going to see the opening band

so one of your favorite bands is touring but the only way you can see them is to purchase tickets for a show where they happen to be the opening band instead of the headliner. and now you're gonna have to go see a headlining band you probably don't even like that much and pay for it knowing that the band you don't even like is going to see a bigger percentage of the money than the band you actually wanna go see. and the whole time you'll have to hang out with the asshats who actually wanna see said headlining band while they yawn, chat, and show up late during your favorite band's set.

but it's not all bad news. here's just a few of the advantages of going to a show to see the opening band.

1- less people

sure, the people who like the headlining band are asshats. but there'll be less of them there when the band you like is performing. that may not be joyous news from the band's perspective. but for you, you'll have more space. you won't be shoulder to shoulder wishing you had more space to spaz out when they finally play track 6 off your favorite album. plus, you'll end up getting there earlier than most people which means you'll probably deal with a smaller line and less waiting. and when the headlining band does take the stage, you can take advantage of this time to buy some merch, grab your next beer, use the bathroom, or pick up your jacket at coat check because when the headliner is playing, none of these activities will involve waiting on lines. if you really wanna go crazy, you can even leave early. depends how curious you are to see any of the headliner's set. which brings me to my next point....

2- you don't have to wait through a band you don't enjoy

sure, a lot of people around you are not gonna get it cuz they're fucking clueless. they're not gonna be into the opening band and they'll look miserable cuz they'll feel like they're being forced to sit through this just to get to the band that they paid to see. but you don't have that problem. the band you came to see comes out first. and if you don't like the band after, you have no more waiting to do. you're free to leave whenever you like. so long to the suckers who can actually stomach whatever sad collection of humanity is headlining this thing.

3- bragging rights

you love this band and you have good taste so eventually this band will find itself headlining their own tour. soon more people will be into them and they'll release an album that you like but not as much as their old stuff and it'll sorta drive you crazy that all these other newcomers decide the newest album is the best one. fret not. you were there on the front lines. you have solid bragging rights. you can talk about all the times you went to go see them in smaller clubs or opening for other bands that fell off. bottom line, you're just a better fan than the rest of these jokers which means you love the band more than they do and if the band met you and any of these other johnny-come-lately's, they'd definitely love you more than them... definitely.

4- they're gonna bring it

the opening band has to bring it. this is their chance to increase their fan base and school some strangers on just who the fuck they are. an opening band's goal should be to bring it so hard, that people leave saying they were the better band (which you obviously already knew). there's no chance for an encore so they have to leave everything on that stage in the allotment of time they're given to do it.

so next time your favorite band's in town but they have to open for some insufferable noise vomiters*,  don't even think twice. pick up those tickets knowing that this purchase only further validates just how super awesome you are to be a fan of this band in the first place.



* 'insufferable noise vomiters,' is the name of my band that doesn't exist cuz i have no musical talent. still, you can't use it... asshole.