mortality and mosh pits

this post is inspired by a moment that happened tonight. i went to go see against me! at terminal 5 in nyc (they were opening up for the cult... just to make it clear, i wasn't there to see the cult... to me this was an against me! show, no matter what the ticket stub says.... but anyways...) i was near the front of the stage, standing on the fine line that divides the moshers from the non-moshers.

i'm not opposed to moshing. actually, i enjoy moshing. i can't help myself. i feel the energy of the live music and the fans and of everything that's going on around me and i'm thrown into a frenzy that can only be satisfied by the surroundings of a mosh pit. i'm not violent or angry... i don't intend any harm when i go in and i usually come out unscathed.... moshing's just dancing to me... dancing to music that inspires sudden bolts of energy that can't be contained in a foxtrot.

but i feel my age is catching up with me. i've found myself thinking as i go into shows lately, 'tonight i won't mosh. i'll sit this one out.' most times when i have that thought, i go into the show... sorta restrain myself, but then at some point give in and find myself all up in the mosh pit again. i can't walk away from it.

so while i was standing on this fine line tonight... i found myself in and out of the moshing... never fully committing to it tonight, but never fully backing off either. i looked around me and i was surrounded by baby faces. mosh pits can act as a cruel reminder that there are some things that you'll eventually get too old to enjoy, no matter how much you wish you wouldn't. even if i was in full mosh mode tonight, i'd feel bad about mixing it up with a bunch of kids who all appear to be around ten years younger than me.

when i came to this realization tonight, i committed more to the non-moshing section and settled for fist raising and singing aloud. in between songs at one point, i turned to my friend matt and said, "i love these punk rock kids out here mixing it up."

and then a total stranger turned to me and said, "oh c'mon! you've got to be kidding me!"

i'm not sure how this stranger took what he had overheard me say. my assumption is that he thought i was being sarcastic and trying to express how much i didn't like the kids moshing around and bumping into me. but that isn't so. i do love the punk rock kids mixing it up out there.

moshing is like basketball. you can play it for a bunch of years, but eventually, somewhere in your 30's, you'll get too old to do it. you won't realize it right away. it'll take a few years for the cold truth to hit you, and while those years are passing, you'll notice that moshing is starting to take more of a toll on you. it's harder to  mosh for an entire show or even a string of 3-4 songs. you'll mean well and try to prove your worth... but sooner or later you'll realize that much like basketball, or any sport for that matter, the only way it's gonna survive is with a continuous flow of young blood constantly being introduced into the mix.

i should start feeling older. the mosh pit's not gonna grow with me. the average age in the mosh pit is always gonna be about the same. nobody moshes forever. and before you totally call it quits, you'll reduce your own minutes, spend more time on the bench, and look on and think how much you wanna be out there but just can't do it.

moshing is a young person's game. so while i feel my age getting the better of me and pushing me out of the mosh pit, as a fan of moshing, i have nothing but the utmost appreciation for those in the pit doing their thing and keeping it going.

at some point i will decide to hang up my clothes soaked in other people's sweat and never return to a mosh pit again. but i'll always have love for the game. i'll always observe it from afar and appreciate it. who knows? maybe i can get a job in mosh pit commentary like retired basketball players do.