suicide, death, life, and love

junior seau, the former nfl linebacker, was found dead today apparently from suicide.

i don't know a whole lot about junior seau. i don't know what lead to this decision. but he did it, it's done, and now it's all over the news and i'm once again forced to contemplate the concept of suicide.

my immediate reaction to the thought of suicide is that it's stupid and the coward's way out. i feel more bad for the family and friends suicide leaves behind than the events that lead to the person taking his/her own life in the first place.

but on my way home from work today, for reasons i don't want to get too specific about cuz it involves other people who may not approve of me writing about them, i had to also consider the concept of aging, getting old, and falling apart. and i was saddened by this feeling of helplessness. i was learning of someone who was in a really bad place right now and there was absolutely nothing me feeling bad about it could do to fix it. i felt completely helpless and totally mortal.

i'm not sure what one thing has to do with the other here. i can only walk away from today with two self imposed lessons:

1- give your love away. just do it. hug people. tell people you love them and you care about them. even if it's unwelcome, just do it... better to show love and be turned down than to never let people know you love them in the first place.

and i'm not suggesting anyone turn into a full blown hippie here and love the world. but love your loved ones. you got loved ones so show them they matter to you. that shit means a lot. there's a lot of people in dark places.... you never know what spark your sign of love might do to help someone else out. it might not help at all... but it might help a little so it's fucking worth it... seriously.

2- live it up. i don't know what that means to you. everyone lives it up differently. today i'm completely exhausted and my form of living it up will be vegetating on a couch, stuffing my face, and watching basketball till my body falls asleep. but maybe tomorrow i'll think of more awesome ways to live it up.

whatever it is you're doing, make it something you enjoy. try to avoid shit you don't enjoy. shit you don't enjoy is almost always gonna be a waste of your time and probably just lead to you doing more shit you don't enjoy.

so find enjoyment. show love. and keep doing both. i can't promise you that no one's ever gonna die again from anything cuz that'd be some fairy tale bs... no one can stop death. all we can do is improve the quality of life while we're here.