sobriety makes me angry

19 days ago i decided to take a break from drinking. i don't think i'm a raging alcoholic, but i do enjoy drinking fairly regularly... to the point where 2-3 days in row without drinking were usually the longest breaks i ever gave myself. from time to time i like to test myself and see if i can stop drinking for a certain amount of time. i usually shoot for 30 days. it's a nice, round figure and it's something i can brag about until i do it again next year... "hey everybody, i know i like to drink, but i took a month off so y'know, i'm ok."

it's also nice to clear my head and save some money. also, the beer gut gets a break. damn you beer gut! go away!

what i've noticed over the past 19 days is that being sober makes me angry. or maybe it's better to word it as, i get angry easier. i find shit pissing me off way more than usual and now that i've noticed, i tell myself that i'm gonna try real hard not to be so pissy about stuff, but sometimes i just can't help it... i get angry, i gotta do something with it, so i complain out loud.

i could try and turn this into a positive and say that it helps with the comedy. cuz the root of comedy is complaining... that's all comedy is really doing, complaining in a certain type formula that somehow results in others laughing.

but i don't wanna be an angry dude. i encounter other angry dudes and i just think, 'what a douche bag! i don't wanna be anything like that!'

so here i am, faced with a dilemma... what can i do? i figure i got 3 options:

1- be angry josh. just be a pissed off dude. let the transformation complete itself. i'll get so used to being angry and pissy that it'll become standard practice.

2- stop being angry! fight the anger somehow... how? i don't know, that's something i'll have to figure out. maybe surround myself with stuff i enjoy, maybe try and challenge myself to see the best in everything, which is something i thought i was a natural at before i tried this whole 'sober for 30 days' thing.

3- drink! cuz if i drank i'd probably lighten up immediately. i know that drinking numbs me. i had become so accustomed to numbing myself that it carried over into my sober life. drinking fills me full of, "i don't give a fuck," and, "who gives a shit?" and, "life is a party dude!" but now that shit's worn off. the party sucks when you're dry. all you see around you are a bunch of assholes and you're always worried cuz you have work tomorrow.

i'm not gonna give up on sobriety and drink... not at least till day 30. so who knows, maybe angry josh has just gotta keep busy for 11 more days.. and on day 30 i send that fucker packing.

but goddamn if i didn't want it all to be different. i learned 2 things which i want so bad to be untrue:

1- the world's a tough place filled with assholes that make life hard.
2- sober people (at least the ones i know) are boring. what do you guys do with your free time?

now i know why i started drinking in the first place.


ps- no potheads, i will not start smoking pot. that's more boring than sobriety.