the evolution of a dude who used to say, "that's gay," a lot

i used to be the sorta dude that said, "that's gay," a lot. i was younger and dumber than i am now. i'd say it without much effort, just sorta naturally rolled off the tongue. i never thought being gay was a bad thing. and i don't know why this phrase stuck to my vernacular like it did. i could try and blame it on my peer group or on growing up as a heterosexual dude who grew up around other heterosexual dudes and that's just what we said to things we disapproved of. it was the boy's club/locker room mentality. but i can't blame it on any of that. this is one of those things, looking back, that i had to take personal responsibility for.

i'm not sure when i stopped saying it. at some point i smartened up and just dropped it. what i can remember was the last time i said it and was shamed for it publicly. i was performing at an open mic and i was riffing and for some reason, i said something like, "blah blah blah, that's so gay." so the comic that came up after me took that and exposed me. he started to riff about people saying, 'that's gay,' and how stupid it sounded.

i'm not trying to say that if this shaming didn't take place, i'd still be saying, "that's gay." i just think that was the last clear memory i have of saying it and i immediately felt bad and stupid and looking back i think that's the right reaction to have. if i was ever gonna stop saying it, i had to feel bad about saying it in the first place. a younger josh didn't really get that he was making two HUGE mistakes every time he called something gay:

1- it's offensive and insensitive. i'm not trying to be a pc warrior here. offending people has its place and time. but saying, "that's gay," is to slight all gay people within earshot. and that's not cool and that was definitely never my intention. what i had to learn (and what i should've known to begin with)was that no matter how i thought i meant it, i was wrong and it was offending people who didn't deserve to be offended. cuz when it comes to offending people, i only wanna go after the assholes who deserve it.

2- usually the thing in question wasn't gay. it was just something i disapproved of... like i hate eggplant. so a younger, dumber josh would effortlessly say, "eggplant is gay." so not only was i offensive and insensitive but i was also stupid.

so anyways, here i stand before you now, a changed dude. i no longer use the word 'gay' as some form of disapproval. and it's cool to look back sometimes and see myself improve as a human being (i still probably have a shitload of work to do though in the 'improving as a human dept').

and could we please not talk about the times when i used to use the word, 'nigga' (cuz y'know, it ended with an 'a' and not an 'er')? i owned limp bizkit albums and a red yankees baseball cap. i was clearly a mess at the time.