things that suck about drinking at bars

i'm going to preface this with a full force acknowledgement that i know what a hypocrite i come across as for writing this. i'm writing this on my 24th day of an at least 30 day long break from consuming alcohol. i have hung out at bars more than i've probably done anything else in life. when my break from drinking is over i will probably go back to hanging out at bars cuz i don't know where else to go when i'm bored and in need of socializing. i assure you everything i'm about to write is nothing new in my brain. it's not the sudden creation of 24 days of sobriety. it just took 24 days of sobriety to gather my thoughts on the topic and put it all together. it's all stuff i've thought for years, most of it is probably the result of hanging out at bars as much as i have.

this is in no way an attack on drinking alcoholic beverages. drink if you like to drink. just don't pee on my porch and it's all good.

preface done.



these are some of the things that suck about drinking at bars:

1a- bars are expensive, even the cheap ones. compare the prices at any bar to the prices at the liquor store. compare those prices per drink. think about how many drinks you'll have in a night and multiply. that's how much money you'll save. you'll also save on other expenses like tipping, jukeboxes, and pool tables. not to mention the cab you're probably going to need cuz you really shouldn't drive in that condition.

and if you do find a bar that's cheap enough to compete with the liquor store, it's probably a joint that's jammed with people wall to wall. the kind of place that turns going to the bathroom into a 20 minute adventure through body heat and back fat. these places are called dives and the reason people love them so much is cuz deep down inside their disgusted with how much the other bars gouge them for their money.

if you found a cheap place that isn't crowded, good for you. it's probably the kind of place where old people who hate their spouses go to die. enjoy!

1b- bars are making a serious killing. consider the bar staff. bar staffs usually make crappy base salaries. owners pay them a little something, and the rest is based on your tips. they bust their ass for the bar and the bar owner doesn't even have to pay the majority of their wages (i know this fluctuates from place to place and there are exceptions here and there).

i know a lot of bartenders make a killing off of tips. but it's the principle of the matter. bars don't happen without bartenders, bar backs, etc... i can't remember the last time a bar tender told me about their benefits package.

and don't get me wrong, this ISN'T an anti-tipping rant. you gotta tip. you better tip! don't go to a bar unless you're planning on tipping. not tipping makes you a douchebag! that's at bars, restaurants, everywhere. fucking tip!

2- music. in most places you have to pay to listen to music you want to hear. and while you're paying for it, you're also begrudgingly listening to what everyone else in the bar paid for. oh great, another black eyed peas song! i'd complain but that's better than the back-to-back meatloaf tracks i just wasted the last 18 minutes of my life listening to.

and then there's some bars where the jukebox is not even an option. there might be a dj there or maybe the hip douche bartender brought their ipod to work for everyone to listen to. this can be hit or miss. on the one hand, you don't have to pay for it. on the other hand, it's totally out of your control.

3-idiots. bars attract idiots. all sorts. some are looking for trouble. some have extremely bad breath and are just looking to corner you into a convo about something you don't care about.

idiots come in all shapes and sizes and there is no such thing as an idiot free bar.

4- awkward situations.

like the girl who wants to take you home but you have no interest in (for women, the guy who wants to take you home. i know for a fact this happens to women more than men). but she's nice so you feel bad and you humor her conversation. but for most of the night, you're in the back of your own mind trying to plan an escape.

or maybe you spill a drink on someone. i have.. a few times. i didn't mean to. i'm clumsy. i tripped. you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. i feel hella bad about it and i'm gonna buy you a drink, but for the rest of the night we have to go back and forth and look at each other.

or when the music's too loud and you can't hear what someone is saying to you. so you give them a quick, 'yea,' or you nod your head approvingly but have no idea what just came out of their mouth. you just wanna look like you're listening. how many times can you tell someone, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" until you finally give in and pretend you heard them? (i'd say the average is on try 4 or 5) and this works both ways cuz i've been in conversations where i know the other person is giving me a fake, 'yea,' but i just let it happen cuz there's nothing you can do, the music is just too fucking loud.

here's some other quick things that suck about bars (but don't necessarily apply to all bars):

1- dress codes
2- asshole bouncers
3- skunked beer
4- lack of cleanliness
5- lack of buybacks (the accepted unwritten rule that some drinks should be free)


if i've forgotten anything, feel free to make your own list at home.