waiting for godot at the bar

during my very brief semester and a half in college, i once attended the play, 'waiting for godot.' i had to do it for a theater class that i would eventually drop out of. i wasn't very interested in theater but not knowing yet that i would eventually stop going to all my classes altogether in a couple weeks, i bought a ticket for the play. it's possible that it went over my head or maybe i just wasn't very interested.... but i'm pretty sure that it's about a dude who waits for something that never comes. i'm pretty sure it's some kinda metaphor for waiting for god or you could replace god with any other existentially heavy concept i suppose.

what i personally walked away with was that you shouldn't waste your time waiting for stuff that's never gonna materialize, or worse yet, don't wait for something you can't define. and i've come to realize that half the time i go to bars, that's exactly what i'm doing. i'm standing around waiting for something. i can't define it exactly. maybe it's the next conversation or the next drink or i'm just waiting for a good time to be had. but many times when i'm in a bar, i feel like all i'm doing is waiting. and that's pretty boring.

i find bars to be fun if you go in with a purpose. maybe it's karaoke or open mic night. maybe you're gonna play pool or arcade games. maybe there's a band or it's a friend's birthday celebration. i find that when the terms are defined before going into a bar, a good time is more likely to happen.

but most times when i end up at a bar to kill time, i'm seriously killing time. like i could be found guilty in a court of law for the murdering of minutes. there's gotta be a better way to spend the hours that keep on creeping by no matter how bad i want them to slow down. whenever i find myself in these situations, i always find myself existentially unfulfilled at the end of the night. what did i just accomplish? why did i blow all that money on waiting around? and then i usually do something really dumb to fill the void that's left inside of me... like eat white castle.

and maybe this is just a me thing and maybe i'm just a boring person in a bar and that's why it's happening. either way, the realization is a bit of a bummer for me personally. most times when i end up in a bar with no other intention but to fill time, it's cuz i'm bored. but all i'm really doing is trading one form of boring for another. i'm taking a risk.

it's not all doom and gloom. sometimes i go to a bar to kill time and i have a blast. but that's usually the exception, not the standard.