vampires are stupid

vampires don't exist. so talking about what you would do if you were a vampire is stupid. it's a wasted convo on an impossible scenario and you'd be better suited to waste your breath speaking of the improbable chances of winning a multimillion dollar lottery prize.

but if there was any possibility that you could be a vampire and you actually desired to become one, then you're stupid. and here's why...

vampires live forever. sounds sweet don't it? except you'll outlive everyone you EVER love. after a while you'll have no one to relate to. no one to talk to about that one crazy time at that party when shit got crazy. cuz anyone who was at that party is DEAD. you outlive everyone except other vampires i suppose... but vampires don't make good company...

since vampires get to keep on aging, it also means they keep on becoming more jaded and grumpy... that's the baggage that comes along with spending more time on this planet. the longer you're around, the more you realize stuff sucks and it makes you a little bit sadder. think of the grumpiest senior citizen you've ever known, and multiply that by 5, 6, 7...who knows how many times... the grumpiness, the jadedness... it would grow beyond your mortal comprehension.

if that don't suck enough you have to feed on blood to keep living. the longer you feed on human beings, the better your chances of getting caught become. vampires can potentially live forever, so on a long enough timeline you'd get caught killing someone somewhere and you'd end up in jail. jail would suck and you'd probably die there unless you found someway to escape or someway to constantly feed. even if you somehow got some source of blood to keep on living, you'd only keep on living in jail. what a life.

the idea of shit like vampires is so cool until a vampire fucks up your day. if vampires were real, you'd hate them all. we'd be at war with them live the gov't is at war with mutants in x-men comics. a vampire would've harmed or killed someone you know by now and you'd think all vampires suck for existing because of it.

and for the hopeless romantics... the chances are nearly impossible that you'll get to spend forever with your "soul mate." even if you meet your "soul mate" and you both become vampires, eventually you'll spend so much time with each other that you'll know everything there is to hate in one another. this will lead to cheating and other shenanigans that will eventually put an end to your "eternal" romance.

and if she dies and becomes reincarnated (the chances keep getting slimmer cuz for this to be possible we now not only need vampires to exist, but the process of reincarnation also) as a human all over again, you'll have to:

a-wait for her to grow to a certain age. you're not gonna get your grind on with a new born baby.

b- find her every single time she reincarnates.

c-convince her all over again that you're meant to be and get her to fuck over keanu reeves's character... (the concept in Bram Stoker's Dracula drives me soooooo fucking crazy! keanu gets such a raw deal in that movie! he did nothing to deserve that! NOTHING!!! that's undeserved aggression and if you were keanu's character, you'd be in 110% agreement with me).

final point and then i'm done:

if everything worked out ideally... TOTALLY FUCKING IDEALLY, NOTHING AT ALL COULD FUCK IT UP, IT'S EVERYTHING YOU WANT IT TO BE!!!

what will you do when the sun dies? what will you do if the earth is eaten by a black hole? what if you do travel to another planet and then the sun for that planet suddenly dies? sooner or later, fate's gonna get you. and by the time it does, i'm sure you'll be bored and sad and eager to put an end to it all. you'll think about how awesome those first 84.5 years were and if you could've just ended it before it got old...

i think eternal life is an overrated concept... especially if it's on the terms of being a vampire. we're here for a short time for a reason... or maybe there is no reason.. i don't know.. but what i do know is wanting to be a vampire is lame.