happy national high five day!!

fuck high fives!

fuck hand shakes!

fuck fist bumps!

fuck all that noise!

don't high five me. for what? it's unnecessary and it's gone without analysis for far too long now. 

if i know you, i can see you. i can acknowledge your existence with a simple 'hey' or a head nod. if i'm just meeting you for the first time, i can say, 'nice to meet you "so-and-so." i don't need to demand small physical interactions for these way too average moments in life.

 i don't like touching people, especially their hands. have you seen what people do with their hands? have you seen what YOU do with your hands? think about the bathroom and boogers and how filthy money is. nobody's clean. there isn't enough hand sanitizer in the world to make it through a day unscathed by the daily germ bombardment against your hands.

and with handshakes, you always have the douchebag that wants to turn it into a contest of strength. y'know the dude, the one who feels it's necessary to show you how strong he is by giving your hand a good death grip, or if you're high fiving, maybe a good death slap. high fives are one thing, i don't need you to wind up and give me your best shot. that's stupid. you're stupid.

the whole ritual is unnecessary. it will not add or detract from the overall quality of an interaction. if we converse, i won't like your personality more or less based on your choice between hand shake or fist bump. if you suck at life, a proper high five is not gonna save you.

if the rest of you wanna run around high fiving the fuck out of each other, have at it. i'll say no more. but leave me out of it. and when i leave you hanging, don't get all bent about it. it's a personal choice that i've made that just happens to also make me a better person (<---scientific fact).