suck it yankee fans

yankee fans, you are the worst. you're spoiled and bratty. your team makes it to the playoffs every year and you still find something to complain about. you have more world series championships than any other team (by a long shot at that), which has obviously only added to your obscene sense of entitlement. this whole 'championship or bust,' philosophy is a crock and makes you unbearable to be around during baseball season, which last time i checked, lasts practically all year.

just recently your own team turned on you. ny media reported that anonymous players on the yankee squad were mad at the fans for booing them. can't you see yankee fans? you're so unbearable, not even your own team likes you. (not that i'm defending a professional athlete blaming fans for their poor performance. that's some cry baby bullshit. those fans paid good money to see millionaires hit baseballs. when the millionaires failed them, they had all the right in the world to boo them.)

i just can't see how anyone can feel good about rooting for the yankees. to paraphrase stand up comedian doug stanhope, rooting for the yankees is like rooting for the house at a blackjack table in a casino. you're rooting for the dealer cuz the cards are stacked against everyone else. the dealer and the yankees have one major thing in common, they'll always win more than anyone else.

if you're a yankee fan, i suppose you can be proud of all that winning. but doesn't it get boring to root for the team that's destined to always have more championships than everyone else? how do you find the passion to complain when things get tough? try rooting for another team... which millions of other fans do all the time. spend a season waving a pittsburgh pirate flag around... you'll run back in a year apologizing to a-rod for all the mean things you said about him.

when you look around and see the rest of the baseball universe grinning at your recent playoff collapse, you have to understand... for everyone else except for you, watching the yankees lose is like watching that one asshole boss of yours get slapped around in a boxing ring. and much like that asshole boss, the yankees are also out of touch. there's nothing cool or edgy about them. they're not even allowed to have facial hair.

in conclusion:

fuck the yankees,
fuck asshole yankee fans (some of you are cool, but you're the tiniest of minorities),
aaaaaaaaaaaaand motherfuck baseball in general. seriously. this is the most i've ever written about baseball, a sport i despise. i'm gonna go take a shower now cuz i feel dirty, awful, and full of shame.