is about what i want and what i see fit for the world. and if i never get to see what i want come to pass, i have to go on at least convincing myself that i'm somehow bringing this whole shit show closer to my vision. and in the meantime, i'll try and curb my expectations. i'll try and keep in mind that for the most part, our government is run by very selfish people who stick to their own agenda and make no room for compromise. sure, that's a sloppy way to conduct business on a political level, but they are only human and subject to their own stupid, selfish desires.

and i'll keep my hammer in hand. i won't compromise that. i may never see the day when a square peg victoriously occupies a round space, but i'll keep on hammering till i can hammer no more.