bill hicks, 20 years gone

bill hicks died 20 years ago yesterday. when bill hicks died, i had no idea who he was. at the time, i didn't even know he was dead because i never knew that he lived. now, all these years later, i can't imagine not knowing who bill hicks was. his legacy looms large in my own personal hall of heroes. he was more than just a comic to me but i'm not gonna sit here and write how great i think he is. a ton of other people have done that already. i'm just gonna share my own cluttered brain corner of bill hicks related thoughts.

my introduction to bill hicks is probably not one of the more usual ways one becomes acquainted with bill hicks. i was first introduced to him in a graphic novel called, 'preacher.' the main character, jesse custer, at some point ends up in a bar where bill hicks is telling jokes and his performance blows jesse custer away. i didn't close the book and immediately seek out all things bill hicks. but that was the moment the name got dropped and i made a note of it.

it probably took a few years before i actually followed through and checked any of his stuff out. there was no youtube at this time, so it still took time, effort, and/or money to seek out what you were looking for. and i was never one for exerting much effort. i constantly have a list of names of bands, comics, authors, and what have you, that i need to check out. i'm sure i'll get to them all eventually because i eventually got to bill hicks.

i dropped a bill hicks dvd in my dvd player and things were never the same. sure, i've seen/heard carlin and thought the world of his stuff. but there was something different about hicks. i can't quite put my finger on it exactly, but he was doing something with the comedy art form that drove me to dive into the deep end. hicks is probably the first dude i saw that made me think to myself, "i wanna be a stand up comic."

but sometimes being overly influenced by someone can be a bad thing. it didn't help that we have the same birthday (dec 16th). here i am, a dude who has absolutely no belief in horoscopes or anything like that and i suddenly wanted our shared birthday to mean something. i know it doesn't, but in the back of my head, i kinda want it to. the thing with hicks (or any comic) is you can't just get on a stage and be like him (actually, you can't be like anybody. i've found the hardest part of stand up so far is being yourself). even if you could, it'd be an insult to all the hard work he put in over the years to be as good as he was. you have to earn that the hard way. i can't get on a stage and hope that my best impersonation will somehow allow me to be as effective as he was.

so i took a break from bill hicks. i took a break from most stand up comics to try and break myself from the influence they had on me. and that was tough. i really enjoy bill hicks and i wasn't taking a break because i was tired of his stuff or because i thought it was bad or didn't enjoy it. i had to force myself not to watch, listen, or read hicks.

i'm a few years into the comedy thing now and i'm just sorta starting to enjoy watching established stand up comedians again. i feel like i have a better grasp of who i am which is good, because as a fan of stand up comedy, i missed it. that's why i got into it... i was a fan first. i wanna always be a fan. and i wanna always be a fan of bill hicks.

he is still tough to watch at times though.... only because it's so damn good. i'll still write some stupid joke here or there that i can't stand and i'll wonder why i wrote it at all and i'll try to use it and i'll be mad at myself for trying it and underneath it all, a part of me will think, 'bill hicks would never tell a joke like that.' i'm not measuring myself up to the man... but if he were alive, i'd like him to be a fan of my material. and that seems to be an intimidating enough thought to think.

lot of rambling going on here.... to try and wrap this up with a bow tie of some sort.... bill hicks made it cool to be thought provoking and challenging. he's probably the closest thing comedy has to a, 'rage against the machine.' as i attempt my own adventure into stand up comedy, i don't even like to mention the name, 'bill hicks,' because i don't want people to know i'm a fan. it's too intimidating. the worst thing a person could probably ever say to me is, 'bill hicks would hate your stuff.' and in some odd way, i feel like that's the biggest compliment you can pay a man and his legacy.