myspace will have to get rid of me

i'm not getting rid of my myspace page. i'll never get rid of myspace. myspace will have to get rid of me.

i keep seeing bulletins and status updates of people threatening to delete their myspace page. so do it! don't be a punk! shit or get off the pot! press that delete button and make some room for someone else's stupid status update about how depressed they are.

i'm on facebook. i'm on twitter. facebook is awesome. currently, i even like it a little better than myspace. it's all cuz there's more action and interaction between people. twitter's ok, i really just like stalking the few celebrities that i follow.

but i'm not one of these elitists who thinks that facebook is soooo awesome that it's a calling for me to delete myspace. i don't even wanna debate the difference of who's better cuz they both got pro's and con's. facebook's cool, but facebook's also talked about at family gatherings by the old people... not in awe of it cuz they don't understand it... but cuz they're on that shit... old people, old people related to me.... i don't need them reading my 4am drunk diatribes on a lonely sunday morning after realizing the reason i party all nite is cuz i gotta fill my void with something cuz i can't seem to handle a relationship properly and i'm not gonna pick up any organized religion any time soon..... and then i go to family events and people say i have a problem and etc etc etc... so i just try and lay low... but it's tough... my stepfather's best friend pressured me into accepting a friend request all cuz he wanted to recruit me in his "mafia wars." i hate mafia wars! oh... and he's a cop! he's a cop, and he wanted me as part of his mafia... well not really, just wanted to get whatever bonus you get for recruiting a new person. and since he's a cop, i feel awkward when i'm blasting ice t's "cop killer" and i just wanna run to the computer and type, "what cha wanna be when you grow up? cop killer! good choice." i don't really wanna kill cops, but i figure my friends would get a kick out of that shit... but not the dude who's actually a cop... so i save that immature bullshit for myspace...

so maybe myspace is the more immature of the two... good! i need a place to be immature... i don't give a fuck about turning 30 this year.... i got many more years of juvenule immaturity in me.... and i wonder why i can't stabalize a healthy relationship....

the point is... well the real point is i just wanted to rant about something, cuz ranting feels good...

but the other point is... why not do both? why this whole routine about one or the other??? go ahead, delete your myspace, but then you'll never read my groovy blogs or bulletins. can you live without that? sure... but why would you?

and if i've pissed you off, well, i'm shocked, cuz i didn't think anyone read myspace blogs anymore.... but

if i did piss you off... well that's just what i do sometimes..... deal with it! it's a critique on social networking..... so you could be mad at me or you could realize that in 25 years we'll all laugh abuot how we all had stupid facebook and myspace pages and they were both awesome cuz now we've been enslaved by the robots and can't express ourselves in any way whatsoever....

what i'm saying is...

although i'm defending the use of social profiles on machines...

don't trust machines.

fuck i'm a self contradicting hypocrit.


ps-friendster's for tools.

a mom manifesto

my mom kicks ass. seriously. she was in the army for a while. she did boot camp and all that. my mom can kick ass.

my mom's taught me many things. but it's how she lives her life that has taught me the most. my mom's self reliant, tough, smart, and fun. she knows how to get shit done but she also knows that life is to be enjoyed.

as a youngen, she was tired of the same ol', same ol'. she decided to do something about it. she joined the army. she left home. she traveled the world. she went as far as germany and south korea.

somewhere, sometime in south korea, she met my dad. and the rest is history. they both moved back to the states and they both were just about finished with their time in the army.

my mom and dad divorced when i was 10, i think i was 10.... but that's not what's important. even though it ended in divorce, i think they still did the right thing. i think for that time in their lives, it just made sense and i know that for some time there was happiness and for some time, me, phil, mom, and dad were a happy family.

shit happens. stuff falls apart. people change. you can't hate anyone for any of that. but it's how my mom dealt with it that leaves the biggest imprint on my soul.

we were living in oklahoma and my mom at this point was a housewife, a stay at home mother. my dad had rejoined the army and that's how we found ourselves in this part of the country.

my mom decided she was going to go to school for accounting and she eventually got her bachelor's degree. it was quite the accomplishment. being a mom is tough business. that's a full time thing on its own. at night, she would do homework, just like me and phil. i remember if me or phil called out of school, she'd drag us to school with her. imagine that shit!

and then it happened. the divorce. mom was left with two children in the middle of no where in oklahoma and dad fled to his army duties in south korea.

my mom decided to go back where she came from, new jersey. we lived in iselin and mom got a job in the biggest city in the world. just like that she went from stay at home mom in oklahoma to corporate employment in the city that never sleeps.

she did her best while we were in iselin. shit wasn't easy. we had a grandma who's health was in decline move in with us. money was tight. and i hated iselin. i hated the school system. i hated the kids there. i just didn't adjust well. i was picked on a lot and i pretty much thought everything sucked.

somewhere in the middle of the iselin mess, me and phil decided to give living with our dad a shot. so we moved to south korea.

south korea was awesome! no lie! but living with our dad, that was another story. it didn't take long to realize who was the hero in the raising kids dept when it came to our parents. my dad tried, but mom was just better at it. and suddenly, as much as i hated the kids in iselin, and as much as i liked the kids in south korea, i knew eventually we had to get back to mom.

mom moved to north bergen while we were in south korea. about a year after we left, we came back. i'll never forget coming off that plane, skinny and crying. i'd never been so happy to see someone. my mom would later say that we came back looking malnourished with the same clothes on that she sent us away with.

my mom did an awesome job with stuff while we were away. she got a 3 bedroom apartment that for the remainder of my life will probably be the first thing i think of when i say the word, "home." she met a dude, jack, who eventually became my stepfather. my mom had rebuilt her whole life. she was happy. she was enjoying life.

