dating the president

there's something about election season that makes me think about dating. for months we find ourselves being swooned by candidates who tell us why we should choose them to be our president. it's like once every four years we're suddenly sexy as fuck to all these politicians who wanna get in our pants. and it's always flattering to hear people of stature tour the country, give speeches, and battle each other just to receive some of our affection.

much like i've experienced in dating, in the beginning, politicians put on the charm. they make sure to always look and act their best for us. they tell us what we wanna hear... sometimes they even bend truths or straight out lie, knowing that it'll better their chances of getting us to give them a pull of the lever on election day.

and in return, we usually fall hard for them in the beginning. if you happen to be someone who's planning to vote, you're usually passionately behind the person you're choosing. they can do no harm in your eyes and anyone else who would want to compete with them is hopeless and unaware of how incomparable they are.

and if you're not voting, you're just weird. get out and vote. you can't live the rest of your life without reaching out and getting to know your leaders. but i get it, you've been burned. some politician somewhere in the past broke your heart and you'll never trust another politician ever again. but you can't judge all candidates based on what one asshole did to you in the past. you have to move on and keep trying and hoping that somewhere out there is the right political choice for you. never give up.

much like most brand new relationships, on a president's first term, we find ourselves filled with such hope. it's a fresh start. this time things are gonna work out. this time our lives will be better and more complete. in the most simplest of terms, this time around we will be more happy and less sad because this time around we found the one..... this is the one who will take care of us and ensure a better future for us all.

as time rolls on, we become jaded. we've set the bar too high. we start to nag and say that the president isn't doing enough or that he's fucking everything up. why doesn't he care about me anymore? what happened to the candidate that told me everything was gonna get better and that he'd be there for me through thick and through thin.

before you know it, you're thinking about seeing other candidates. about three years into it you begin to find a group of candidates who tell you that they can treat you better than he does. give them a chance. they point out all the president's faults and all the ways he treats you bad. they fight one another for a chance to be the next in line.

and then we vote again. it's almost like we dump the president and then he tries to convince us why we should take him back. he tells us that he knows he fucked up but that there were good times and that he can do better if we'd just give him one more shot.

at the same time, a fresh faced charmer is telling you to forget that man. look at all he's done to you. come get with this. i'm the future you're looking for. i can give you the things you need. don't let him sucker you into another chance. he'll only let you down like he did the first time. you owe it to yourself to move on and start something new with someone who knows how to treat a voter.

more times than not, it seems we take the president back. sure, he's got his flaws, but now that he's more aware of them, this time around he'll be better to us. he's not perfect, but nobody is. we've grown so close to him, now's not the time to throw him to the curb and start all over. it's so much work to get to know somebody from square one again. it'll be easier and more comforting this way (sometimes we do vote for the fresh faced charmer. when that happens, you know the previous president fucked up bad).

and after another four years of growing closer, the president will end up leaving us. he'll dump us and we'll know with all certainty, that this time it's really over. we'll be stuck with all the baggage that comes with an eight year relationship and he'll fly off into the sunset into his bright new future without us. and then, a few months down the line, he'll have the nerve to come out of nowhere and try to pawn us off to one of his buddies. typical politician.

now i think i understand why some people refuse to vote. me, i'm a hopeless romantic, so i'll keep voting no matter how many times i get burned.