heavy metal bathroom

one of the more awkward moments that i experience pretty regularly is the experience that is the bathroom at work. nature's our first boss, and when it calls, we're forced to listen. i kinda don't like the bathroom experience at work (or in most public bathrooms for that matter). it's me doing some of the dirtiest shit (ugh, pun sorta intended) i do in the presence of co-workers. 

i'd love to just simply say, 'grow up josh. it's the bathroom. everyone has to do it. no one should feel weird about it.' but it's not that simple. we got stories around the office about certain people and how they act in the bathroom. there's the talker... y'know, the one who thinks the moment when you go to sit down behind the closing door of a stall is the perfect time to talk football. there's the over enthusiastic dude.... that dude who makes way too many loud noises while relieving himself... we get it dude, it feels good to relieve yourself, but it's not a fucking orgasm. there's your boss... i mean who seriously likes to go to the bathroom within the same four walls as their boss?

and who knows, maybe there's some stupid story about me in the bathroom. if there is, it's probably something along the lines of, "isn't it weird that josh puts his headphones on as he's going to the bathroom and takes them off when he comes out," cuz that's what i fucking do to mute out all that's going on around me.

which brings me to an awesome idea i have. public bathrooms everywhere should blast heavy metal music. blast it really fucking loud. no one should have to hear anyone else in the bathroom... ever. if you have anything important to say or share, it should always be done outside the confines of bathrooms. heavy metal would be a great way to be able to use the bathroom without having to hear or think about sounds other people make or the sounds you make. 

and it'll be good exposure for heavy metal too. finally, heavy metal can be appreciated by a wider audience now that it has a practical use that's helped improve the world in a major way. the experience of using bathrooms in public would change everywhere. what was once a semi-awkward experience is now a headbanging good time.