and that's what she passed down to me. there's nothing wrong with enjoying life. she was actually just telling me the other day that life is short. that you gotta do what you want and don't let anyone force you into doing what you don't wanna do. she said i'm 29 and i can wake up tomorrow and change everything if i wanted to.

and she taught me that you gotta take care of shit yourself. in the end, you're responsible for where your life's at. you can damn everything around you, point blame to anyone but yourself, but the truth is there... it's all, ALL on you. self reliance.

the next 15 years would just fly by. so many great memories. there were good times, parties and gatherings, high school, a wedding, car crashes, incidents, girlfriends and x-girlfriends, drama, and jets games. from crabbing and seaside to the awesomest family vacation EVER to cali....

thanx mom for being awesome.

fortune cookies

these are fortunes with commentary added by me.

these 3 fortunes were still layin around on my desk at work from when we ordered chinese the other day:



Luck helps those who help themselves. (or there is no such thing as luck)

It is better to have beans and bacon in peace than cakes and ale in fear. (might be the best fortune i've ever received in cookie form and for two reasons, one-- it's mad wise, two-- it speaks of bacon)

Look to your inner being for guidance. (josh knows everything)

i've never seen the lion king

that's right motherfucker, i've never seen the Lion King. Deal with that shit. You probably wanna respond with one of the same boring responses I always hear when i say that shit:

"WHAT?! Everyone's seen the Lion King?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"You gotta be kidding."
"You're a freak."
"NOOOOO WAY!!!..... SERIOUSLY?!?!?!"
"They should lock you in a dark room and never let you out."
"I hate you!!!"

yeah well... FUCK THE LION KING! since people seem so intent on making me out to be a freak for never seeing this movie, i've decided to make it my personal mission to live my whole life without ever watching the Lion King. My first act of defiance will be to return Albert's copy that he lent to me that I never watched. An actual copy of this movie sits in my house right now, and i will never watch it.

I had a moment of clarity. I think everyone in the world is fucked up. I think there's something wrong with EVERYBODY. Why don't more people think like me? if more people thought like me, the world would probably be a better place. There's gotta be a difference between me and everybody else... and now i know what it is... it's that the rest of you have seen "The Lion King." Something about this movie has ruined everybody and i see through the bullshit. I will not succumb to temptation. I will remain pure and better than most people by never seeing the Lion King ever in my whole damned life.

poop on my hand

This is the story about how I got poop on my hand. Hope you enjoy.

No one should ever let me sing at open mic.

So James and Chet were up there doing their thing, and people were demanding a poop song from Chet. (He’s got a slight reputation to improvise songs, good ones at that, on the spot about poop, and sometimes about drugs too).

I forget who it was, but someone told me to go up there and help out with lyrics. And this is always a bad idea…. but when I have a few drinks in me, I no longer fear such bad ideas.

So it kinda turned into a punk-ish thing so I started improvising lyrics on the spot, all about poop and pooping.

I don't think it was very good, but I called it poop-core, and I think a movement was started very accidently.

After getting off the mic, marylee told me that I should write “poop core” on my hands. I thought this was a terrific idea, so I grabbed a pen and wrote “poop” on my left hand. I never did write “core” on the other hand. Cuz I can’t really write with my left hand.

But then I realized other people were doing it too. I think like 2 or 3 other people ended up writing “poop” on their hands.

that’s how we roll at open mic… just a bunch of silly fuckers messed up on the silly juice doing silly things.

So anyways, I woke up the next day in a daze, rushing around for work. I took a shower, but I didn’t give my hand the rough washing it needed. And when I got to work, I realized that if you looked hard enough, you could still see remnants of the word “poop” written on my hand. And I type all day, there’s no hiding that shit.

but i don't think anyone noticed... and if they did, they never said anything.

So that’s it. that’s the story about how I got poop on my hand.

oh and one more thing......

i don't get why everyone on facebook seems to be in an uproar over the new homepage. it's almost the same thing as before. it's not rocket science. it's a cheesy website that rearranged a few icons.

since we're talkin facebook, i gotta always put out that reminder that i'm still a myspace guy. if forced to choose one, i'd be for myspace all the way. i don't think facebook is that great, i just think people like the "newer" option. makes them feel special or hip or something. well i'm old school then fuckers.

but not old school enough to go back to friendster. that's for losers.

ps- fuck twitter... seriously.

maybe the worst headache of my life

seriously, today, i woke up with maybe the worst headache of my whole entire life. it was awful. i just laid around trying to get the energy to get up, shower, and go to cvs to purchase advil. but that didn't come easy. i didn't wanna do shit. i didn't wanna hear shit. i was getting text messages and i had to put my phone on vibrate cuz the noise was too much. even texting itself was aggravating.

eventually i got up to shower. the shower was a bit relieving. i got up, fed the cats, and then the headache came back full blast. i was so close to making my cvs journey, but i couldn't do it. all i could do was lay on my couch and stare at the wall in silence.

this lasted for like an hour. and then the headache started weakening. i got up, went to cvs and finally got my advil. once the advil hit my system, the headache was gone for good.

i deserved it. i'm no victim. i decided to hang out at the rover for their st patty's celebration. i went at 6pm. they close at 2am. so i was out on an 8 hour drinking binge. there's gotta be some hell to pay for that sorta thing.

naturally, i told myself in the midst of the headache that i won't be drinking tonight at open mic. but that was hours ago and i'm pretty certain i will be doing stand up with my usual miller lite in hand, or nearby.