i don't care what you think (a stand up comedy tale)

i did a set last night at the weekly open mic i co-host on sunday nights. i told a joke about women complaining about men catcalling and how i wish women would catcall me. i'd write the joke here but the 'stand up to print' conversion never works out well....so i guess you'll just have to catch me tell jokes somewhere at some point in the future if you're really that interested. the joke is not what's important at this moment... just the subject matter.

about 30 minutes after my set, i'm talking to a friend who's sitting next to a dude who's sorta a friend... i guess... maybe more of an acquaintance. and he's there with his lady friend. i make no assumptions about their relationship... all i know for sure is she's a lady and she's his friend. the acquaintance turns to me and says, "me and her have been talking about your set for the past 20 minutes. maybe you can help us out with something."

i'm already shuddering inside. it's almost always a sucky experience anytime anyone wants to talk in depth about my material. but me, trying to be a nice dude, i say, "ok." so he's telling me how where she comes from, it's a compliment for men to catcall women (i never caught the specifics of where she was from... and that's for a few reasons.... we're in a bar with live music and the music's loud. i'm half paying attention to the music and already half looking for a way out of this conversation. so specifics are missed). he goes on to say that women go out of their way to look good so they can get this kind of public attention. and apparently i'm ridiculing the whole process and i should rethink the whole thing through.

she apparently couldn't talk directly to me. he'd say stuff and every now and then she'd butt in, sorta talk low in his direction, and then he'd repeat whatever she was interjecting with. but the point, in brief, is that i shouldn't assume that all women hate being catcalled and hounded by dudes in public. um, okay, lesson learned... i guess. with my new lesson learned, i took the first awkward silence that came up as a chance to book. i ran to another friend a few seats down and talked about something.... anything... i can't even remember what... it was just important for me to get out of there.

all i'm trying to say here is that i don't really care what you think about my comedy. i'll take advice on how to make a joke better or if a joke just outright sucks. what i will not put up for discussion is the idea behind the joke. if i had been interested in a fair discussion last night (i wasn't), i would've spoke my piece and it probably would've went something like this:

look, i get that there's two sides to every coin and that a lot of jokes are based on broad assumptions and because of this i will always encounter the exceptions who are opposed to my views. that shit comes with the territory. but i gotta tell you, i don't know where your lady friend happens to be from, but i don't dig her philosophy. and i don't know if she can just simply blame it on where she came from. but hey, what do i know? stupid me, for being raised by a strong woman whom i have the honor to call mom who ingrained into me the idea that women deserve to be treated with respect and shouldn't be treated as objects. i was taught to have manners and that those manners don't just go away at the first sight of ass and titties. where i come from, that kind of behavior is ugly, moronic, and sad. but hey, to each their own.

of all the things to grab on to in my set, this is the one that sent you and your lady friend into a lively 20 minute conversation? in the same set i also talked about rights for gay people, abortion, the homeless, and beer. and the joke about catcalls is the one that got you talking, the one you couldn't let slide, the one you had to stop me for and talk my ear off when i'm just trying to enjoy a beverage and some live music?

this is comedy. you're not gonna agree with everything i say. so if you don't agree, keep that shit to yourself. i'm not telling you to shut up, what i'm telling you is that your words will be wasted on me cuz i don't care. catcalling is stupid and that's why i mock it and there's nothing no one from any far away place can say to convince me otherwise. it's a joke. either laugh or don't, like it or tell me it sucks. i can deal with that. "hey josh, your catcalling joke sucks." awesome, that only took you five seconds.

what i should've told you last night is nobody gives a fuck what you think. oh, and this is an open mic.... if you gotta get that shit off your chest so bad, sign up on the list and have at it. write a joke, tell a joke, and then come talk to me after. until then... shut the fuck up. thank you.