look ma, i'm shaving again

i got rid of my beard just about two weeks ago. since then, i've shaved four times. i actually just shaved for the fourth time right before sitting down to write this at 10:12pm on a tuesday night. for just about the past two years, i didn't shave much. i hardly had a clean shaven face. i usually shaved 2-3 months apart, letting my beard grow in during those times. and i've come to really enjoy having a beard. and now that i've shaved four times in the past two weeks, which is probably as frequent as any six month period in the pat few years, i'm reminded just how much i dislike shaving.

since the time when hairs started growing on my face and i've had to put a blade to it, i've never enjoyed it much. i always found it to be the most annoying of personal grooming habits. when i first started shaving, it was like i had to. i didn't have the ability to grow a semi-decent looking beard till somewhere in my 20's. and i lacked so much confidence in beard growing, i didn't really start giving it my best effort till late into my 20's.

but then i grew a full beard and let it go for a month... and then a second month. and i realized something when i'd look in the mirror or see myself in pictures. i liked the results. i was a fan of a bearded josh. and as time moved on, i shaved less and less and worried less and less about my facial hair, confident in what was growing on my face.

and then two weeks ago i decided i was gonna try to go clean shaven for a while cuz i hadn't kept up with a clean shaven face on a consistent basis in what's felt like years. the idea first came to me cuz i'd shave and i wouldn't recognize the dude in the mirror anymore. he looked weird. i was so used to me with a beard i just couldn't fathom myself without one. so now my challenge to myself is to stay clean shaven at least till i look in the mirror and i don't think that anymore. i wanna see myself beardless and go, 'yep, that's me right there.' i don't wanna feel like a freak in my own head for not having a beard.

but it's sorta a bummer. my dislike for shaving is probably greater than my love for having a beard (which is a healthy amount of lovin'). and i can't help but wonder, why do we shave? who started this? seriously. i don't get it. beards are natural. we're supposed to have them otherwise we wouldn't, right??? some dingus somewhere in history picked up a blade, chopped his own beard, and said, "hey, look at me." and for whatever reason, other people followed in this trend. the whole thing lacks common sense if you ask me. you see someone with a big, scruffy beard nowadays and think, "oh, look at that freak." but he's not a freak, daddy-o. he's a lot closer to the way nature intended him to be than all the clean shaven squares of the world.

so anyways, i miss my beard. again. and i just shaved and my face feels violated... like i robbed it of it's natural form of expression. but this too shall pass and eventually i'll either: a) get used to looking clean shaven and keep it going for a while or b) revolt against shaving which is just a revolt against natural order anyways so really i'll end up doing what all men were meant to do and that's let my beard grow.

option b is a strong contender.