a craving for silence

i developed an earache over this past weekend. the pain of which climaxed yesterday.... which is well timed. i had a busy weekend socially which included a wedding and barbecues to attend. as soon as monday (labor day, yesterday) came around, and i found myself with nothing to do all day, the pain shooting through my ear became unbearable. when i first woke up, i figured it'd die down eventually. but that didn't happen. a few hours into the day i cherished the fact that i had nothing to do and decided i would give it my best effort to make sure it stayed that way.

i stayed in. i watched a movie. as soon as the movie was over, i didn't wanna deal with anything anymore. i wanted complete silence. not just in hopes that silence would be a relief for my ear, but a relief from everything. it'd been a busy weekend and this was how it was all gonna come to an end. with this kinda pain, i just wanted to shut everything off.... the lights, the volume, you, me, and everything in the world.

i decided i'd sit in silence. i'd ignore my phone, stay off of facebook, ignore twitter, forget about the internet. i  wanted to write this yesterday, but i was too involved in my own personal vow of silence. i sat and contemplated and thought about what a relief it was to turn everything off. what a great break from everything. i usually try and live my life at breakneck speed. i'm no fan of peace and quiet. i usually crave some kinda noise at all times. i love everything to be loud. but here i was allowing myself to turn away from it all... to take a break. no running. no conversations. no critical thinking. nothing challenging.

i can't say i'm any better for the experience. but i figure everything can't be turned on bright and loud all the time. even though that's how i prefer things to be around me, just this one time, it was good to tell everything around me to fuck off and leave me alone. it was good to pull my own turtle in the shell, disappearing act. but being who i am, i can't stay in that place for too long. yesterday i had a craving for silence. it was fulfilled and today i woke up ready as usual to turn the volume up on everything i possibly can.