the disillusionment of a hulkamaniac

kids need heroes. and when i was a kid my biggest hero was hulk hogan. i was most definitely a hulkamaniac, one of the one's the hulkster would refer to when he'd scream:

"what cha gonna do when me and all of my hulkamanaics run wild on you!"

i was too young to know any better. so when the hulkster defied the odds every time he won a match after being whacked in the head with a steel chair, i cheered in amazement.... i felt as if i owned a little piece of those victories. when his music would hit and he'd make his way to the ring as the crowd erupted like never before in the history of professional wrestling, i'd actually get nervous. deep down inside i needed him to win cuz when the hulk won, i won brother.

hulk hogan had all the classic qualities for a boyhood hero. he had action figures and a cartoon. he showed up in movies and music videos. he gave his fans a cool name (well i thought hulkamaniac was a cool thing to be called anyways). and in the ultimate showdown, he pulled his own 'david beats goliath' when he body slammed andre the giant in the main event of wrestlemania 3.

except for a brief moment in time where the macho man randy savage got to shine as champ circa wrestlemania 4, hulk hogan would go on to defeat all contenders and overcome all challenges for the next 3 years. but 3 years later something happened.

that something was the ultimate warrior. he was new, exciting, fast, he screamed and kicked ass in such a fury. he wore bright make up and when he hit the ring, it was like an explosion of energy that had never been seen in professional wrestling.

while the ultimate warrior made his way up the ranks (quickly i might add), my hero hulk hogan was balding. he was slower and less exciting than the ultimate warrior. in my child mind at that time, the ultimate warrior was the embodiment of all things awesome.

knowing nothing of loyalty, i was no loger a hulkamaniac. i became a little warrior. and i was by no means alone. and at wrestlemania 6, in the main event, the ultimate warrior defeated hulk hogan to an eruption of cheers and fanaticism, simultaneously beginning a new era and ending an old.

hulk hogan would go on for a couple more years to remain in the main event scene in wwf. but it'd never be the same. soon the wwf was rocked by a steroid scandal. hulk hogan testified and things got weird. and then all of the sudden hulk hogan left wwf for rival wrestling company wcw.

wcw was always in the shadow of wwf. but hulk hogan made wcw suddenly more legitimate. more people started watching. it was fun to watch hulk hogan take on a brand new batch of bad guys that he'd never seen before. and that was fun for a while. but while this was happening, wwf was pushing younger stars, guys like bret hart, shawn michaels, and the one who would for sure put the heat on wcw to pick up the pace, stone cold steve austin.

wcw decided to pull out all the stops. and just like that, hulk hogan did the unthinkable and became a bad guy. he became the leader of a wrestling gang called the nwo (new world order for those that aren't in the know). and this was huge. hogan was suddenly fresh again. he went from prayers, vitamins, and exercise to cheating, spray paint, and group beat downs.

audiences would throw garbage in the ring whenever hogan or any of his nwo cohorts were in the ring. things would never be the same. hulk hogan would never again regain his status as hero. he was now the most reviled man in all of professional wrestling. he quite possibly pulled off being the greatest good guy and greatest bad guy of all time all in the same career.

but all any of this did was mask the fact that hogan was old. nobody wants old, balding heroes. people want to root for something fresh and exciting, something with energy. hogan was slow in the ring... or slow compared to the rising of youth talent he found himself in the ring with night in and night out.

hulk hogan could've been captain america. but captain america only works for so long cuz comic book heroes don't age. the aging of heroes leads to the end of heroes. hogan wasn't able to gracefully step away when his era of heroics was obviously finished. he wanted more. he did what he could to remain relevant. and while he succeeded in remaining relevant, he sacrificed all the hard work he put into being a hero.

he'd try a couple times here and there to come out as the good hulk hogan again. he went back to wwf for a little while. but at that point the kids were all about the rock. they only knew of hulk hogan cuz their parents or older siblings talked about him.

to this day, hulk hogan is still at it in tna. he's in his 60's and hard to watch or take serious when he tries to step in the ring. he did reality tv with his whole family and shortly after all of america watched as his family fell apart. the invincible hulk hogan is long gone and never to return.

kids need heroes. but it's important to remind them that we're all human and capable of being imperfect. too much idolatry will inevitably lead to disappointment. the real lesson here is that no one's pure or perfect. everyone is capable of letting you down. if the hulkster can do it, anyone can do it. but don't let that beat you down. i think people need to be their own heroes. we can all stand up against the bad guys if we want to. just go out there and do it. there's no reason to live it vicariously through grown men who throw each other around in their underwear......


......brother.