the mellowing of a monster (new year's eve)

new year's eve used to be a bigger deal... at least to me personally. i used to always hype it up as this night that i had to go out and party hard... harder than most other partying i would usually do. i always got caught up in the hype and i used to always look for a reason (or maybe 'excuse' would be a better word) to booze it up and have a good time. some years i was very successful in achieving this goal. other years, i may have tried a little too hard and fallen short and had less fun than i would've liked to have.

now i'm 33 and it's december 30th and i just don't seem to care as much as i used to. there's a part of me that wants to do some sort of socializing... but it feels awfully obligatory. like, i only wanna party cuz i know that's what a lot of other people i know will be doing. but if we all decided to stay home and watch, 'the honeymooners,' i'd probably be fine with that. 

i no longer feel the need for december 31st to be the biggest party night of the year. i look back on 2012, and i realize i've had some awesome times. i figure i have no chance of topping many of those nights just because this is supposed to be the night we bring in a new year.

and there's been better reasons to have a good time. there's been weddings and friend's birthdays and great concerts. i've traveled and partied in other cities. i've gone to bbq's in awesome summer weather that make me wonder why anyone would want to bundle up and stand outside in times square all night. 

putting that all in perspective, it's hard for me not to find new year's eve to be overrated. will i still end up doing something? most likely. will i be depressed if i end up staying in? no. i've had a pretty awesome (and at times, challenging) year to reflect on. 2012 is going to end very soon and there's not much more i can squeeze into this year that's gonna change the results. 

i'm not a total humbug about it either. i still hold out hope that new year's eve will be a fun night but it's sorta like the volume's been turned down. it used to be loud and impossible to ignore. now it's played at a reasonable level and i don't see a reason to turn it up much louder than it already is cuz nowadays i like music at a conversational level anyways.